Snakes on a Plane Page #6

many illegal snakes.

He lives out

in the desert.

Take us

to the heliport.

You don't think I know

it's hotter than hell in here?

We also have abnormal

vibrations in engines one and two.

I had no choice

but to throttle back.

- You slowed down?

- Yeah.

Well, you know.

- It's that or option B.

- Which is?

I go faster

and the engines seize up;

We eventually plummet

to a horrible death;

They spend the next year

identifying femurs.

Okay, so just tell me

how to get

the AC back on.

We've lost power

to the outflow valve motor.

- Which is where?

- Well, you gotta reset it manually.

The breaker's down

in the cargo hold.

Yeah.

Sucks to be you

right now.

Get off me, man!

I told y'all stop touching on me

and coughing on me.

It's disgusting up in here.

Stay away from me.

Yo, how come there's no air coming

out of this piece of junk?

How come there's no air

coming out of here?

Only lasts about 10 minutes after

they deploy. Now please, I need--

Please nothing.

Get out of my face, man.

- If you could please just take a seat.

- Back away from me, man.

- You sit down. Back away from me.

- Whoa whoa whoa.

Back away from me.

Get up off me, man. Back up off me.

Hey hey hey hey.

I gotta get off

this plane, man.

- I'm sick of this bullshit.

- Listen, brother, you got to chill.

- Look, just get a grip, all right?

- You get a grip, man.

You get-- get...

Hey, back up,

back up. Back up!

That gun goes off

in this pressurized cabin, we all die.

Well you know what?

I want some air.

- What's the matter with you, Clarence?

- What's the matter with you?

No, what's the matter

with you, man?

Hey, look, you know we go back to when

we were kids, all right?

But I don't even

recognize you right now,

waving a gun at all these

innocent women and children.

Man, there's a baby

right over there, man.

We're all in trouble here, dawg.

This ain't just about you.

Sit your ass down,

Clarence.

Whatever, man.

It's the snakes!

Shoot. Now what?

Breathe deep.

Oh, God, Grace.

Claire.

Claire.

I need you

to be strong.

Come on.

- Let's go get these people some air.

- Okay.

See this?

I went through

a pyromaniac phase as a kid.

- Here.

- You too, huh?

Anything else I should

know about you?

Let me go with you. You don't know

your way around down there.

No, I need you up here.

You're my eyes and ears.

Call me.

Be back

soon as I can.

- You'd better. Be careful.

- Yeah.

Okay, I'm here.

Okay, the EAP panel

should be on your right.

Okay, here I go.

Hey, how's your boy?

I don't know, man.

He's in a lot of pain.

- Here, man, take some of this water.

- Thank you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Hey, you got any water?

- Sure, yeah.

Thanks.

Look, I'm not really good at this whole

apologizing thing,

but I'm sorry

about pushing you.

It's all right.

You too, man.

That's-- that's--

that's my bad.

Okay, it's okay.

Oh...

Iooks like somebody

rigged this, uh...

access panel door

to stay open

so the snakes could get out.

Be careful.

All right, so where's

this outflow breaker panel

you were talking about?

Oh, it's in the very

next compartment.

Sh*t!

- What's going on?

- The goddamn lever's stuck.

Ooh, hey!

Flynn, are you okay?

Yeah.

- Oh! Oh...

- Yes!

Okay, well,

that's a good sign.

Shh!

Do you guys

hear that?

Kreitler's been busted

twice by customs

for possession of illegal snakes.

There he is. That's him.

Down, down!

Get the door.

- What are you doing?

- My job.

Area's secure.

Send in Dr. Price now.

Wow, that's gonna

leave a mark.

That's a desert

blacksnake.

That's indigenous

to the Middle East.

- Looks like you can use some antivenom.

- In the fridge.

- Hurry!

- Ooh, hurry.

The Middle East.

Correct me if I'm wrong, Dr. Price,

but that would make

that snake illegal, wouldn't it?

Yes, yes, it would.

How long does that give

Mr. Mullet here to live?

I would say

about seven minutes.

Seven minutes, huh?

All right, listen to me.

Hey, I would love

to do this whole dance, you know,

take a nuanced approach to interrogating

you, but the truth of it is,

I don't have time

to be subtle.

I want a list of every snake

on that plane.

You got less

than seven minutes.

On the clipboard.

- The clipboard!

- Hang on to that.

- Is that every snake on that plane?

- Yes.

- Did Eddie Kim pay you to do this?

- Yes!

Look, give me the shot,

God damn it.

What are you gonna

do, call the ACLU?

How'd you get these guys to be so

aggressive, that's what I'm wondering.

I don't know what

you're talking about.

Hey.

You're wasting it!

Pheromones. We sprayed

the flowers with it,

so it would circulate

in the plane's air system.

I swear to God.

That's it.

Okay.

All right.

Bring in Eddie Kim. Charge him

with multiple counts of murder

and attempted murder and get that

piece-of-sh*t attorney on the phone.

Yeah, tell him to ask Kim

what his preference is.

Gas or lethal injection.

Oh, thank God.

Flynn, it's Harris.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Outstanding.

All right.

Everybody, listen,

they have the antivenom.

It's gonna be waiting

for us when we land in LA.

Hear that, little man?

Your brother's gonna be fine.

It's all up

to the pilot now.

I'll go give him

the good news.

Rick.

Rick.

Rick, open the door.

What's going on?

He's not answering.

Rick!

- Ho!

- Oh my God!

Get him up!

Uh...

I can't believe

I'm gonna say this:

Is there anyone here

who knows how

to fly a plane?

Claire, Claire, I'll do it.

I'm sure the tower

can talk me through it.

No no no, Flynn.

I know who could land this plane.

- Who?

- Him.

Yeah, you.

Come on, Troy.

You know you can

do this, man.

Come on,

take us home, dawg.

You know how to fly?

Hey, man,

I got over

This is all you've

talked about.

Troy, you can do this.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah, I can do this.

We gotta clear the snakes

out of the cockpit.

Yeah yeah, clear the snakes

out of the cockpit, yeah.

Enough is enough!

I have had it with these

motherfucking snakes

on this

motherfucking plane!

Everybody strap in.

I'm about to open

some f***ing windows!

Take this.

Tie it

to the cockpit door.

Let's go.

Listen, when the windows

go out, the cabin's gonna lose pressure

and oxygen. You gotta get us down

as fast as you can.

All right,

everybody make sure

you're strapped in

as securely as possible.

Remember,

it's going to be loud,

and it's going to

be cold.

Hold your breath

as long as you can, all right?

And protect your head.

Use your arms.

Is everybody ready?

- Ready to do this?

- Let's do it.

All right,

take the position.

One, two,

three.

Do it now!

Let's go!

Hit that autopilot switch

for me.

Whoo, whoo! That's what I'm

talking about, boy!

This sh*t is bananas!

Hold on!

Hold on!

Come on, baby!

Come on, push.

Yeah, right about there.

Okay,

we're leveling out.

You okay?

Troy, the plane's not level.

It's not level!

Yeah yeah, I know that the plane

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