Solitary Man Page #2

thing out. Yeah?

Uh. Look, I dont really

think Allyson wants me

up there with her, all right?

Oh, yes, she does.

Just like my father wants to

squander fifty years of goodwill

and connections as well as

his position on a board of

directors just to get an admitted

grifter a new

dealership after

he almost tanked

an entire companys reputation.

Okay, Boston here I come.

Id feel a whole lot better if

you would just turn and leave.

I can see how bad you want to.

Go to Foxes for the

weekend or the Hamptons,

you know, wherever.

Stay out of sight.

Come on.

Thats what you were

hoping for the whole time.

Just try not to catch anything you

might give to my mother

later because I dont wanna

have to take care of her.

I dont lie to your mother.

I call bullshit, Ben.

You call what?

That means ask me where I was

for drinks the other night.

I thought you said

you dont drink.

I said I dont get drunk.

Okay. Where were you for

drinks the other night?

The bar at the Warwick.

And what night was that?

The night you hope it wasnt.

Cause you were in

the back booth with

that Eastern European web special.

That was my cousin Eva. She

was in town on business.

I dont know, why didnt you

just come by and say hello?

I was on my way over to.

And thats when I saw you slip

your hand under her skirt.

I thought maybe you

dropped something.

But then she started squirming

in such a way I thought,

I dont think he

dropped anything.

So thats gin.

Yeah?

Means that you won that hand.

I dont play cards.

Well, at least you didnt

sell me out. Thank you.

Id cheat on her if

she was my girlfriend.

Have a good weekend, Ben.

Okay. Im gonna do this for you. Not

for your mother, for you.

I know the school.

I know the dean.

I always regretted never going

to Susans college interview,

I was always too busy.

Hmm. Yeah, momma said you used to

always be on MSNBC and CNN.

And that you had dealerships

in every town in Long Island

and New Jersey and Connecticut.

Thats a slight exaggeration.

She also said you f***ed

it up six ways to Sunday.

No exaggeration there.

Look, I promise I will

not ruin your weekend.

You know, Ill give you a tour

of the campus, take you over to

meet the dean, you know,

for your interview.

Smooth things out. Shake hands. And

then Ill go back and crash

at the hotel and you can do whatever

the hell you want to.

And this time I

wont say anything.

And you wont treat

me like a kid, right?

Well, youre not a kid, are you?

Some guys supposed to meet us.

I dont know where

the hell he is.

You know, I thought

you were an involved alumni.

Alumnus. Just means

I write the big checks.

How do you know the

dean of this place?

Uh, he comes visits me, or he

used to. And hed always leave

my office with an endowed chair

in the English Department

or enough funding to break

ground on the library.

And what about now?

Courtesy calls

when hes in town.

Thats nice.

Insurance, for when I can

write the big checks again.

Look out!

Hey, a**hole. Let the

big dog hunt.

Let the big dog hunt.

Let the what?

Let the bi... look,

put the frisbee down.

Were frolfing.

That was my drive.

You called me an a**hole,

Im gonna earn it.

Dickwad.

Oh, my god. Ben!

Ben!

Easy..

Easy, easy.

Ben, stop it.

Hey, hey, hey!

Stop all this.

Officer.

Uh, Ben Kalmen.

Uh, here to see dean Gittleson.

I.D.S.

Someone wanna tell me

what happened here?

We had a little

misunderstanding.

Im willing to

forgive it if he is.

Im willing.

Good.

Get outta here.

Not so fast.

I wanna know what youre

doing on my campus.

Hes escorting me

for my interview.

She your daughter?

He goes out with my mother.

He tell you to say that?

No.

All right,

lets see it.

Eighteen.

Kalmen.

Youre the donor of the, the

library and all that, right?

Support the college

any way I can, officer.

So youre also the guy that sold

my cousin in Connecticut the

leased jeep, turned

out to be financed.

Cost him nine grand

on the backend.

We did have some

unscrupulous agents.

I take full responsibility.

Yeah, well, you do anything else

unscrupulous on my campus,

youll take more than the blame.

Yes, sir.

Wow.

Smooth.

Mr. Kalmen.

Uh, yes, thats me.

Hey, Im, uh, Daniel Cheston.

Im the vice president

of the student senate.

Uh, dean Gittleson

sent me to find you.

Are you, you okay?

No, Im, Im fine, Cheston.

I couldnt be better.

Hi, Edward, how are you?

Good, good. Rough, uh,

rough morning?

Uh. This is, uh,

Allyson Karsch.

Hello, Allyson.

Hi.

Allyson has my highest

recommendation.

Oh, well, I can scarcely

imagine a greater endorsement.

Uh-huh.

Heres what were gonna do.

Mr. Cheston has agreed to get

you reacquainted with the

grounds. I thought you might

to see the Kalmen Library.

And then you can

come back and, uh,

meet Allyson at freeman hall.

Good. All right.

Look, Cheston, you

got anything else

to do besides

show me around, do it.

You dont wanna see the library?

Why, because my name is on it?

Yeah.

No.

You know, youre

walking kinda funny.

You wanna go to the school

clinic and get it checked out?

I dont do doctors, not anymore.

You wanna at least clean

yourself up a little bit?

You can use my room.

Hi.

Cheston, you got a girl?

Cheston is actually

my last name.

My, my first name is Daniel.

Ah, thats a shame. There are

a million Daniels in the world.

Anybody can be Daniel.

But you get to be Cheston.

Okay.

Anyway, about that girl.

Uh, yeah, Im kind

of exploring that.

Cant get laid, huh?

I didnt say that.

Everything about you says it.

I mean, look at your

side of the room.

Anyone whos got the time to

put hospital corners on his

college bed is not spending

his days the right way.

I didnt even think

I did that today.

You had a girlfriend

in high school, right?

Yeah.

Right. You met her in, what,

uh, Model U.N. Program?

We were assistant directors of

the community outreach service.

Right. Then she went away to college.

She met some junior,

stormed the administration building,

the provosts office.

Yeah, how did you

know he was a junior?

Theyre always juniors.

And then youre stuck trying

to figure out how

you lost, uh...

Laurie.

Diana.

Diana.

Let me tell you something.

Out there is nothing

but possibilities.

Hey, Cheston.

Come here.

What about that one?

Or that one? Whats

wrong with them?

Nothing theyre probably

just not interested.

Well, thats because you dont

know how to talk to them.

Wait we have to get... okay.

What the hell did you say?

Were hanging out with em.

Tonight? No, I,

I cant do that.

Uh, uh, tonight were gonna go

to a party where theyre gonna

be and girls just like them.

Cheston, someday

youre gonna be my age.

You do not wanna regret

a night like this.

Hey, hold up.

Yeah.

I didnt say anything.

No, I know.

Only saps really love this sh*t.

Anyway, its nice the bench

is still here, you know.

Onward.

Ill take care

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