Some Velvet Morning Page #5

So, maybe when I get to my hotel

room and I get settled...

I take my socks and I put them away

in the drawer and all that, what?

What do I do? I sit around and I

wait for you call?

For lunch?

- What?

- And then..

then maybe we can, you know...

talk about this thing between us

and...

I don't know. Just not now. Just

not now.

No, not when you're about to go

get my son's cock up your ass.

That is bad timing.

You're being so horrible today,

Fred.

Horrible. What have I done to

you?

- Do you really want the answer to that?

- Yeah.

I do, Fred, actually.

Even if it makes me late, I do

want an answer to that.

I don't know.

All I know is that...

I just hate you now. Because if I can't

have you, that's all I have left, hate.

Because if I can't have you,

that's all I have left.

Hate.

How is that fair? I mean, to

another person.

Who said anything about fair?

I mean...

have you at all been listening

to me?

- Yeah.

- You have?

Because...

we're talking about love here.

Okay?

Love.

When has love ever been fair?

I guess that's right.

It's completely right.

Fred, maybe we can talk about

this...

another time, you know, when...

I don't know.

- When?

- I don't know.

Sometime in the near future.

Okay. well, just give me a time.

I mean, if I have to make an

appointment with you or something...

I'd rather do that and get it on

the books.

- We don't have to do that right now.

- No, no. It's easier for me.

- So, what, Tuesday?

- Let me check.

All right, Tuesday.

I can't. I have class then.

- Wednesday. What about Wednesday?

- No, I can't do Wednesday. I'm booked.

Monday. I left out Monday.

No I can't. I can't do Monday.

All right, I don't know, you just tell me.

Tell me when. Tell me.

I can do... How's next weekend?

Really? You're gonna squeeze me

in on the weekend?

Like squeeze me in on Saturday?

No, I can't do... How's Sunday?

Are you serious? Really?

"I can't do Saturday, but I can

do Sunday"? Really?

Yeah.

Okay, yeah. No, that's fine. Yeah,

I mean, that's fine. Whatever.

I'm here for you, okay? And if

you need that...

you know, whatever you need. You

know, I'm here for you.

If you need to squeeze me in between your

yoga class and your job and your dog...

whatever the... you know.

Maybe I should just take that shuttle

right back to Maryland right now.

- Maybe that's what I should do.

- Maybe you should.

Excuse me?

- Nothing.

- No, go ahead, say it.

I said, maybe you should. Maybe you

should go home and think about it...

and then call me on the phone...

and we can talk about it and see,

you know, what's what and...

We don't have to have this big

scene here.

- You think this is big?

- I do, yeah.

- Then you have a lousy memory.

- Why, 'cause of how we ended?

- Exactly.

- No, I haven't forgotten that.

Really? That's good, great,

awesome.

What are you so angry about,

Fred?

So bitter. I haven't done

anything.

So what? Sh*t happens to people who

haven't done anything all the time.

What does it matter?

It just depends on how we deal

with it when it lands at our feet.

- Is that right?

- Yeah, that is right. That's the truth.

The lesson is in the struggle.

That's what makes us shine...

or roll over and die like little

b*tches in the dirt...

with our guts exposed and flies

shitting in our open mouths.

I'm sorry.

I'm not mad. I'm just...

I'm just very, very

disappointed.

I understand.

No, you don't.

Because if you did, you would

crawl over here and blow me.

Just out of sympathy.

Is that what you'd like?

I wouldn't hate it.

Is that what you'd like?

Would that make you happy? Would

it?

Don't, don't. Don't touch.

Don't.

Would it make you happy?

Don't! Don't! Don't do that!

Don't play those games. Why do

you play those games? Why?

- I hate games!

- I don't know what you mean.

Is that what you do with Chris? Do you

play those little games with him?

Is that what you do? Little kissy-kissy,

lovey-lovey games with him?

Chris doesn't make me suck his

cock.

He doesn't make me do anything.

Well, isn't he a f***ing p*ssy.

I know he's really good with

computers and everything, but...

Imagine what he thinks of you.

I don't give a f*** what he

thinks about me.

Not at all.

I only know how I feel about

you...

and he could never, ever feel

the same way that I do.

Is that true?

That's the truth.

Isn't that what you like? The

truth?

You are one of those people,

aren't you...

who only wants the cold hard

truth.

Aren't you one of those people?

Do you hate everyone, or is it

just me?

Now it's just you.

That's kind of shocking to hear.

You asked for it.

I know. I know I did. It's

just...

Where are you going?

I'm going downstairs.

You know, I didn't feel this way

an hour ago.

I didn't come here to hate

you...

nor to grind my ego into the carpet

in order for me to get to that place.

Don't say that, Fred.

I don't regret any of the feelings I've

had for you or seeing you. I never have.

- Yeah?

- No, not one day.

And if you didn't think I was in love with you

at some point, then you just weren't listening.

- Maybe not.

- No. Absolutely so.

That there was a moment there

where...

I would've run off to China with

you on a dog sled.

I mean, I know that sounds stupid,

but you know what I mean, anything.

I would've done anything with

you or for you, all of it.

I know. F***.

I had you there for a second,

didn't I?

Yeah. You did. Completely.

Broke it off with your son and,

you know.

All I wanted was just a little bit of

time, just to let the smoke clear.

And not even selfishly, not just

for me, but for everyone else...

just so they weren't all crushed

in the wreckage...

and that that didn't weigh on my

shoulders as well, you know.

It was weeks actually, it was just

weeks, and you couldn't do it.

- No, I know, but...

- No, I'm talking now, Fred. I am.

And I listened to all your sh*t,

all your bile...

and the mean-spirited crap that

you tossed my way.

And now it's your turn to hear me out.

To hear what I have to say. All right?

Okay? I did have to back off a

bit.

I had to turn it down a notch 'cause I

just needed some f***ing space to breathe.

To sleep in my own bed. So I didn't

feel like I had blood on my hands.

And you wouldn't let me do it.

Your hand kept f***ing

tightening around my neck...

and I would wake up in the morning and I

would feel your f***ing fingers in my neck.

And the messages...

Hundreds of messages daily.

And if I was busy or out or I

was doing something here...

they just got so f***ing mean

and so f***ing dark.

Horrible, that I couldn't take

it anymore.

That was it.

That's what people do when they love each other.

That's what they do.

When you love somebody, you want to be

near them, you want to be with them.

That's just the way it is. But

you don't see it that way.

- No, I don't.

- Well, then fine.

Let's just leave it where it is

then. Dead.

- After all I did for you.

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