Smother Page #9

and immature.

Just ask his wife and

She'll tell you the same thing.

Helen's favorite color was yellow.

Actually, it was walnut farmers.

They can't even grow

cashews in Northern Florida

because of the freezing

winter temperatures.

A second grader

could tell you that.

A second grader

could also tell you

that you shouldn't treat your

twenty-nine year old son-Thirty-two!

Like a child and criticize him

for having greasy hair,

when he uses moisturizing

shampoo on a regular basis,

then dump all your selfish

problems on him

and expect him to be sympathetic.

Especially if he's been held

hostage in your never-ending,

jiggity-jiggity,

I'm so-insanely-happy-but

desperately lonely madhouse for

so long that he's starting to wear

underwear four sizes too small.

It sticks his balls

against the microwave!

Helen stood five foot six and

loved playing checkers.

I'm sure we can all agree Helen

was an outstanding checkers player.

You want to be mad at me?

I'm mad at me, too.

I've spent my life trying to do

what was right for everyone else,

trying to be who

I was expected to be.

Except the real me

wasn't the person

I ended up becoming.

And now I'm sixty.

And the only thing that's

saved me in my whole life,

Is that when I look at you

I'm worth something.

I talk to you and I feel good.

I look at you.

My life matters.

So if I needed you more

than you needed me

and that was too much to bear,

then I'm terribly sorry.

But, sweetie, you're my son.

And until you have

one of your own,

you can't imagine

the extraordinary person

who is going to come out of

your own imperfections.

The deceased's son has asked me

To play Helen's favorite song.

Mom, I got to go.

Hi, I need to see Clare.

It's really important.

She said she would call you

when she's ready to talk.

Besides,

I'm hosting a baby shower.

Look, Holly, I know you and

I have never seen eye to eye,

but I'm asking you

as a semi-human being to

please let me in his house.

Thank you.

Hi, I was just

looking for my wife.

There she is.

Can we talk for a minute, Sweetie?

Clare, Clare, please.

I need to talk to you.

Need, need.

Tell me more about what you need.

Okay, I deserve that,

but would you please hear me out?

Please

I'm sorry.

What are you doing?!

You stopped really fast.

I didn't try.

Alright, whatever

you're going to say,

Just spit it out.

OK, I know we haven't been

getting along great on last night,

and I don't want to

get into whose fault

it is especially Myron's not here

to defend himself-

Oh, No.

No, no, OK

Ok, alright,

some of it's, most of it moving

towards all of it is my fault.

Honesty Zone?

Fine.

Okay.

Well?

Oh, you want me to start?

Noah

No, OK, please

Please, please, please, please

I just, I wish I could take

this whole week back,

But I can't.

And I know, I know.

You're married to a guy

who can't have a real

conversation with his mom and dad.

A guy sneaks around,

snapping one off before sex

I get it

It says that he's

telling you that

He does feel completely

inadequate to be a father.

But you're not inadequate.

That's what's so stupid.

Would you shut up?

I mean the geese, sweet heart.

Honey, you say that now,

but what about in thirty years?

I just see all these things

my parents go on through

We're not your parents.

But at some point they

loved each other as we are,

and something went wrong.

I just don't want

that to happen to us,

I made a huge mistake.

I hurt you, and I'm sorry.

And I'm lame.

And I suck, too.

You hurt me so much.

Now you just show up here

and say you're sorry

And you want me just

to say everything's OK

It doesn't feel Ok

I know.

I don't want to believe me,

either.

But today my mom actually said

that I'm the only thing in her

life that she doesn't regret

Which floored me,

because I didn't think she was

thrilled with how I turned out.

But apparently I'm not that bad.

So if my parents

can produce this rousing success

story then I have to think you

and I could make one of our own.

And I don't want to

miss out on that?

What kind of idiot would

miss out on that?

Not this idiot.

No more toddler briefs.

I'm wearing the big undies now.

The cavity is large.

And you know that it's right.

Shut up!

Is something burning?

Hey, it's Noah and Clare Cooper!

It's like JeeJeeChung here.

It looks like somebody kissed

and made up.

Looks like they did

a bit more than that.

Join us!

Yeah, Sit down.

Come over here.

We're just taking some

like little green medicine.

You know, that green medicine

Yeah, since when

do you smoke green medicine?

You don't think that's all we do

in the Pain Pal, do you?

You think that all we do is

talk about our problems?

We're about action, man.

Because the herb is a blessing.

Such a blessing.

So...

It's a bomb.

Yeah

So Clare and I were

talking on the way home,

and we want you to know that you

both are welcomed to stay with us.

AS long as you need to.

That's nice.

But you know what?

We don't need that though.

No, no, we are moving in together.

You're what?

Yes, we both need a place and we

really enjoy each other's company,

so we thought, hey, why not?

Yeah!

You only know

each other for four days.

I think it's a good idea.

And I called my parents and

they're really excited.

That they're giving me some seed

money and my very own credit card.

Yes

I never had one

I'm surprised.

Where are you going to stay?

We'll sack out down of the

Downtowner for a few days

And we're also

collaborating on a screenplay

about diabetic vampires.

Yes, listen to this.

Do you like the title?

Blood Sugar.

It's true.

Oh, I get it.

Right?

I can't believe he's thirty-two.

I know. I know.

What?

I really should have told him.

I'm an old person.

Do you like old people?

Alright, thanks.

You're welcome.

Thanks for sharing

your home with me.

Anytime.

You're a special person.

And I don't mean the kind

that wears a helmet.

It's cool.

You should put that in your PTSD.

Actually I already

Thanks for everything, Sweetie.

It's an adventure.

Let me know if you guys make me

a grandkid, alright?

I'll stay on top of it.

Yeah, if you do, don't drink

too much in the first trimester.

That's where I went wrong

with Noah, I think.

But any...

Bye, Clare.

Bye, Myron

Hey,

I don't know what to say.

Just hug as hard as we can

and call it a week?

I can do that.

OK.

I love you.

I love you, too.

One day, we'll worked out

all these stuff.

Probably not.

OK:

Alright

Alright, Hartato.

There are long roads in the colon.

Marilyn and Myron

are out right now,

so please leave a message.

Hi, it's your son.

I know you're probably

at work right now,

I just call and say hi.

Call me back.

I think you have class tonight

But, anyway,

I Just called and say that

I hired a hand

and wrist specialist

So next time when

you come into my office

hang on a sec

dad's in a standoff with Ian.

He keeps winging his mac

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