Snavely

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1

I'll get it, Pedro.

Snavely manor.

Oh hello, Roger...

Yeah, hold on a mo, will you?

Room 17!

Take up!

Yes, I'm still here, Roger.

I do wish Pedro would learn English.

Hang on, sorry Roger, we've got a guest

waiting an hour for toilet paper.

How long have you been ringing?

Henry was supposed to be on the desk.

No, nobody's checked in yet this morning.

Why?

Three of them?

Well, they'll probably skip us,

and it's just as well.

What's at your place?

No, we're about half full,

or were when I left...

Every time I leave Henry alone here,

I worry about how many we lost.

Oh, you devil, Roge...

Oh, Roge...

Got to go, call you back.

You found it.

- You'll never guess where.

Whatever made you look in the furnace?

Well, I was down in the cellar, and...

Wait a minute!

How... How did you know...

You hid it there!

Roger... Henry, you are not...

- Yes, Roger's certainly on your mind!

- It's just that I was talking to him...

I know you're always talking to him...

- It was a slip of the mind...

- Slip of the mind!

You are not going to hang

him in the lobby again!

I am so, when I find the hammer.

Where did you hide it?

- Henry, that goat smells!

- Mountain goat!

Whatever.

The guests complained.

Well some of the guests smell,

and I don't complain.

Look, we live here too.

Why is everything for the guests?

Because we are in the hotel business.

God, how I hate it.

You beg, you borrow, you steal,

you work like a dog to build a business,

and what have you got?

- A half-empty hotel.

- It was full when you inherited it.

- Well all you did was marry into it.

You forgot to order toilet paper again.

I didn't forget! When you ration it,

the guests don't waste it.

Somebody's at the desk...

Stop that racket!

You'll be taken care of,

just wait your turn.

That's our typical guest out there now.

Pushy.

Where the devil is that hammer?

- Somebody's still at the desk.

- I'm not deaf, you know.

Why do I have to do

everything around here?

All you do is work crossword puzzles

all day and talk to Roge on the phone.

Roger only called to tip us off

that there were three inspectors from

the international hotel guide in town.

I know why Roger's calling here

all the time, and that--

The international hotel guide?

Why didn't you tell me?

Do you realize what it would be

if we got a good rating from them?

A miracle.

Three inspectors, huh?

Maybe he's one of them,

he's sniffing around.

- That could be the goat.

- Maybe you're right.

Why don't I...

Why don't I get rid of it?

Good idea!

If he's an inspector, I'll smoke him out.

Mr. Snavely will be right with you sir.

Is that yours?

Certainly not.

Good. We don't allow pets.

Ah, good afternoon, sir,

welcome to Snavely manor.

- I'd like a room.

- Certainly.

Will that be a single or a triple?

- I beg your pardon?

Well, if there were three of you,

we could put in a cot at no extra charge.

No, I'm alone. But I am very

particular about my accomodations.

Yes, I could tell right off that

you're a connaisseur of fine hotels.

Well, I do spend a lot of time

in them, in my line of work.

I'd like a quiet room,

spotlessly clean, with a view,

southern exposure, a king size bed with

linnen sheets and two woolen blankets,

and send a bowl of fresh

fruit on the night table.

That'll be number 8.

We'll move our things out right away.

No no nononono, Connie,

all of the roses at the window table.

That's where I want you

to seat mr. Bishop.

Oh I'm sorry, I thought it would look

nice with a rose on each table.

Don't apologize dear, you're here to learn

the hotel business and I'm happy to teach.

Excuse me...

I'd like a word with you.

- When I've finished my drink.

- You have.

- Excuse me.

What do you think you're doing?

- Well I know what you're doing?

What is that supposed to mean?

Fooling around with one

of the guests again.

- Henry, for heaven's sake...

- Never mind. I don't want this place

to look like a singles bar when

that hotel inspector comes in here.

Gladys, may I have the cheque please?

- It's on the house.

- I knew it!

- Now would you be so kind?

- It's a pleasure.

Bless you my child.

And thank you, my son.

- Something wrong, chief?

- Can't stand the news, Snavely.

Muggings, race riots, looting.

There was none of that in

Basterville while I was chief of police.

As I recall, seems to me there was only

one case of alleged rape in 12 years.

A remarkable record, chief.

If that cashier hadn't pressed charges

against me it wouldn't have ended.

You, chief?

Oh, she was jaywalking and I

pulled her over for a sobriety test.

Sobriety test?

You mean she charged you

with rape just for making

her blow up a balloon?

- We had another test.

- I don't care to hear about it.

Let me recommend

the beef stew la maison.

I've already had dinner Snavely, I think.

- Then why are you looking at the menu?

- I can't seem to remember what I had.

By the way have you seen

my pension cheque?

You cashed it last week, chief.

Ah, Mr Bishop.

Was the room to your liking?

- Adequate.

- I knew you'd be pleased!

Follow me. This way sir.

Connie!

A beautiful view of interstate 19.

Connie, take Mr Bishop's order

please, on the double?

Connie is working here for credit in her

college course in hotel management.

How is the stew?

A la maison monsieur! Excellent

choice! On the double, Connie.

No, wait a minute. Are the

vegetables in the stew fresh?

- Of course.

- They're not frozen, are they?

Because if they are frozen,

they're not fresh, are they?

Well, I can assure you they were

perfectly fresh when they were frozen.

Never mind the stew,

just bring me a cheese omelette.

Excellent choice, much better,

I'll get the chef right on it.

I have to make a phone call.

I'll be back in a minute.

Certainly, just use the phone in our...

your room, there'll be no charge.

You can take the window

table if you like Mr Foley.

- Thank you.

- Pedro.

I'll have the diet plate.

The diet plate.

Who are you?

My name is Foley,

I checked in this afternoon.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm going to have dinner.

Not at this table you're not.

It's taken.

Mrs Snavely put me here.

Well I'm Mr Snavely, and I run this

hotel. You'll have to sit over there.

Don't look chagrined sir, it's our

best table, away from the highway.

What do you want?

Why are you standing there?

Food! Food!

- What did you order?

- The diet plate.

Can't he speak English?

Albanian refugee. Might as well

give your order to the cat.

Bon appetite.

Don't put anybody else at the window

table, that's where I put Mr Bishop.

Oh I'm sorry, am I interrupting

you and Roger again?

Well it's okay, just as long as

you stay out of my dining room.

Just let me run my hotel.

- He sells hardware.

- What?

Mr Bishop. He sells hardware.

I listened in on his phone conversation.

- You listened in?

- Yes.

You listened in to a private

conversation of one of our guests?

That's right Henry.

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