Some Like It Hot Page #24

JERRY:

Why, that dirty old man!

He throws the instruments disgustedly on one of the beds.

JOE:

What happened?

JERRY:

I got pinched in the elevator.

JOE:

Well, now you know how the other

half lives.

JERRY:

(looking in the mirror)

And I'm not even pretty.

JOE:

They don't care -- just as long as

you wear skirts. It's like waving a

red flag in front of a bull.

JERRY:

I'm tired of being a flag. I want to

be a bull again. Lets get out of

here, Joe. Let's blow.

JOE:

Blow where?

JERRY:

You promised -- the minute we hit

Florida, we were going to beat it.

JOE:

How can we? We're broke.

JERRY:

We can get a job with another band.

A male band.

JOE:

Listen, stupid -- right now Spats

Colombo and his chums are looking

for us in every male band in the

country.

JERRY:

But this is so humiliating.

JOE:

So you got pinched in the elevator.

So what? Would you rather be picking

lead out of your navel?

JERRY:

All right, all right!

(rips off his hat and

wig, tosses them on

the bed)

But how long can we keep this up?

JOE:

What's the beef? We're sitting pretty.

We get room and board -- we get paid

every week -- there's the palm trees

and the flying fish --

JERRY:

What are you giving me with the flying

fish? I know why you want to stick

around -- you're after Sugar.

JOE:

(holier-than-thou)

Me? After Sugar?

JERRY:

I watched you two on the bus -- lovey-

dovey -- whispering and giggling and

borrowing each other's lipstick --

JOE:

What are you talking about? Sugar

and me, we're just like sisters.

JERRY:

Yeah? Well, I'm your fairy godmother --

and I'm keeping an eye on you.

There is a KNOCK on the door.

BIENSTOCK'S VOICE

Are you decent?

Joe pulls Jerry's wig out of the hat, jams it down his head.

JOE:

Come in.

Bienstock comes in.

BIENSTOCK:

You girls have seen a brown bag with

a white stripe and my initials?

JERRY:

A what?

BIENSTOCK:

My suitcase -- with all my resort

clothes.

JOE:

(glancing down)

No, we haven't.

BIENSTOCK:

Can't understand it. First my glasses

disappear -- then one of my suitcases --

Sugar appears in the doorway behind him.

SUGAR:

Where's my ukulele?

BIENSTOCK:

-- now a ukulele? There must be a

sneak thief around here.

He goes out, shaking his head in puzzlement.

JERRY:

(handing her the

ukulele)

Here you are, Sugar.

SUGAR:

A bunch of us girls are going for a

swim. Want to come along?

JERRY:

You betcha.

JOE:

Wait a minute, Daphne. You haven't

got a bathing suit.

SUGAR:

She doesn't need one. I don't have

one either.

JERRY:

(to Joe)

See? She doesn't have one either --

(to Sugar)

You don't?

SUGAR:

We'll rent some at the bathhouse.

How about you, Josephine?

JOE:

No, thanks. I'd rather stay in and

soak in a hot tub.

He steps into the bathroom, turns on the faucet.

JERRY:

Yeah -- let her soak. Come on.

JOE:

Don't get burned, Daphne.

SUGAR:

Oh, I have some suntan lotion.

JERRY:

She'll rub it on me -- and I'll rub

it on her -- and we'll rub it on

each other -- bye.

He ushers Sugar out in high spirits. Joe looks after them,

then quickly locks the hall door, and stepping into the

bathroom, turns off the water. He hurries over to the bed,

slides out Bienstock's suitcase, opens it. It's crammed full

of resort clothes -- and Joe takes out a blazer, flannel

pants, and a yachting cap, which he perches on his head.

Then he lifts his skirt above his knee, pulls out Bienstock's

glasses from under his garter. He puts them on, peers around

myopically. His enlarged eyes are grotesque -- but then again,

so is his scheme.

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