Snatch Page #7

What's Boris doing here?

Boris, what are you doing here?

F*** you!

Where's the case?

-You piece of crap.

-Don't take the piss, Boris.

I'll show you.

F*** you!

Almost had it.

For f***'s sake.

F*** you and all.

You lucky bastard.

Jeez, it's flawless.

Don't get attached to it.

It's going to Brick Top.

Leave the dog here.

-Sol, why don't we just leave?

-Because life's too short, Vincent...

...and it'll get a lot shorter

if Brick Top wishes.

-Now leave that dog here.

-I'm gonna leave the dog here.

Don't worry about it!

And if that pikey mutt does

any damage, you're gonna pay.

It's okay.

Sit down. Down.

I don't want to go in there.

You'll never see me again.

Well, we won't if you don't.

All right, you give me the stone...

...and I will give it

to Brick Top. Yeah?

All right. Give me a minute.

It's a bit fiddly.

Why is it down there?

Well, I put it down there

in case we got mugged.

You ain't from this planet, are you?

Who is gonna mug two black fellas

holding pistols...

...sat in a car that's worth less

than your shirt?

Bullet-Tooth Tony and his friend,

Desert Eagle .50.

What have they got to do

with anything?

They're both staring straight at me.

You should never underestimate

the predictability of stupidity.

Now, out of the car.

And leave your water pistols behind.

Look, just tell him the stone's back

at the office.

I'll think of something.

Why's he sweating?

Oh, never mind.

Tommy, why is your skin leaking?

-I'm a little worried, actually.

-Worried about what?

What happens if the gypsy knocks

the other man out?

I mean, he's done it before,

hasn't he?

We get murdered before we leave the

building, and we get fed to the pigs.

I'm glad to see you're climbing

the walls in f***ing anxiety.

Pardon my cynicism,

but I don't exactly trust the pikey.

Don't think I haven't thunk

about that one.

It's his mum's funeral tonight.

God bless her.

You know those gypsies

like a drink at a wake.

I'm not worried about whether Mickey

knocks the other man out.

I'm worried about whether he makes it

to the fourth round.

What if he doesn't make it

to the fourth round?

We get murdered before leaving

the building...

...and I imagine we get fed

to the pigs.

So why are you so calm?

-I said--

-I heard what you said, Tommy!

It's not as though we've got a choice,

now, is it?

You show me how to control

a wild f***ing gypsy...

...and I'll show you how to control

an unhinged, pig-feeding gangster.

Bollocks! I'm going for a walk.

Oh, that f***ing dog!

Go on, get the dog.

-It's a bit funky in here, isn't it?

-Open a window.

You people live like animals.

Now, where's the stone?

-Come on, where is it?

-It's over here.

-Where? Where?

-I left it in a box.

It's empty.

I'm getting heartburn.

Tony, do something terrible.

No, I'm being serious!

The dog. The dog must have had it.

Now then, let's have a look,

shall we? Tony.

-What?

-Look in the dog.

-You mean, "look in the dog"?

-I mean, open him up.

It's not a tin of baked beans.

What do you mean, open him up?

You know what I mean.

That's a bit strong.

I don't know about this.

No, you can't do this.

It's f***ing squeaking!

You never heard a dog squeak before?

Give me that goddamn gun!

I'm shooting the dog!

Shoot the f***ing dog!

You sneaky f***ing bastard.

Thank God for that.

I hate f***ing dogs!

Come on, Tony.

Tony, come on!

Tony?

-Anything to declare?

-Yeah. Don't go to England.

That dog is gonna go back

to the campsite. It always does.

How's the dog gonna find the campsite?

Have you smelled the campsite, Sol?

All right. But we have

to wait until it gets light.

And we have to get rid

of these bodies.

That one with the tea cosy

on his head's starting to stink.

Right. Let's stick them in the car,

and then go and look for a pig farm.

Mickey.

Mickey!

You feeling all right, Mickey?

Need a drink.

You can't give him a drink!

It's not for him. It's for me.

Ah, mates. Amen.

He's a hard bastard, this Good night

Anderson, so pay attention.

All right, Mickey?

Mickey!

Need to have a shite!

If you see the pikey, Turkish or

his girlfriend come out before me...

...shoot the bastards.

Well, come on.

We got a fight to go to.

All right, Tom.

-Hope we get a better show this time.

-This will make up for it.

Mickey's going down in the fourth.

Terry over there is in charge

of the bets.

Now, you have to forgive me.

I'll forgive you

if he goes down this time.

-Our lads at the campsite?

-They're over there now.

I f***ing hate pikeys.

-How long have we gotta stay here?

-As long as it takes. Now, shut up.

F***ing hate pikeys.

Is he f***ing stoned?

He's like that before a fight.

Do you know when you're going down?

Of course he knows

when he's going down.

F***-face, who's speaking to you?

He asked him, didn't he?

F***-face? I like that one, Errol.

I'll remember that next time

I climb off your mum.

-Not now.

-Gonna be a tragedy of a fight.

Be a nice one.

Hell of a way to be a war.

And there none a yours.

There's a camp full of pikeys

that might not think you're so funny.

Not when they're putting out flames

on their children's backs.

Now get up and have a f***ing fight.

Three rounds and you're a vegetable,

aren't you, pikey!

I'm in charge here.

No f***ing about, no eye-gouging.

Do your worst. Let's get it on!

What the f***'s going on?

You gonna finish him or what?

Talk about saved by the bell.

Do you understand the consequences

of knocking that man out?

Do not knock him out, Mickey.

All right, let's break it up.

What, is he f***ing deaf?

What is he doing?

Come on and sit.

What the f*** are you doing, Mickey?

You're dancing like a fairy.

They'll hang us

if they think it's rigged.

Get out there and hurt him.

But for f***'s sake,

do not knock him out.

All he's got to do is stay down.

Now, we are f***ed.

He can't stand up.

We're out of here.

Stupid pikey knows Brick Top's got

keen-to-kill monkeys with shotguns...

...sitting outside his campsite.

Once the campsite's wiped out,

I know it's gonna be the same for us.

Ever cross the road

and look the wrong way?

Give me that f***ing shooter!

And, hey, presto,

there's a car nearly on you.

So, what do you do?

Something very silly.

You freeze. And your life

doesn't flash before you...

...because you're too scared

to think.

You just freeze

and pull a stupid face.

But the pikey didn't. Why?

Because he had plans

on running the car over.

It had previously occurred to me...

...that he'd taken the demise

of his mother rather lightly.

For every action,

there is a reaction.

And a pikey reaction...

...is quite a f***ing thing.

Pete, talk to me.

If you want your friend to hear you,

talk a lot louder than that.

-Give me that f***ing shooter.

-I'll give you your shooter, you c*nt.

That is when I thought the pikey

had money riding on himself.

That's why the bastard never

goes down when he's supposed to.

We've been tucked up...

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