Some Freaks

1

- Hey!

- Sorry.

Hey!

F***ing give it to me, please!

- Just let us see it.

- No!

- Come on, just let us see it.

- Give it to me!

- Okay okay okay, fine, fine.

Not them, just me.

- Dude, come on, cut it out.

- I won't take a

picture, I swear, see?

- Jeremy!

- Phone's away,

just let me see it.

- Everyone is gonna see.

- Hold on.

We're negotiating.

- Seriously man, just

stop being a**holes.

Come on, this is stupid.

- Let go!

- No no no, I got it.

Take what's-his-face,

the Korean kid,

f***ing Kwong Wah

Kow or one of those

horrible names or something.

- Dude, his parents are

loaded, I should be so lucky.

They probably pick me up in a

hot tub rollover or something.

- The kid in PE,.

- His would warp the corsage.

- Oh come on, it'd be your

good deed for the year.

Pull a Christine

and have all the

kids vote for him for prom king.

- Dude, the movie's

Carrie, dipshit.

- No no no, hold on, I

got it, I totally got it.

You know who you should go with?

- Yeah, who?

- Cyclops.

- Oh my God, you're so f***ed.

- Watch him show up with

a parrot and a peg leg.

- He's right there.

- So go ask him.

- No!

- Come on, now's

your chance, go on.

Fine, fine, I'll do it.

Hey.

Hey you.

What's his name?

- Mike?

- Hey, hey Mike!

Hey!

- Shut up!

- Jesus, come on.

Where are you going?

- This is ridiculous.

- We're awful.

- Hey eyeball!

There's something to your right!

Just kidding.

Careful, watch your,

nah, just kidding.

Goddammit Matt, would you

stop f***ing walking already?

Get in the goddamn car.

Hurry up, come on.

Dude, so I got this new game.

Open world, sandbox

kind of game.

I dunno, it doesn't even have

a name yet, that's

how new it is.

My aunt grabbed this advanced

beta testing copy

in LA, oh yeah,

she's staying with

us by the way.

You'll meet her, she's cool.

Anyway, it's nuts!

Anywhere you wanna

go, you can go,

anything you wanna

do, you can do.

You can steal jets.

- No, you can't just,

yeah, that's why

they got a joint

account, douchebag

because it's both

of ours, you can't,

yes, yes I did, every paycheck!

Yeah, and if I don't

see every penny

returned by Friday

I will stick my

lawyer in your ass so fast it'll

make your f***ing head explode!

Hey!

Hey, can you go get Hunter

please, he's in his crib!

Wait wait wait

wait wait, hold on.

What do you mean until

I give back the ring?

I gave back the ring.

Yes.

Yes I did, when you were here!

- I got you.

- Are you high or just retarded?

Yeah, yeah, that's what I

thought, that's what I thought.

- Mr. Cahill is out

sick, but he has left me

instructions to have you

work on group projects.

Today you will be

dissecting fetal pigs.

If you do not feel

comfortable dissecting

the actual animals,

there are computers

set up on the side

of the room that

will take you through

the virtual process.

Okay, split up into

groups of two and you

can find your specimens

on the back table.

- Okay, so it says here we need

to insert the blade through the

body on one side of

the umbilical cord

and cut posteriorly to

the base of the leg.

What do you say, you

wanna do the honors?

Okay, I'll do it.

Who's getting hungry?

That was a joke.

Well, I mean...

I'm a vegetarian, but it's also

because of the

whole animal rights

thing more than

just 'cause I got a

waistband the size of

a low-flying blimp.

That was a joke too.

Kinda.

Okay, never mind.

Extend a single cut

along the midline

of the ventricular

surface of the

animal to about two centimeters

from the chain, cut completely

through the yadda

yadda yadda yadda,

okay, what is this,

rocket science?

All right.

- Hey, what's going on?

- I wanna suck off

Justin Langsey.

- Who?

- Number six.

He's so clumsy, I love it.

I just wanna yank

down those little

black shorts of his

and suck his dick.

- Okay, all right.

- But he's got a

small dick, you know?

You don't believe me about this,

but I've got a sixth sense about

these kinds of things,

I do, seriously.

- I believe you.

- I bet it is the size

of a dry erase marker.

- Okay, do you wanna

just get out of here?

- I don't care you know,

I'd suck it anyway.

Probably make it easier.

- Hello?

- God he's beautiful.

- Hey, you done?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Let's go.

So the kid is just

standing there

with his harmonica in his mouth.

- Right.

- And his dad's on his shoulders

with a noose around his neck...

- Oh sh*t, I gotta introduce

you to Jill, hold on.

Jill!

- Basically he's

just left to stand

there until, basically

until he passes out.

- Jill!

- And his dad hangs

to death, it's insane,

it's such a great, great shot,

I'll have to show

it to you sometime.

- Yeah.

Wait, how does he play

the harmonica if hes's...

- He's not playing

the harmonica.

- Jill!

- It's like, it's

just like a simple...

- She must've gone out.

You wanna play video games?

F***.

Sh*t.

- So there was this

new girl in bio today.

- Oh yeah?

Is she cute?

Is she cute, you

gonna ask her out?

You gonna break some hearts?

- Pfft.

- What pfft, what do you

say it like that for?

Come on.

You are a handsome...

- I just mean...

- You're a handsome

goddamn dude,

seriously, I mean it, you got

this whole monocular man thing

going on, total secret agent,

total Nick Fury, Nick

f***ing Fury man,

except in the comic

books, not in the movie,

you're not Samuel L.

Jackson, you're not bald.

Or black.

- But dude, she is

the size of a house.

I mean she should save time and

shove me in a trash compactor.

This girl would crush me.

- No no no, she's not too fat.

- Yeah she is.

- She's not that fat.

Just four feet too short, f***.

- What?

- What do fat women and

mopeds have in common?

- I don't know.

- They're both to fun to

ride, but you wouldn't

want your friends to

see you on either one.

Right?

- Okay, I have one.

- Okay.

- How do you find a

fat girl's vagina?

- How?

- You flip through the

folds until you smell crap.

Then you go back one.

- Where did you even hear that?

- I don't know, it was on

the internet or something.

- Hey where were you, we were

looking all over for you.

Oh yeah, Matt, Jill, Jill, Matt.

- Hey.

Is anyone sitting here?

So you're Elmo's aunt?

I mean that's

pretty weird right?

How does that even happen?

- His mom is my sister

and my dad's his grandpa.

What, do you want me to

draw you a family tree?

- No, no, I just...

I don't know, 'cause I

mean my sister and I,

we're like, I don't

know, I was just trying...

- You was just trying to

make some weird roundabout

apology for hurting my

feelings the other day.

- What...

- Which is f***ing

lame by the way.

You can do that with a

f***ing fat joke, ugh.

So you clearly

wanna make amends or

pacify your conscience

or weasel me

into bed or whatever

the f*** it is

That you're trying to do,

- Wait, what?

So why don't you just

get it over with?

"I'm sorry"?

- Okay, I'm sorry.

- Do you mean it?

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