Some Like It Hot Page #42

She exits. Jerry turns on Joe furiously.

JERRY:

You crazy or something? The place is

crawling with mobsters -- gangrene

is setting in -- and you're making

like Diamond Jim Brady! How are we

going to get out of here? How are we

going to eat?

JOE:

We'll walk. And if we have to, we'll

starve.

JERRY:

There you go with that we again.

He picks up his suitcase, starts toward the door. Joe grabs

him and pulls him back.

JOE:

Not that way.

(heading for window)

We don't want to run into Spats and

his chums.

He steps through the open French window onto the balcony.

Jerry starts to hand out the instruments and luggage to him.

INT. SPATS' SUITE - DAY

The four henchmen, in dinner clothes are playing cards in

the lavishly appointed living room when Spats emerges from

the bedroom. He is just slipping into his tuxedo coat, and

his spats are unbuttoned.

SPATS:

(to Second Henchman)

Your hands clean?

(the henchman extends

his palms up, then

turns them over)

Okay. Button my spats.

He drops into a chair, and the Second Henchman kneels, starts

to button the spats.

FIRST HENCHMAN:

Say, boss -- I been talking to some

of the other delegates -- and the

word is that Little Bonaparte is

real sore about what happened to

Toothpick Charlie. Him and Charlie,

they used to be choir boys together.

SPATS:

(dryly)

Stop, or I'll burst out crying.

FIRST HENCHMAN:

He even got Charlie's last toothpick --

the one from the garage -- and had

it gold-plated.

SPATS:

Like I was telling you -- Little

Bonaparte is getting soft.

(taps his chest)

He doesn't have it here any more.

Used to be like a rock.

(shaking his head)

Too bad. I think it's time for him

to retire.

SECOND HENCHMAN:

Second the motion.

FIRST HENCHMAN:

How are we going to retire him?

SPATS:

We'll think of something cute. One

of these days, Little Bonaparte and

Toothpick Charlie will be singing in

the same choir again.

He points up. Outside the window, Joe appears, climbing down

a post from the floor above. He lands on the balcony, reaches

up for the instruments and suitcases which the unseen Jerry

is passing down to him.

SPATS:

And this time, we'll make sure there

are no witnesses.

The First Henchman glances out the window, sees Jerry climbing

down the post to join Joe.

FIRST HENCHMAN:

Look -- it's those two broads from

the elevator.

Spats turns and looks. The Second Henchman, beaming, crosses

to the window, calls out.

SECOND HENCHMAN:

Hey -- join us!

Joe and Jerry, panic-stricken, peer through the Venetian

blinds at Spats and his mob. Then they scramble for their

lives over the railing of the balcony and down, their hats

and wigs knocked askew.

SECOND HENCHMAN:

What's the matter with those dames?

SPATS:

Maybe those dames ain't dames!

He yanks up the Venetian blinds, steps quickly out onto the

balcony, looks down over the railing. Then he picks up the

bull-fiddle, drags it through the window into the room.

SPATS:

Same faces -- same instruments --

(pointing at bullet

holes)

-- and here's your Valentine's card.

FIRST HENCHMAN:

(catching on)

Those two musicians from the garage!

SPATS:

They wouldn't be caught dead in

Chicago -- so we'll finish the job

here. Come on.

Led by Spats, they all dash out of the room.

After a moment, Joe's and Jerry's heads appear cautiously

over the balcony railing. Seeing that the room is empty,

they climb up, rush in through the open windows.

JERRY:

All right -- so what do we do now?

JOE:

First thing we got to do is get out

of these clothes.

He opens the door to the corridor and they peer out.

INT. THIRD FLOOR CORRIDOR - DAY

There is no sign of Spats and his boys. The elevator door is

just opening, and the Bellhop emerges, pushing the old man

in the wheelchair. Joe and Jerry watch as the Bellhop wheels

the old man into one of the rooms. They look at each other,

as the same idea occurs to them both, nod their heads in

agreement. Slipping out of Spats' room, they cross the

corridor to the old man's room, start inside.

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