Smother Page #7

sit down and talk.

How could he notice,

he's too busy landing

himself in jail.

OK.

Don't you have

a some kind of baking magazine

or something to do there,

Look.

I know what you are going through,

but she's got to go home.

You have to pick her, not me.

Noah, your mom and I have been

at this for a long time.

For a lot of years I used to worry

she was going to walk out on me.

Not because I

was afraid to be alone,

but because I was afraid

to find out I liked it.

And guess what?

I like living alone.

There's no complaining,

no fights, no dogs,

I can just be me.

Don't get me wrong.

I love your mother.

She was the sweetheart of my youth

and I'll always love her.

Just not sure

what's supposed to happen

if I don't like her anymore.

Hi, there.

Myron, where did my mom go?

Monkey sidekick?

She told me not to tell you.

OK.

Where did she go?

Downtowner Inn.

Come here often?

Excuse me, I'm not allowed

to talk to strangers.

I'm sorry.

What I'm really sorry.

It wasn't by choice.

I just thought maybe it'd be easier

if you feel this is coming from me.

I have to say you have

a real delicate touch.

OK? I really mean it.

If it makes you feel any better,

I got fired, too.

You did?

Good.

Yo, Tony darling, two dirties.

We're good.

Tony.

Listen.

Let's grab things and

Just go home, alright?

Wasn't I a good mom?

Of course you were a good mom.

Let's just go, alright?

Yes, sure, let's just go.

Let's just run away and forget

how little Marilyn has

accomplished with her life.

Come on, Mom, You've

accomplished with your life.

Yeah? Like what?

What have I accomplished

besides having you?

All kinds of.

You know.

Right, nothing.

Not true.

Doing a wife, house-cleaner.

ZERO.

You did a lot of things.

You were very active.

You saved my rat Herman, remember?

The one with the skin disease?

Yeah, You could've just

put him to sleep,

but instead you scrubbed him

every day with medicated shampoo.

You saved his life.

That's like my greatest

childhood memory, mom.

What?

Herman's skin kept getting worse

and he started

having brain seizures.

So one night

when you were asleep,

I put him in a coffee can,

poked holes in the lid,

and stuck him

in the washing machine.

And next day I bought another rat

and put it in Herman's cage.

You drowned Herman?

I don't know what to say.

He was suffering.

Your dad was away for the weekend.

I didn't know what...

That's the worst thing

I've ever heard in my entire life.

You pukes a hole in the coffee

can and drowns a rat?

I don't know.

What can I say?

Is it the best idea?

OK:

Do you have a friend you

could give a call?

P.S. I did the best

that I could with my life.

Is there anything else

I need know about?

Any other lies?

You wet the bed

until you were six,

the noise in your closet

at night really was a ghost,

and you were held back two times

in the first grade.

I'm thirty-one?

Thirty-two.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you, Verlin, that was

as lovely as it was haunting.

Next up, please put your hands

together for Marilyn Cooper.

Marilyn?

Just go.

Sing your song

OK. Dear.

I'll be here aging.

Oh, thank you.

You owe me three birthdays.

Id like to bring

the room down a minute

and dedicate this next song

to my very special son, Noah.

He fired me from

the best job I ever had,

but I never accomplished

much in life,

so it really doesn't matter

if my husband fucks another woman.

And I murdered a rat.

Hit it, Lou.

Just try to understand,

I've given all I can

cause you got

the best of me

Borderline Take me home!

I've put him up for 36 years,

Ok. Just relax.

What's another

OK. No, No, No, Sammy Higgins!

Don't eat that!

Almost there.

This is not my room.

My room is by the ice machine.

Ok

Thank you, dear.

Just get into bed.

Can you put my nightgown on me?

No.

Why not, are you afraid of

seeing your mom naked?

Yeah, that's exactly

what I'm afraid of.

I got news for you.

OK, but...

I still have a pretty good body,

even though I haven't

had sex in five years.

Five

Sex

Can I get you anything?

Can you take me back to 1968

so I could start it all over again?

No, not this second.

That's too bad.

I'd like to start it

all over again.

Good night.

What are these?

I've been tried

some new briefs out.

Try it for more support

These are like four sizes

too small for you.

Oh, that explains a lot.

I must read the label

I'll return them tomorrow.

You're trying to sabotage

your sperm count, aren't you?

What?!

That's why it's taking so long.

No, it's taking so long because

our schedules don't match on.

You have some serious problems,

you know that?

Okay, you throw

an underwear on me.

I think we need to

go to the Honesty Zone.

Screw the Honesty Zone!

I hate the Honesty Zone!

OK. Don't dismiss

the Honesty Zone like that.

Not cool.

What do you wanna do that?

You don't wanna find out.

You know, maybe this whole

have got so much

on my plate routine

has nothing to do

with your job or your mom.

Maybe it has something

to do with me.

This has nothing to do with you.

Don't be ridiculous.

Please.

I need you to be honest

with me right now.

And tell me if it's me

you're unhappy with.

No, I'm not unhappy with you.

Anything else?

Have you been trying to keep me

from getting pregnant?

No.

Yes, I have.

What?

But only a couple of times.

Oh my god.

How could you do that?

Why are ypu going so upset?

I'm being honest with you!

Oh, now you're

trying to be honest!

My life's coming apart

at the seams and all

you want to do is get on me

and grind out like

a mechanical bull?

All you had to do was

tell me you wanted to wait.

Yeah, I'm sure that

would have fit right

in with your species

propagation agenda.

My agenda? We both agreed to this.

I didn't agree to my wife becoming

a single-minded fertility robot.

I need more sperms.

I don't need more sperm, OK?

Look, I need you to stop

putting all these on me.

It's not fair.

I'm not even putting it on you.

It is clearly the baby's fault.

I need you to stop making excuses.

Fine.

What else?

I need you to-

Done.

I didn't finish.

Let me...

Oh, I agree.

You talk and I agree.

That's the deal, right?

You're being stupid

and immature!

I agree again!

We're in total agreement!

Look how well we're communicating!

Out! Get out!

You're not sleeping

in here tonight!

I got bad news for you.

I won't leave this room.

Ha! Real mature!

Sweet! My blanket's stuck in the door.

Rough night with the old lady?

Why are you here?

Clare said I could stay here

for my writing seminar, remember?

Yeah, that was supposed to

last Tuesday.

It got pushed back.

So...

To when?

That was three days ago,

I've had two jobs since then.

What have you been doing?

You've just been

sitting on the couch

in your sofa fantasy land be my

mother's little monkey sidekick.

Monkey sidekick.

There is no writing seminar,

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