Snavely Page #2

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The little rat, I'll kill him for this!

Pretending to be a hotel inspector!

It was your mistake!

Oh, Mr Bishop, we missed you!

Did you have a pleasant phone call?

Your phone receiver was greasy.

I had to wipe it off.

Henry!

He's still a guest.

I understand you're in the hardware game?

Yes.

Beats hell out of being

a hotel inspector, doesn't it?

I wouldn't know.

I didn't order this!

- I'm sorry, but you did!

I changed my order.

What's wrong with you people?

- You want to run this place?

- What?

Connie, Mr Bishop is taking over

the hotel. I'm having his beef stew.

It's not my beef stew!

Henry?

What's going on?

I'm just making Mr Bishop

more comfortable, dear.

Is everything alright Mr Bishop?

They've served me the wrong order.

I ordered a cheese omelette.

I'll straighten that out.

Troublemaker!

I didn't order this either.

Another problem, Mr Bishop? My, we

just can't seem to please you, can we?

I believe that's my diet plate.

If you were seated at the right table

it would have been served to you.

May I see the wine list?

We don't have a wine list,

just the house wine.

You should offer your guests a choice.

Another wiseguy wants

to take over this hotel!

Well I assure you, we are

not in the hotel business.

Then let me run the place.

We?

- I'm down here with two colleagues.

- Two of them?

- What?

- Two? Two?

- Yes, two of them, one of me,

that makes three of us.

- Where are they?

- They're staying at another hotel.

- Of course.

I do hope that everything is

to your satisfaction, Mr Foley?

How's the cottage cheese?

- I haven't had a chance to taste it yet.

Smells good.

I'm sure you'll be as delighted with

your dinner as our other guests.

- Snavely!

- Coming, sir.

Why am I being charged for beef stews,

a cheese omelette and a diet plate?

This hotel is a rip off.

- Shut up.

Bit of cheese caught in his throat.

Just stay calm, sir,

we'll have that out in a jiffy.

The Heimlich method,

it never fails to chokers.

I insist that our whole staff master it.

Don't let it disturb your dinner,

Mr Foley, just finish your coffee.

There now, mr. Bishop, not choking

on that nasty cheese anymore, are we?

Mr. Bishop is suing us.

Well just keep him in his room,

away from Mr. Foley.

You quite sure Mr. Foley

is the hotel inspector?

- No question about it.

- What are you looking for?

- Key to the fire alarm box.

- The what?

- I'm running a staff fire drill.

- What staff fire drill?

Well, you saw how impressed Mr.

Foley was with the way I handled.

that emergency with Bishop.

- I certainly did.

Well now I'm going to show

him how concerned we are

with the safety of our guests.

Where the devil is that key?

- You locked it in the safe.

Gladys, only an idiot would

lock a fire alarm key in a safe.

Right, dear.

- We are not sleeping in here.

- No. You are.

Well, for once, we're full,

and Mr. Bishop is still in our room.

I'll call Roger later and see if he has

something for me at the Siesta Lodge.

I know what Roger has

for you at the Siesta Lodge.

We're both sleeping here.

You set off the burglar alarm.

What was that?

Oh, the burglar alarm, Mr. Foley, just

running a check on our security systems.

Your valuables are snafe

here at Savely manor!

Hello, police department? Roy?

Well of course I know

the burglar alarm went off.

Just testing, want to see

if you boys are on your toes.

Well, call the car back!

Oh, by the way, Mr. Foley, we are having

a staff fire drill in just a few minutes.

- Wonderful...

- Snavely! Snavely!

I heard the burglar alarm.

- It was just a test, chief.

- Apprehend any suspects?

It was just a... with...

Why don't you go back to your room, chief.

- Aye. I'll get my service revolver.

- Fine. Lock yourself in and clean it.

Where is that key?

- What do you want?

- Not a damn thing from you!

- Where's Mrs. Snavely?

- Right here, Mr. Bishop.

In the name of heaven,

do something, my head is killing me.

I'll fix you an ice pack.

Try not to turn up any

more casualties while I'm gone.

- Mr. Snavely! Mr. Snavely!

- What? Yes?

Pedro got confused, and he thought

the burglar alarm was the fire alarm,

he chased everbody out of the

dining room out the back door!

- Voil, bandito, bandito.

- Bandito, where, where?

No!

Here, here.

Fire, fire. Savvy?

Fire, fire!

- Wonderful, get back in the kitchen.

- Kitchen!

Connie, go upstairs and get ready to

lead the guests through the fire escape.

- I'd rather not.

- Why not?

Because the last time I went up there,

the chief tried to give me a sobriety test.

- Connie, this is an emergency!

- Yes sir.

Out of my way! Out of my way!

Freeze! You're under arrest!

- There's nobody to arrest, chief.

- They got away again, huh?

- There's no burglary, chief.

Ignore him folks,

he's perfectly harmless.

Alright, folks, the staff fire drill

will start in a moment,

when you hear the alarm.

So just...

What are you all standing around for?

- Well, what do you want us to do?

- I don't care what you do!

I don't know why we go

through all this trouble anyway.

We should just let you all burn.

Alright folks, so that was the alarm.

Now clear the lobby, go to your rooms,

and the staff will be up there in a

minute to teach you how to escape.

- Fire, fire!

- No, no, there's no fire,

it's just a drill. Get back in the

kitchen, that's your station.

Now just be calm, clear the lobby, go to...

- Fire! Fire!

There is no fire, will you

just get back in there.

Stay calm. Go to your...

Why are you all...

There's no fire, you have to stay calm.

There's no f...

Fire! Fire!

Run for your lives!

Henry! Henry, what's going on?

There's a fire, and it's...

So sorry! Mr Foley!

Nothing like this has

ever happened before!

You won't put this

in your report, will you?

- What are you talking about?

- Look, there'll be...

There'll be no charge for your room.

You don't have to give us

a recommended rating. You don't

have to give us any rating at all.

Just forget all about Snavely manor!

- What?

It's not just a business

Mr. Foley, this is my life!

Oh for heaven's sake, the

international hotel guide

doesn't have to know you

stayed here, do they?

- The what?

- The international hot...

You're not a hotel inspector?

No I'm not a hotel inspector,

I wish to god I were!

Well forget all I said about no charge!

You'll pay like everybody else,

you bloodsucker!

The fire is out.

What happened to Pedro?

Gratitude, my dear.

I saved his life.

Let's see now, Snavely manor,

22 rooms, American clients.

Owner is mr. Henry Snavely,

a family operated just 10 minutes away.

Snavely, you'll hear

from my lawyer about this.

And you'll be getting a bill

for the clothes you ruined.

This is the worst hotel I've ever been in.

Well don't come crawling back here

when you need a room,

we reserve the right

to refuse service to anyone!

- Henry?

- Deadbeat...

- Henry, darling?

- What do you want?

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