Some Like It Hot Page #38

SECOND OFFICIAL:

What's in there?

SECOND HENCHMAN:

My golf clubs. Putter, niblick, number

three iron --

The official pulls a submachine gun out of the bag.

SECOND OFFICIAL:

What's this?

SECOND HENCHMAN:

My mashie.

Spats emerges from behind the screen.

PARADISE:

(still tossing coin)

See you at the banquet, Spats.

Spats looks at the young punk contemptuously, snatches the

coin out of the air.

SPATS:

Where did you pick up that cheap

trick?

(drops the coin in

the kid's breast

pocket)

Come on, boys.

He and his henchmen start across the lobby toward the

reception counter. As they pass Mulligan, he rises.

MULLIGAN:

Well, Spats Colombo -- if I were saw

one.

SPATS:

Hello, copper. What brings you down

to Florida?

MULLIGAN:

I heard you opera-lovers were having

a little rally -- so I thought I

better be around in case anybody

decides to sing.

SPATS:

Big joke!

MULLIGAN:

Say, Maestro -- where were you at

three o'clock on St. Valentine's

Day?

SPATS:

Me? I was at Rigoletto.

MULLIGAN:

What's his first name? And where

does he live?

SPATS:

That's an opera, you ignoramus.

MULLIGAN:

Where did they play it -- in a garage

on Clark Street?

SPATS:

Clark Street? Never heard of it.

MULLIGAN:

Ever hear of the DeLuxe French

Cleaners on Wabash Avenue?

SPATS:

Why?

MULLIGAN:

Because the day after the shooting

you sent in a pair of spats -- they

had blood on them.

SPATS:

I cut myself shaving.

MULLIGAN:

You shave with your spats on?

SPATS:

I sleep with my spats on.

MULLIGAN:

Quit kidding. You did that vulcanizing

job on Toothpick Charlie -- and we

know it.

SPATS:

You and who else?

MULLIGAN:

Me and those two witnesses whom your

lawyers have been looking for all

over Chicago.

SPATS:

You boys know anything about any

garage -- or any witnesses?

FIRST HENCHMAN:

Us? We was with you at Rigoletto's.

MULLIGAN:

Don't worry, Spats. One of these

days we'll dig up those two guys.

SPATS:

That's what you'll have to do -- dig

'em up!

He leads his boys away from Mulligan toward the reception

desk.

The elevator door opens, and among the passengers stepping

out are Joe and Jerry, in their summer dresses. Joe is

carrying their room key.

JERRY:

(indicating diamond

bracelet on wrist)

I feel like such a tramp -- taking

jewelry from a man under false

pretenses.

JOE:

Get it while you're young. And you

better fix your lips. You want to

look nice for Osgood, don't you?

Jerry stops, takes a mirror and lipstick out of his handbag,

starts to touch up his lips.

JERRY:

It's just going to break his heart

when he finds out I can't marry him.

JOE:

So? It's going to break Sugar's heart

when she finds out I'm not a

millionaire. That's life. You can't

make an omelette without breaking an

egg.

JERRY:

What are you giving me with the

omelette?

JOE:

Nag, nag, nag. Look, we got a yacht,

we got a bracelet, you got Osgood,

I've got Sugar -- we're really

cooking.

JERRY:

(his eyes transfixed

by something he sees

in the mirror)

Joe --

JOE:

What?

What Jerry sees in the mirror is Spats Colombo and the four

henchmen.

JERRY:

Something tells me the omelette is

about to hit the fan.

He nods in the direction of the reception desk. Joe looks,

sees what Jerry has seen, then --

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