Some Like It Hot Page #39

JOE:

Come on, Daphne.

With as much grace as they can muster, they hurry back toward

the elevator. The doors are just opening, and our Bellhops

comes backing out, trundling an old man in a wheelchair. The

old man wears a Panama hat, dark glasses, and is covered up

to his chin with a plaid blanket.

Joe and Jerry almost fall over the invalid in their haste to

get to the elevator.

INT. ELEVATOR - (CONTINUOUS) - DAY

Joe and Jerry scramble inside.

JOE:

Going up.

As the elevator operator starts to close the doors, he is

arrested by --

SPATS' VOICE

Hold it.

Joe and Jerry freeze as Spats steps into the elevator,

followed by the four henchmen.

SPATS:

I don't mean to be forward -- but

ain't I had the pleasure of meeting

you two broads before?

JOE:

Oh, no!

JERRY:

You must be thinking of two other

broads.

SECOND HENCHMAN:

You ever been in Chicago?

JERRY:

Us? We wouldn't be caught dead in

Chicago.

Spats, his interest aroused, is now also studying the two

boys. To their relief, the elevator stops and the operator

opens the door.

OPERATOR:

Third floor.

FIRST HENCHMAN:

(to the boys)

What floor are you on?

JOE:

Never you mind.

He waves them away with the hand holding the room key. The

henchman glances at the numbered tag.

FIRST HENCHMAN:

Room 413 -- we'll be in touch.

He follows the others out.

JERRY:

(coyly)

Don't call us -- we'll call you.

As the elevator doors start to close, Spats glances over his

shoulder toward the boys, frowning thoughtfully. In the

elevator, Joe and Jerry look at each other, swallow hard.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ROOM 413 - DAY

Joe and Jerry are frantically dumping their clothes into two

open suitcases on the bed.

JERRY:

I tell you, Joe, they're on to us.

They're going to line us up against

the wall and --

(imitating machine

gun)

Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh -- and then the police

are going to find two dead dames,

and they're going to take us to the

ladies' morgue, and when they undress

us -- I tell you, Joe, I'm just going

to die of shame.

JOE:

Shut up and keep packing.

JERRY:

Okay, Joe.

He picks up an orchid corsage, in a transparent box, from

the desk, starts to put it into the suitcase.

JOE:

(grabbing it)

Not that, you idiot.

JERRY:

But they're from Osgood. He wanted

me to wear them tonight.

Joe tosses the corsage box into the waste basket. Jerry starts

to pack the maracas.

JERRY:

I'll never find another man who's so

good to me.

Joe fishes out Bienstock's yachting cap from under the bed,

turns it over in his hand, lost in thought.

JERRY:

(continues)

Joe, if we get out of this hotel

alive, you know what we're going to

do? We're going to sell the bracelet,

and grab a boat to South America and

hide out in one of those banana

republics --

(removes bracelet,

puts it in jewel

case on desk)

The way I figure is, if we eat nothing

but bananas, we can live there for

fifty years -- maybe a hundred years --

that is, if we get out of the hotel

alive.

(looking around)

Did we forget anything?

JOE:

(still studying cap)

There's our shaving stuff -- and

there's Sugar.

JERRY:

Sugar?

JOE:

(picking up phone)

Get me Room 414.

JERRY:

What do you think you're doing?

JOE:

Making a telephone call.

JERRY:

Telephone call? Who's got time for

that?

JOE:

We can't just walk out on her without

saying goodbye.

JERRY:

Since when? Usually you leave 'em

with nothing but a kick in the teeth.

JOE:

That's when I was a saxophone player.

Now I'm a millionaire.

JERRY:

Drop her a postcard. Any minute now

those gorillas may be up here --

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