Smother Page #8

is there?

I'm sorry.

Could you say that again

into my good ear, please?

I can't hear you.

I made the seminar up.

You

My parents kicked me

out of their house.

So I've got no money.

I've got no place to go.

That's outstanding.

When exactly were you

planning on leaving?

I don't know.

I'm still working on that.

You're working on it?

You know what you remind me of

that bad movie that's on cable

At two in the morning.

It's on because something

has to fill the void.

That's what your life is

like to me, filler and void.

This week on Filler and Void,

detective Myron Stubbs finds an

unproduced screenplay in his diaper.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Did I dishonor Vietnam

Mosquito Soldier?

You know what I'd like to see?

I'd like to see Tom Dawson

fired by his own platoon.

What do you think?

Do you think

it's a good idea?

Or should I ask your

little friend, Max?

Hey, Max, what do you think of

my great new idea?

I think it would win Oscar.

Thank you, Max.

You know what?

Why don't you do us all a favor

and write something that actually

benefits humankind, okay?

But do us an even bigger favor

and don't write it

in our living room.

I know I'm not the greatest

writer in the world.

I'm sure a lot of people think

the stuff I do isn't very good.

But I enjoy doing it.

It keeps me going.

And believe me,

under this confident

exterior is a guy

with just as many doubts

and insecurities as you.

Except you have a beautiful wife

and a mother who loves you

I just have me.

So I'm sorry to

stuff what I do

if it doesn't interest

you very much,

but I can't really change

what makes me happy.

Anyway, this blanket

is extra, so...

I'll just go blow up the Aerobed

so you can have the couch.

Where are you going?

To search for Yeti.

Can we please talk like adults?

You bet.

Call me when you find one.

Your mom stole my car.

I mean.

Listen to yourself.

You're acting like

I'm hiding all these deep,

dark secrets or something.

You are.

You're wearing toddler briefs,

you're sabotaging jobs

to avoid having kids-

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

I didn't even have time to

sabotage myself

at the carpet store.

Honey, it's not what on.

You got fired from

the carpet store?

I didn't tell you that?

Noah

Sweetie

Clare Bear

Clare Bare, Me

Honey, I was in jail, I didn't

have time to tell you!

Where are you going?!

Holly's! Feel free not to call!

Where are you?

Holly's or Molly

Holly's

Oh my god...

Mom! Mom!

Nice shot, mom.

Now you're working on a turkey.

Excuse me.

I want to know who she is?

Was it Phyllis?!

AHH! What are you doing here?!

I'm bowling here.

Is it Susan?!

That's who it is, isn't it?

Mom, let's go home.

Let's go home.

No, I'm not leaving here until

you give me an answer.

I've got an answer for you.

Crazy, ungrateful b*tch.

You want to hear

what the question is?

You're pathetic, Gene.

It's all in your head, Marilyn.

Oh

You're an out-of-control dope thing!

Stay out of it, Grandma.

I tried very hard to give you

everything you wanted.

You think that it was

money that I wanted.

You think that it was

the furniture

You think I want clothes.

But that's not I wanted.

I want more.

Did everybody hear that one?

She wanted more than that.

And he put up with your moods and

Your complaining and your dogs!

I wanted more of you!

Maybe we could find a better

time to discuss this.

If he can look me

straight in the eye

and tell me the truth,

I'll leave your house and you'll

never have to see me

or my dogs again.

Dad?

What, does Gene have to account

for himself yet again?

I am a respected man!

I served my country!

I did what was asked to me!

Did you or did you not

have an affair?!

No, I didn't have an affair!

It was a one night stand!

Twice!

I defended you.

Well no one asked you to.

I screwed up, okay?

I'm sorry.

But how would you like to spend

the last few good years of your life

with someone who's always unhappy?

Who does nothing

but live in the past?

Who can only complain

about all the rotten things

that happened to her,

even though really nothing

bad ever happened to you

except expecting too much.

You think I wanted

a wife like June Allyson

from Strategic Air Command?!

Well, guess what?

You won; t have to put up with

June Allyson anymore.

I'll live at his house the rest

of my goddamned life if I have to,

but I am through

with this marriage!

I need to talk to you, Marilyn.

She's not in

a real chatty today, dad.

You know, Gene,

it's probably not the good time.

Come on, that's my jacket.

- Though we

don't always understand

why we are taken

so soon from this life,

dear Lord, much less why we were

placed here to begin with,

we ask you bless this

service and this family.

And everybody said...

- Amen.

- Amen.

I've been asked by the

deceased's son to open the floor up

so that anyone would like to share

their thoughts about Helen.

And anyone at all

Hello everyone.

Uh, what can I say about

my grandma Helen?

Well, for one,

I remember how she was ma grandma

Also, she was a good pers...

. dresser.

She was a good dresser and she

owned some very nice jumpsuits.

I'll miss her very much. Thank you.

Thank you, son.

Anyone else?

Well, if there's no one else

would like to say anything...

I'd just like to...

I'd like to say something, please.

Oh, perfect.

For those of you who don't know me,

I'm Gene's wife, Marilyn.

Well, I'm right now,

but not for very long.

But that is not what

I wanted to talk about.

In all the years

I knew Helen Cooper,

she was never very nice to me.

She didn't think

I was very smart

and she said I talked too much.

Now I know that's a terrible

thing to say at someone's funeral,

but I spent a lot of time and

effort trying to make her like me,

and for what?

So she can make me feel bad,

Stick her nose up at me well?

I don't want to be just

tolerated anymore.

So I've decided that I'd rather

live the rest of my life alone

Instead of being

surrounded by strangers

who pretended they were my family.

I guess that's

a little off topic.

Anyway, I would like to say that

Helen had a lovely singing voice

and she was a very good cook.

Her holiday fudge

was second to none.

Thank you.

Well, that was... from the heart.

Is there anyone else who'd

like to speak at this time?

I'd like to add something.

I forgot to add that Helen

was born in Northern Florida

to migrant walnut farmers.

Also, if a certain somebody isn't

happy with her living situation,

or how she's apparently being

mistreated and ignored by her family,

said person can move out

any time she sees fit.

Helen's middle name was Esther.

Thank you.

Ah... well, if that's...

Well, alright, that's enough.

Sit down, Gene

I would like to correct

the previous speaker

who said Helen was

born to walnut farmers.

The truth is Helen was born to

cashew farmers.

The previous speaker

gets a lot of his facts wrong.

He can also be very self-absorbed

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