Snakes on a Plane Page #5

That's what the plan is?

We sit around here waiting

for the snakes to bite us?

Look, everyone

just calm down, please!

We're doing

the best we can here.

Okay, look, there are hundreds

of species of snakes

with hundreds

of cocktails of venom.

Some will kill you

in two minutes,

others in two hours

and some you can

actually cure with

a good night's rest.

But here's the thing:

If you administer

the wrong antivenom,

that will kill you.

I am not

a zoologist, man.

I can identify maybe

two of the snakes I've seen up here.

A cobra

and a rattlesnake, okay?

You're going to

have to be more--

much more

specific than that.

Oh, sh*t.

Um, look, um,

I'll round up all

the dead ones I can find

and-- and I'll call

you back, okay?

Make it fast.

Time is tissue.

Time is t--

I want to know

what's going on.

- Get out of the way!

- No, no! No!

You guys are not

supposed to go up there.

- Move, girl!

- You can't take the stairs!

You can't keep

us down there.

Why exactly are there

snakes on this plane?

- I don't have time to explain.

- Well, you better make time.

You put us at risk

and you're gonna tell us why.

What I'm gonna tell you

is to go back downstairs now.

Man, who the hell

you think you are?

Whoa whoa whoa,

okay, look.

The snakes are

on the plane because...

I'm supposed to testify

tomorrow against Eddie Kim.

Oh, Jesus Christ,

we're all dead.

Not me.

It's my job to handle

life-and-death situations

on a daily basis.

It's what I do,

and I'm very good at it.

Now you can stand there

and be the panicked, angry mob

and blame him, me and the government

for getting you into this.

But if you want

to survive tonight,

you need to save

your energy

and start

working together.

Now what we need to do

is go back in there and find

all the dead snakes we can

so the doctors

on the ground

will know what kind

of antivenoms we need.

Whatever you find,

you bring it to me.

And I don't need to tell

you to be careful.

Whoa whoa whoa,

where you going?

I'm going with--

I-I can't just sit here doing nothing.

Remember when you

said it's all about choices we make?

Well, I'm making one.

Don't treat me like a prisoner!

I need you

to stay up here.

- Why?

- Because if you die,

then all this

was for nothing.

Sit your ass down.

We got a snake, man.

Okay, Doc, I got one

here that's, um...

I guess, brownish on top and I'd say

green on the bottom.

Wait a second, pure green?

Or is it blue?

Um, well, if I had to guess,

I'd say green.

No no no, teal.

It's a deep shade of teal.

It's-- it's teal, Doc.

Why don't we just

take a picture?

Oh, sure, let's drop it off at Jiffy

Photo when we land, Einstein.

Ever heard of e-mail,

dick-wad?

All we need is a digital camera

and a computer.

Or this.

It's got both.

Doc, I'm gonna e-mail you

some pictures, all right?

Rick!

Rick?

Rick!

Rick!

Oh, God.

Are we landing?

- There are no lights down there.

- I don't think so.

Doc, photos are

coming to you now.

Everybody,

buckle up now! Now!

Oh my God, no!

- Come on, buckle up. I got you.

- Oh my God!

F***er!

Hya!

Okay, let's pull

this thing up.

Hula 1-2-1 heavy, you're descending

through 23,000 feet.

There's no time to strap in,

just pull up, pull hard!

Somebody help me!

Somebody help, they're coming through.

Tiffany! Tiffany!

Look out!

- You okay?

- Yeah.

We gotta get the people upstairs.

It's safer there.

Somebody help me.

Kill them!

Hula 1-2-1, heavy

you're now below 19,000 feet.

Do you copy?

It's not working.

- I wanna get out.

- Let me get you up.

Get upstairs, come on.

Go!

Go go go go!

Hula 1-2-1, heavy,

pull up. Pull up.

Get out!

Hurry!

- Out of the way!

- Move your ass, God damn it!

Go, go!

No.

Come on, quicker!

- Come on!

- Move it!

Move it!

Hurry!

Hang on to me.

I've got you!

Get me off this plane!

Come on!

Get back!

Go, quick!

Move!

Oh sh*t!

Mary Kate!

You animal!

- You animal! I hate you!

- Freakin' dog, lady.

- I hate you!

- Why did you do that?

What? You all would have

done exactly the same thing.

Somebody do something.

Look out!

Oh my God!

Let's go. Hey hey,

in back of you!

- Behind you.

- Come on!

Come on, move move move!

Come on, come on.

We gotta block the stairs.

Grab bags, everyone.

- Come on!

- Pass it down!

Get me NTSB.

And call the Coast Guard.

Hula 1-2-1, heavy,

you are now below

Pull up!

Oh, my God.

Holy f***!

Oh, thank God.

Wait a second.

What about the life raft?

- Use this!

- Good idea.

I got it!

Hello, can anybody

hear me?

Hula 1-2-1, heavy,

somebody wanna tell me

what's going on up there?

We've lost our--

Rick.

- Hold, hold, push!

- Come on, hurry!

Kill it.

Kill it!

Here, grab an end!

Oh, Rick.

Hold it, hold it down.

Push it down.

That's great, okay. Get it down.

There you go. There you go.

Don't let anybody down.

Oh, Rick, your arm.

Okay.

There you go.

Oh, yeah,

you know, Claire,

I think I'm gonna need

your shirt, too.

- Oh, Jeez. Very funny.

- Gotta try, right?

Uh, Rick, could you please

engage the autopilot?

Yeah, here, I got it.

Do you think you

can fly with one hand?

Oh, baby, you'd be amazed at what

a man can do with one hand.

All right, I got this.

You go get it.

Do your business.

We, uh, we had no choice.

The snakes were everywhere.

Yeah, okay, I guess you

did what you had to do.

Yeah.

These aren't

North American snakes.

So what? What does it matter?

Let's just get the antivenom

- and take it to the airport.

- No no no, these snakes aren't even

from this continent.

They're from all over the globe.

Only a handful

of US hospitals

even carry

foreign antivenom.

- How long?

- How long what?

- How long to get the antivenom here?

- I don't know.

At least a day,

maybe two.

What do we do?

I don't know if there's anything

we can do.

What are you drawing

there, sweetie?

Oh, wow,

that's really good.

I'm really sorry

about your dog.

Thanks.

What's up, buddy?

Trying to get this guy to slam

the basketball. He just won't do it.

Last month they offered

early retirement.

But no,

this broad needed

one more tour of duty.

You were here

for a reason.

You saved my baby.

That's a pretty

good reason.

Hey, it's too--

Flynn, it's too hot.

I'm from Tennessee.

I hadn't noticed.

Anyway, heat's the least

of our worries.

No no no,

listen, listen.

The air's not recycling.

He's right.

If there's no air conditioning it's

gonna get too hard to breathe.

Sh*t!

Okay,

how about the zoos?

How about the zoos?

I mean, zoos got snakes, right?

So they must have

antivenom there.

We would need a detailed list

of every species involved,

with that exact number.

And an exotic shipment like this would

only come through a dealer. So...

All right, well, who

in Hawaii would do that?

And no one in Hawaii, because snakes

aren't indigenous to Hawaii.

But Eddie Kim lives

in LA.

Could he have

shopped locally?

Yes, only one guy could arrange this

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