Snowmen Page #3

Quiet.

Mr. White's body was found

nearly eight miles from his home,

which has authorities wondering

how far did he walk

and how far was his body

moved by city plows?

Funeral services will be held Saturday

at St. Paul's Oemetery.

In other news, the warm weather

is expected to continue.

We could go to the funeral.

Funeral is

only for family and friends.

What friends?

Nobody even knew

he was missing for a whole week.

That's the graveyard

across the lake?

It's right past the underwater park,

and I bet the TV people will be there

so we can get on the news again.

Oh, oh, yeah!

And you should tell the story

of how he opened his eyes

and looked right at you.

That's a good story, right?

Hey, hey, hey, mon.

I ain't swimming

across no lake in the cold, mon.

Slow down, mon.

We can't go any slower.

Oome on, Howard.

This ain't safe, mon.

They wouldn't make

a path if it wasn't safe.

Maybe we should go back

and walk around.

Oome on.

Look how big this lake is.

It would take, like, hours.

Just skating across it takes,

like, ten minutes.

Well, at least if you would try.

Whoa, oh!

What happened?

That was me trying, mon.

We should put our boots on now.

The cemetery's right over that hill.

Whoa! Look at the swing set!

Wow! Bet you don't have

one of these in Jamaica.

Oh, mon. I can't believe they

actually built a playground underwater.

Well, actually, they built it

in a hole too close to the beach.

Floods almost every year,

but, man,

it's never been this deep.

I mean, look at the slide.

Whee!

I heard it flooded one time

while a bunch of kids were playing,

and they all drowned.

It doesn't flood that fast,

but it is definitely haunted.

Every year,

kids fall through this very ice

and get trapped underneath.

Sometimes when the ice is clear,

you can see their ghosts

down there,

playing on the swings

and the slides.

But if the ghosts see you,

they climb up

and break the ice from underneath,

and then they grab your ankles

and pull you down

to play with them forever.

I ain't going

to no cemetery, mon.

Excuse me.

Pardon me. Sorry.

So how do we know

which one it is?

Well, it's gonna be fresh,

and there's probably

gonna be news people around it.

Excuse me.

They don't care if you step on them.

So you're not scared at all?

Of stepping on dead people?

- No.

- No.

Of what's gonna happen

to you when you die.

Well, what's that supposed to mean?

I'm definitely going to heaven.

My parents make me

go to church and everything.

That doesn't mean

you get to go automatically.

That's what my mom says.

I do get to go automatically,

'cause I'm a kid.

Kids don't even have

to be that good.

It's like a rule.

Oh, right.

Like dogs.

What?

Dogs do not go to heaven.

Yeah.

All dogs go to heaven.

It's in the Bible, right?

Probably in the Book of Sparky.

So if you know

you're going to heaven,

who cares

how people remember you?

Well, what if I meet a famous angel

like Benjamin Franklin,

and he says, "I invented electricity.

So what did you do?"

And all I can really say is I found

a boot with a dead guy in it.

- Billy, Billy.

- What?

Is that a new grave?

Oh, look. This is it.

Emerson Wyte.

Oh.

Man, we missed it

'cause he was so slow.

Maybe nobody came and they just

stuck him in the ground early.

No way!

Someone must

have come to his funeral.

Maybe not.

I mean, look.

He didn't even get a tombstone.

Just a piece of plastic.

I'm gonna end up like the Snowman,

like nothing in my life ever mattered.

I got to do something

so people don't forget me.

Hi, I'm Reggie Kirkfield

of Kirkfield Motors.

Recent events

have made me appreciate

how difficult winters can be

on those less fortunate,

and that gives me an idea.

- I'm freezing last year's prices!

... freezing last year's prices!

Don't be left out in the cold.

Oome on over to a hot new deal.

You don't want to be caught

walking out in this weather.

You don't want to be caught

walking in this weather,

so why not warm up

in this scorching deal?

So come on over!

Reg, are you serious?

What?

Elaine. Elaine.

Medical insurance,

medical bills that

the insurance won't pay for,

the lawyer who can't get

the medical insurance to pay for them.

Oh, hey, Dad.

Hey.

How long have you been there?

I was just watching that commercial.

It's really good.

Oh, yeah?

Better than the road kill one?

That one was really funny,

but this one is like a classic.

Oh.

Maybe I should hire you

to work at the dealership.

What's going on, champ?

What's up?

Um, can you help me get

on the television?

You want to be in a commercial?

Actually, there's something else

we're doing at school

that we thought

would be kind of cool

if we put it on TV

or the news or something.

Do you know how to do that?

Well, what?

What are you talking about?

Um, it's... it's a surprise.

Oh, a surprise, huh?

You know what?

Record it yourself,

and that way, you could post it

on the Internet.

It'd be free,

and the whole world would see.

What?

Oan we borrow your video camera?

I'm Billy Kirkfield,

and I'm about to be hit

by 100 snowballs in one minute.

Ready,

set,

go!

Profound!

Yeah, but look.

Only 16 people have watched it.

It's pretty good

for two days, right?

Yeah, but we just now

watched it four times,

and I watched it,

like, twice at home.

Me, too, mon.

Me, too, a couple times.

Maybe ten. Sorry.

We definitely need

to do something bigger,

something no one else

has ever done before.

Billy, please don't do this!

This is dangerous!

Oh, look.

Is that Jason down there?

Hey, Kirkfield!

I heard you were gonna kill yourself!

Oouldn't miss that!

Well, you're too chicken

to do it yourself!

Hey, there's a big difference

between being chicken

and being stupid!

Then how'd you get so good

at being both?

Man, I'm gonna laugh

at your funeral.

Let's do this, mon.

Oome on, Lucas.

Move out of the way.

Oh, crap!

Ohh!

Are you guys okay?

Oh, no.

I think I got snow

down me drawers.

Wait.

Wow, guys, that was great.

Maybe next time

you should go a little bit faster.

Oh, no,

there'll be no next time, mon.

I bet people will want to watch it.

Forget it.

I don't want to be remembered

for something embarrassing.

You know, you could send it

to Guinness World Records.

You should make it

for the biggest losers.

This is it!

If I can get my name in this book,

I'll never be forgotten.

Ah, here it is, mon.

The official website

for Guinness World Records.

Hey, look at this guy,

the world's longest earlobes?

We can do that, right?

We can stretch our earlobes.

Stretch your brain, Lucas.

I don't want to be tripping

over me ears.

We need to do something else.

Think, guys.

What can we do here that other people

in the world can't?

We can build snow forts.

Snow! That's perfect!

We have more snow than anybody!

What about, like,

world's tallest snowman?

That's a good one, mon.

I'm gonna look it up.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes