Some Velvet Morning Page #6

- Yeah, all you did for me.

- But none of it was ever real or genuine.

- Oh, come on.

Please, all the gifts and the f***ing...

Oh, my God!

No, not gifts. Little tests and

traps...

to see if I'd react or if I

wouldn't react.

Little f***ing prizes. I got

little f***ing prizes.

If I loved you enough. Oh,

f***ing Fred.

Right. That sounds just about

right. Yeah, that's right.

So unfucking grateful. I gave

you everything.

- Fred. F***, I was never ungrateful.

- Everything!

No, listen. Do you know what

everything is?

Everything is everything. Not

just lots of things.

Not just some things. Not just

what you wanted to give.

- Really?

- It's all of it.

It's all of it.

Great. This is great. I really love

your little revisionist history, okay?

But what really happened, what

really happened...

was one day you were all kisses

and whispers...

and that tiny little smile of yours, and

then the next day it was like that!

You changed. It was just like I was

f***ing your sister or something.

I mean, what is that? Your phone

calls started tapering off...

you pulled back emotionally.

What was that?

That's the sh*t that I'm talking about.

You choking me! That's what I'm saying!

No, no, no, no. You changed.

Something was gone. The way you

looked at me was different.

I had to take the pressure off. I needed to

put the brakes on. I needed to slow us down.

It didn't slow us the f*** down. What you

did was you brought us to a dead stop.

Wham! Like that! That's what

happened!

- I had to.

- You didn't have to!

- You made a choice!

- No, I didn't. That's bullshit, and you know it.

And this right here is why you

hate games, do you know that?

Because you can't stand to lose. That's

right, isn't it? No, that's right.

And it's f***ing eating you up inside because

you know I didn't pull my love away!

You know you pulled your f***ing love away!

Minute by f***ing minute!

And you lost me! You lost me and

that is the f***ing truth!

And you don't want to acknowledge

that inside, the f***ing truth!

You don't want to f***ing acknowledge

the f***ing truth, Fred!

- F***!

- Don't you f***ing hit me.

Don't you f***ing hit me!

That's the way these things go,

man.

Did you ever read "Lolita"?

It ends badly.

You are funny, Fred.

You are. You're funny.

Yeah, I'm a real card.

You're a funny person, Fred.

That's one of the things that

always attracted me towards you.

- Really?

- Absolutely.

Jeez.

And I thought it was my big

thick cock the whole time.

There, you see?

Even that's a little bit funny.

Thanks. And obviously not the

case.

No, no, no, that's not true. I

like it just fine, but you...

No. Jesus, don't finish that sentence

or I'll never take my pants off again.

I like it when you're like this.

I know.

My stomach is in knots, but I'm

trying.

I know you are. I appreciate it.

I know that you like the funny

me, the lighthearted me.

You know, the...

And I guess I thought that I'd come

back here and I'd knock on your door...

and you'd let me in and I'd tell

you a few jokes...

and I'd be back in your loving

embrace.

But you see how that's, I mean,

you see how that's impossible.

You see how that's about a hundred percent

impossible, at least now, this morning.

No, I don't.

I don't think anything's

impossible.

I don't. Nothing.

And that's the only thing that stops us from waking

up in the morning and having our Wheaties...

and blowing our f***ing brains

out.

- That little bit of hope.

- I'm not going to argue with that.

- You what?

- I'm not going to argue with that.

Well, you don't have to. It's

true.

All right, Fred. I gotta go.

You can make some eggs or have a bath

in here before you leave, if you want.

And here's the...

the spare key here that you...

If you lock the door before you

go.

Wait, let me ask you something

before you go.

- Just... why?

- Why what?

Come here. Why? Why'd you do it

the first time?

- Do what?

- Put that note in my pocket.

- No. No.

- "Girl for sale. " Why?

No, Fred, I can't do this now.

I'm fried from this morning...

and I'm not doing this now. I

have to go now.

Yeah, okay, good. But you better call

the cops if you want me out of here.

I'm serious.

I will burn this f***ing brothel of yours

to the ground if you walk out right now.

Do you understand that, Velvet?

Whatever you say, Fred.

You've always had the card on this thing

of ours from the beginning anyway, so.

It's held, not had.

What?

When you're talking about cards.

I know you're gonna say the exact same

thing to the next f***ing idiot...

who walks in here with his pants

down around his ankles.

When you're talking about cards,

you say...

"held" not "had".

"You held all the cards. "

Okay, whatever the f*** it is, you've

always been the one holding or whatever.

No, that is complete and utter

crap.

Who was holding all the cards the day you

put that piece of stationary into my pocket?

"Let's meet in the city for a

chat. " A f***ing chat.

You had the nerve to call it

that, a f***ing "chat".

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Let

me ask you a question.

How many dads of how many undergrads

were you working on at the time?

I wanna ask this question.

I've never asked it...

...because I wanted to

maintain some sort of dignity.

A sense of dignity or a sense of self-esteem,

but tell me, how many got notes?

- Just wanna know. Just curious.

- You don't want to know that. Not really.

- No, I do.

- No, you don't.

I mean, surprisingly, I actually

do.

'Cause I feel like we're at the

end here of this.

And, I don't know, there's like

a moment of clarity for me.

So, how many were there? Just

round it off. Come on.

Six. Five or six, maybe.

Wow... as you kids are prone to

say.

Wow. That's a lot.

And how many takers?

Four... probably. About that.

Four? Jeez.

- What about the other two?

- Not a word.

I got a few hang-up calls, but, you

know, what are they gonna say?

Yeah, true, yeah.

So, is that how you, you know, pay for

tuition and books and everything like that?

- Is that how you did it?

- Pretty much.

And I got a trip to Europe one

summer, and Morocco, too.

And Morocco, she says. And

Morocco.

Wow. Bully for you.

It is what it is. I'm not exactly

beaming with pride over here.

Yes, but you're not exactly on your knees

begging for God's forgiveness are you?

- No, I guess not.

- No.

You're just comfortably right in

the middle, aren't you?

I'm not a murderer, Fred, if

that's what you're implying.

It was just something that I

did.

Yeah, no, that's fine. I mean, you

know, it was a game, right? A game.

And we're all adults and, you

know, just, you know?

You just had all these daddies trying

to get into your tight little pants.

It's a good racket. I gotta hand

it to you.

No, it wasn't a racket, Fred. It

was a job, an after school job.

Yeah? It was a job and you just

accidentally fell for me?

Out of all those other guys?

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