Snatch Page #2

It will raise suspicion.

So don't use idiots for the job.

He'll stay in London a couple of

days before he goes to new York...

...so move quick. Okay?

One more thing.

It might help.

He loves to gamble.

Eighty-six carats?

Brilliant cut, beautiful make.

A beautiful stone.

You're a good boy, Franky.

And you did a real good job.

Now when do you get back?

I got to move the melees and the two-grainers here,

get a better price. Couple of days.

-Talk to my cousin Dougie.

-Doug The Head?

And Franky....

-And what?

-Stay out of those casinos.

You did a good job, bubbe.

-Don't go screwing it up, all right?

-I hear you, Avi.

I'll see you, Avi.

Eighty-six carats.

-Where?

-London.

-London?

-London.

-London?

-Yes, London.

You know, fish, chips, cup of tea...

...bad food, worse weather,

Mary-f***ing-Poppins. London!

Not for me.

That's Doug The Head.

Everybody knows Doug The Head.

If it's stones and it's stolen,

he's the man to speak to.

Pretends he's Jewish.

Wishes he was Jewish.

Even tells his family

they're Jewish...

...but he's about as Jewish

as he is a f***ing monkey.

He thinks it's good for business.

And in the diamond business...

-...it is good for business.

-Avi!

He'll be there today.

Take care of him.

Avi, you know I won't buy schtrops.

He isn't selling schtrops.

Make it smaller.

Who do you take me for?

This is England.

We play by the rules.

Listen to me.

If the stones are kosher,

then I'll buy them, won't I?

Now, if you'll excuse me,

it's my lunchtime. Bye.

What are you doing here?

It's a free country, isn't it?

Well, it ain't a free shop, is it?

So f*** off.

I want to see you two girls

up in my office.

I had cousin Avi on the phone.

-You got to go see him.

-Yeah, Dad. You told us.

-He's a big mucker in new York.

-Yeah, Dad. You told us.

I want to see you girls

up in my office.

Yeah, Dad. You told us.

The weight is sign of reliability.

I always go for reliability.

I'll take it.

How much do you want for it?

Nothing.

Okay, so what do you want for it?

I want you to do something for me.

There is a fight in couple of days.

What kind of a fight?

Unlicensed boxing.

There is a bookies I know

that will take bets.

If you place one down for me...

...we will call it quits.

-Why don't you put it down yourself?

-Well...

...there is not too many bookies

that takes those kind of bets.

And I already have an outstanding

debt with the house.

I know something most don't.

So, nu?

What do you know?

It's a campsite. A pikey campsite.

-Ten points.

-What are we doing here?

-We're buying a caravan.

-Off a pack of f***ing pikeys?

What's wrong with you?

This will get messy.

Not if you're here.

Oh, you bastard.

I f***ing hate pikeys.

That's a flash car, mister.

Not as flash as your bike.

Who are you looking for?

Mr. O'Neil.

-Want me to get him?

-That's a good lad.

Piss off.

-Are you going to go get him for me?

-Yeah.

-What are you waiting for?

-The five quid you'll pay me.

F*** off, I'll find him meself.

-Two fifty.

-You can have a quid.

You're a real tight f***er.

There was a problem with gypsies.

What're you doing?

Get out of the way, man.

You can't understand

what's being said.

You Tommy? Come about the caravan?

-Mr. O'Neil.

-F***, man. Call me Mickey.

Not Irish, not English.

-How are you?

-Weather's been kind.

It's just Pikey.

Would you look at the size of him?

How big are you?

-Kids, how big is he?

-Big, for sure.

Hey, Mam, come and look at the size

of this fella.

Bet you box a little, can't you, sir?

You look like a boxer.

Get out of the way.

See if they'd like a drink.

I could murder one.

Be no murdering done around here,

I don't mind telling you.

Get your hands out of there.

Cup of tea for the big fella?

Don't be silly, Mickey.

Offer the man a proper drink.

You little bugger.

-Is the big fella not coming with us?

-He's minding the car.

-What does he think we are, thieves?

-No, nothing like that.

-He just likes looking after cars.

-Good dags. Do you like dags?

-Dags?

-What?

-Yeah, dags.

-Dags. You like dags?

Oh, dogs.

Sure, I like dags.

-I like caravans more.

-You're very welcome.

Pikeys are well-known for their

skills of negotiation in business.

It's probably why

they talk like that...

...so you can't follow

what's being said.

But if Tommy can get the caravan

for less than the price asked...

...on his return

there will be ice cream.

Good dog, good family.

He'll get a little homesick,

but he'll get over it.

See you later, lads. See you, boss.

All right, Mickey. Laters.

I don't see what the fuss is about.

They aren't bad fellas.

The deal was, you bought it

how you saw it.

Look, I've helped you as much

as I'm going to help you.

See that car? Use it.

You should f*** off now while

you still got the legs to carry you.

Nobody brings you...

...unless they're trying

to say something without talking.

Just give our money back

and you can keep your caravan.

Why do I want a caravan

that's got no wheels?

-You want to settle this with a fight?

-Over my dead body.

Now, go on! Go on!

I'll not have you fighting!

You know what happens when you fight!

Get her to sit down.

For f***'s sake!

Want the money?

I ain't f***ed you.

I'll fight you for it. You and me.

So that's the kind of fight

it'll be.

You want to stay down.

You want to stay down!

Get back down and f***ing stay down.

I promise you, you want to stay down.

Deadly kick for a fat f***er,

you know that?

Cheeky bastard.

-Okay, lads.

-Get him on his feet.

Get back down...

...or you will not be coming up

next time.

Bollocks to you.

This is sick. I'm out of here.

You're not going anywhere,

you thick lump.

You stay until the job's done.

It turned out that the sweet-talking,

tattoo-sporting pikey...

...was a gypsy bare-knuckle

boxing champion.

Which makes him harder

than a coffin nail.

Right now that's the last thing

on Tommy's mind.

If Gorgeous doesn't wake up

in the next few minutes...

...Tommy knows he'll be buried

with him.

Why would the gypsies

want to explain...

...why a man died in their campsite?

Not when they can bury the pair

of them and just move camp.

It's not like they got

social security numbers, is it?

Tommy, "The Tit"...

...is praying.

And if he isn't...

...he f***ing should be.

Bad Boy.

-Sol.

-Easy.

No, it's a moissanite.

A what?

A moissanite is an artificial

diamond, Lincoln.

It's Mickey Mouse.

Spurious.

Not genuine.

And it's worth...

...f***-all.

Bad Boy, I keep telling you,

stick to being a gangster.

Leave this game to me and Sol.

Laters.

What is that, Vince?

This is a dog, Sol.

You are not bringing

that thing in here.

It's only a f***ing dog.

-Where'd you get it?

-The gyppos.

Here.

They threw it in with the moody gold.

You know gyppos, Sol. They're always

throwing dogs in with deals.

It better not be dangerous.

What do you think you're doing now?

I want him to get used

Rate this script:3.5 / 2 votes