Smosh: The Movie

Shut up!

Consider yourselves warned.

We're stepping in the ring

And won't let that lady sing

It's over when we say it's over

Been brushing off our shoulders

It's not a twist of fate

We choose our own destiny

A trophy or a bruise

Champions never lose

I was at the mall the other day,

and this girl was wearing pants

that looked like she

literally pooped in them.

Look at us. We look

like two girls at a club.

Hey...

Aw...

Ah! More videos.

More videos! More videos!

What are you waiting for?

It's time to show the world

What they've waited for

Something like they've

never seen before

Hey.

Seen before

We're just getting started

We're just getting started

Hello, little guy.

Cheese mobile! Check it out!

It's time to show the world

What they've waited for

Something like they've

never seen before

Lame. Lame. Lame.

We're just getting started

Just getting started

My eyes are, like,

must be 50 pounds or something, man.

Whoa!

That was fake.

Hey, I apologize. That's

all you can ask for.

- You suck.

- I apologize!

Sweet!

Hey, man.

Hey, dude.

Uh, glad you're here 'cause I need a ride.

Oh, I knew it.

You can't keep doing this.

You can't just order a pizza

every time you need a ride somewhere, okay?

Why not? You're already out driving around.

Plus my mom started charging me for rides.

- What's the big deal?

- The big deal is

I'm a working professional now

and you need to respect that.

You deliver pizzas.

I work in food distribution

for a multi-million dollar company.

Where you deliver pizzas.

Look, I've worked very

hard to turn my life around

in a very short amount of time.

Unlike you, I moved out

of my parents' house.

Into my parents' house.

Hi, boys.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Hecox.

So will you both be

home for dinner tonight?

- Yeah.

- I can't.

I'm fasting to fit my... my

new pair of jeggings I just got.

- Okay.

- Oh.

- Yup.

- Bye, Mom and Dad.

- Uh-huh.

- Bye, Son.

Bye. Thank you.

Look, I've got a good job.

I don't know why you can't see that.

Would we call it good?

$25 haircut, dude.

I used to only ever pay, like, 10.

My life is like a rocket ship right now...

going nowhere but up.

Yeah, I know you better than that, dude.

You're still the same old Anthony

who imagines Stone Cold Steve Austin

complimenting him in the mirror.

No, I grew out of talking

to him, like, forever ago.

You're working too hard, man.

You're out there

delivering pizzas for, like,

two hours a day.

It's high time you did

something for yourself.

Oh, yeah, like give you a ride somewhere?

I mean, I wasn't thinking that,

but, that would be great. Yeah.

Let me guess. You want

to go to the Game Bang.

All right, there he is.

That's my boy. Come on.

Let's do this. Yeah.

Whoo! Yeah!

Yo, Anthony.

You're doing a hell of

job balancing such as busy

- and complex life.

- Yeah, I know.

But you got to start

working your glutes man.

Looks like a loose lump

of Play-Doh down there.

- Looks bad.

- Yeah, okay.

I'll, um, I'll just do

some squats on my way out.

Thanks.

That pizza? Yeah, that'll be 10 bucks,

by the way.

Oh, dude, that's messed up.

You're gonna charge your best friend?

Did Steve Jobs give free iPhones

away to his friends? Nope.

Um, you're not the CEO of pizza.

Not yet.

Look at that dumb car.

$1.00.

- That's it?

- Yup.

I said 10 bucks.

Well, you know, I'm a cheap ass.

Ready to get your game bang on? Mm!

Hey, cool car d*ckheads.

Yeah, that is a cool car. You know why?

'Cause it gets me this.

- What?

- That's cold hard cash, son.

What do you have to show for

what you've done today, punks?

He just dropped some money on the ground,

- he doesn't even care.

- Oh.

- What?

- Really?

- That's it?

- For real.

- You see this watch?

- Yeah.

I won it playing skeeball.

Jesus, is that real?

5 carats, yo.

No one wears watches anymore.

Come on, like, all you got

to do is look up at the sun.

Like, right now, it's, uh, 4:0...

4:
05.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Deal with it.

Loser.

Uhh!

Yeah, that's a pole.

You know, we've been coming to this place

since we were, like, eight.

We should be out doing cooler stuff.

- Like what?

- Like meeting girls.

Like other stuff people

do that are our age.

Um, no can do.

I'm kind of seeing someone.

Uh, no you're not.

You leave creepy comments

on a YouTube video

of a hot girl getting her butt massaged.

That's, uh, that's not the

same thing as seeing someone.

Do I see her?

Look, you never even talk to her.

She's flagged every

single one of my comments.

Yeah, for being a perv.

No, man. She's just playing hard to get.

Pocket Slave Monsters

- You now work for me

- Dude, look what it is.

Magic Pocket Slave

Monsters. Come on.

Dude, I can't believe they got this thing.

- Do you remember this?

- Yellow rat.

I choose you against your will.

Ah!

Now get out there and murder your friends.

Ah!

Oh, it's a lot more

violent than I remember.

What? No, dude, it was always like this.

I want to be the master

I want to flip the switch

I want to capture all these guys

How lame.

And make each one my b*tch

Stop! Stop! Please.

- Come on, man.

- What?

- Dude, this was our jam.

- What?

We used to love the game and the TV shows

and the erotic fan fiction.

- Oh, yeah.

- Uh, yeah.

That was a long time ago, Ian.

Not really into that kind of stuff anymore.

Losers.

Come on! Did you see those girls?

Come on, dude. You loved it.

I'm worried about you, man.

I don't think you're

living in the real world.

The real world sucks.

The real world is actually pretty amazing.

So, the kids that are

probably taking a dump

on the cheese mobile, they're amazing?

And what about all the

girls that are walking around

that aren't talking to

you? Are they amazing?

And these girls would talk to

me if you weren't here dancing

to the theme song from Magic

Pocket Slave Monsters.

Then who wants them?

I do!

Look, I got to go. My ten minutes are up.

- I'm still on the clock.

- What?

- Have fun.

- Wait.

Dude, how am I supposed to get home?

Sorry, one of us has a job here.

Just take a cab or something.

I'll be home after my shift.

Do it, do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it!

Hey, get off my cheese mobile.

Run!

Oh, my God.

Yeah, get out of here.

Punks.

Do you have a name for your butt?

May I suggest, "Perfect"?

Hey, Ian?

You've been seeing that

girl for a few months now.

When do we get to meet her?

I don't know, Mom. We're

not rushing into anything.

- Bye.

- Okay, bye.

- Bye.

- She seems lovely.

She's amazing.

Son...

just... make sure she's not a dude.

Unless you're into that sort of thing.

In which case, it's totally cool.

Okay.

Great talk, Dad.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, I, uh... We haven't gotten our mail

in, like, three months. What gives?

Yeah, you might want to ask

your little friend about that.

- Who Ian?

- The bowl-headed idiot

with the face you just want to punch?

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