Snakes on a Plane Page #7

is not level, okay okay?

Gimme a break, man.

All right, wassup?

Wassup, y'all?

What it is.

What it is!

This is your new pilot Troy speaking,

and sitting next to me

is my main man,

my brother from another mother,

the biggest pimp

that I know, Superfly Agent Flynn.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Agent Flynn.

Sir, have you got any experience

piloting a jet aircraft?

Oh, yeah, F-15s,

F-16s,

A-10 Warthogs,

I've flown all that sh*t.

Then we're all thankful

to have you, sir.

- What squadron were you with?

- The Awesome Fighting Aces.

Man, I'm telling you,

them video gamers

got their sh*t

locked down tight.

Sir, are you

telling me

that your only real

flight time is

at the controls

of a video game?

No, see,

it's-- it's not a video game, all right?

It's a flight simulator.

- Is that a PlayStation or Xbox?

- PlayStation 2.

Man, it's got an introduction by

Chuck Yeager and everything.

Look, Flynn, man,

I can do this.

Trust me.

Look, LAX, just give

me my VOR numbers

and my approach vectors,

and I'll be fine.

Sir, I suggest you relinquish

the pilot's chair

to someone more

experienced.

This is Agent

Neville Flynn, FBI.

You are talking

to the only person

up here who has

that experience.

I suggest you give him

what he needs

so we can

land this thing.

Oh!

Oh!

So, uh, you are

pretty good at this game, right?

Yes, man.

No problem.

Well, I mean, my older brother Randy

has got the high score,

but I'm good.

A**hole never lets me

hear the end of it.

LAX tower,

this is Hula 1-2-1.

Requesting clearance for landing.

Please advice which runway.

Hula 1-2-1, heavy,

we're in the process

of clearing all the runways,

but you got a strong tailwind.

Advise, come around

and use runway

No no no, negative, tower.

I can't do that.

I don't have time

for westbound orientation.

Look, I got a lot

of injured passengers up here

who need help

immediately.

You try to land west to east,

you'll come in too fast to control.

Well, then I suggest you

speed up clearing the rest

of the runways, 'cause my ass

is coming in for a landing!

All right, brace yourselves,

you guys, this is it.

Everybody

brace yourselves!

Here we go.

Brakes!

Brakes, Troy!

- Put your ass in it!

- This part ain't in the game.

Is crashing part

of the game, huh?

I don't know, man. I usually just hit

reset and start the level over.

Oh, sh*t, left!

Left! Turn this big

motherf***er left, Troy!

Whoo!

- Whoo!

- Whoo!

All praises

to the PlayStation.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

That's my boy, Troy, yes!

Hell, yeah!

Whose house is this?

Troy's house, that's right.

F*** Randy!

F*** Randy and his high score.

That's my own brother,

and I say, "F*** him!"

Man, my ass.

My ass, man.

Okay, let's get going.

Over here!

Got them!

Okay, everybody.

Thank you!

Hey, Doc, thank you.

And hey, good luck with

those Antiguan racers.

It was nice working

with you, Agent.

Please help!

Help please!

- This boy is unconscious.

- Keep that close, all right?

He needs oxygen

right away.

Did anyone see the snake

that bit this boy?

- Show 'em, sweetie. It's okay.

- What is it?

I couldn't find the snake

that bit him, so I drew a picture.

It's a cobra, right,

like Indiana Jones?

That's excellent.

Lactin and Ringer's solution, 25ml.

I'll do the antivenom.

Sean.

Before everything gets crazy out there,

I wanna say thanks.

Couldn't have done

this without you.

- Thanks.

- Yeah.

Let's lock this guy up

who tried to kill us.

Give him a hand!

Down down down.

couldn't breathe.

- You all right? Come on.

- Yeah.

- Come on.

- Oh, man.

Nice.

Stings like sh*t, huh?

Yeah.

This is Agent Harris,

the guy on the other end of the phone.

It's an honor.

Kenny, baby.

Oh my God.

Oh my God!

Oh! Oh, I'm gonna

get you home.

Come on, let's go.

My little cowgirl.

Claire.

- Hey.

- Um...

now that you've saved my life,

I think I kind of owe you a dinner

to show my

appreciation.

Well, I would very much

like to take you up on that.

- Is that right?

- Mm-hmm.

- Call me.

- Will do.

- Sean, hey.

- Hey.

Oh, damn.

I'll definitely call you.

Thank you.

How do you like flying

in first class?

Do you remember the first

thing you ever told me?

What the f***'s that got

to do with anything?

What was the first thing

you ever told me?

Do as I say

and you live.

Exactly.

Now it's your turn.

Do as I say,

and you live.

# Blue skies,

party people #

# Out on the beach

you got the burning show #

# We keep on rockin'

till the early morn' #

# I say, hey now, now #

# Come on,

I say, hey now, now #

# Don't try to keep 'em

if they got to go #

# I wanna keep 'em

till the early morn' #

# I say, hey now, now #

# I say,

hey now, now #

# Spearhead in the area #

# You really so the girl #

# And I would do

anything for you #

# It's true,

it's true #

# Come on,

I wanna-- #

That's it! I have had it

with these

motherfucking snakes

on this motherfucking

plane!

# Times are strange #

# We got a free upgrade

for snakes on a plane #

# F*** 'em,

I don't care #

# Pop the cheap champagne #

# We're going down

in flames, hey #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

- # Come on, bring it #

-# So kiss me goodbye #

# Honey, I'm gonna

make it out alive #

# So kiss me goodbye #

# I can see the venom

in their eyes #

# Goodbye #

# It's time to fly #

# To make the skies alive,

is it serpentine #

# Lounging in their

suits and ties #

# Watch the whores parade

for the price of fame, hey #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

- # Come on, bring it #

-# So kiss me goodbye #

# Honey, I'm gonna

make it out alive #

# So kiss me goodbye #

# I can see the venom

in their eyes #

# So kiss me goodbye #

# Honey, I'm gonna

make it out alive #

# So kiss me goodbye #

# I can see the venom #

# In their eyes,

goodbye #

# Ladies and gentlemen,

the snakes are slithering #

# With dollar signs in their eyes,

with tongues so reptilian #

# This industry's venomous

with cold-blooded sentiment #

# No need for nervousness #

# It's just

a little turbulence #

# So kiss me goodbye #

# Honey, I'm gonna

make it out alive #

# So kiss me goodbye #

# I can see the venom

in their eyes #

# So kiss me goodbye #

# Honey, I'm gonna

make it out alive #

# So kiss me goodbye #

# I can see the venom #

# In their eyes,

goodbye #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it #

# Oh, I'm ready for it #

# Come on, bring it. #

We seem to be losing altitude

at an alarming pace.

From midtown

to downtown,

snakes on a block.

I suggest you grab

your ankles

and kiss

your ass goodbye.

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