Something Beneath Page #2

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with the little dog, is that Mikaela Strovsky from the cover of

Vanity Fair last month? Yes, and interview

with Vogue, one notorious

layout in Hustler. Oh. Why creepy? You haven't had

a, you know, bad experience with

a priest, have you? God, no. I mean, no. They've all been

perfectly lovely. It's just,

I don't know. Priests, nuns, rabbis, they just make me

self-conscious, you know? Like, did I just take

the Lord's name in vain? Are my pants too tight? I'm gonna go break

the news to the chef. They're a little tight. I am way, way too cute

to be out in the wilderness on a stupid conference. Like, environmental

people are really ugly. Is she talking

to herself? And my room is

about this big, and there is no

spa at this hotel. Oh, ah, either that, or she's

having a philosophical debate with her laptop. I'm not sure

which is worse.

Neither am I. But if the dog

answers her back, that might be

pretty entertaining. Say my dinner date

bailed on me tonight. Any chance I can talk

you into joining me? Me? Mm-hmm.

[stammering]

Oh, I don't-- Oh, the food here

is that bad, huh? No, no, it's just that

I have so much to do before the rest

of the guests-- You're not gonna

make me go over there and talk to the dog,

are you? And nobody knows

how to dress. Like, come on. Sure, okay. Thank you. So, who stood you up? My keynote speaker,

and I am crushed. Oh, Eugene.

Mmm. Oh, he's probably

hiding under his bed. Now, don't judge

a book by its cover. He's a brilliant

young man. Eugene's mean green

machine kicks ass-- Environmentally speaking. So, let's go see

what she's doing. And my sheets have

a thread count of about zero!

[huffs] Anyways, everyone knows that

my father funds fifty percent of CPC's annual budget. When Daddy hears that they

snubbed me in favor of a geek, who couldn't even get elected

student body president, OMG, he's absolutely

gonna lose it! [fingers snapping] Waiter, menu now! [sighs]

Everybody's so slow here. She has a video blog,

of course, she does. Sometimes I wonder

about my calling. An all-knowing

and merciful god would never have

created celebutantes. Can you please,

um, get me a menu? And my table is dirty! You're not like any other

priest I've ever met. People keep

telling me that. I hope it's a compliment. It is.

Good. I'm-- I'm sorry.

May I? Oh, my-- my pendant.

Yes. [chuckling]

Sure. It was a gift

from my grandmother. Is she from around here? Yeah, yeah.

How did you know? Well, it's an

Anishinabe artifact. It's typical of the Ojibway

who are indigenous to the area. Wow! You know more

about it than I do. My grandmother was Ojibway. She died when I was young,

and this is all I have of her. Call it superstitious,

but I never take it off. Don't confuse spirituality

with superstition. The Ojibway have

a belief system

that connects all living things to aki-- the Earth. I'm afraid you're talking

to a confirmed agnostic. Really? Mm-hmm.

Well, technically, agnostic means you haven't

made up your mind, so I won't put you down

as a confirmed anything

just yet. Cheers. [glasses clinking] [wind blowing] Good morning. Good morning. I don't suppose you've

seen Eugene this morning,

have you? Not a hair. And I've been up for,

oh, way too long. Have you checked his room? Yeah, yeah,

there's nothing. The door was locked,

of course. It's just dinner last night and then I can't find him

anywhere today, it's just strange.

Yeah. I'll check with security. That'd be great.

[radio beeps] Aimee, can you have Jackson

Deadmarsh meet us at security? Deadmarsh. [bell dings] Jackson Deadmarsh? Well, there can't be

two Jack Deadmarshes. Did he used to be chief

of police in Eugene, Oregon? Yeah, yeah. We're lucky

to have someone with

his qualifications. Do you know him? Sort of. I sued him. The church's freedom

project filed suit on behalf of a young Native

American convicted of murder. The boy insisted

that Deadmarsh had fabricated

evidence against him. Well, that wasn't

on his resume. I'm not surprised. Anyway, it was dropped. Either Deadmarsh was clean,

or he hid his tracks well. What happened

to the convict? Jim Bailey?

He was executed. Ooh. These need to be secured,

so make a note. Jackson! Kaley. I was just saying to Tony

how these side entrances need to have

security locks, so only guests with

key cards can get in. What would we

do without you? You've met father

Douglas Middleton? I know him

by reputation. To what do we owe the

pleasure of this visit? My keynote speaker

is missing. No one's seen him

since last night. We were hoping you

had him on your radar. Eugene Herman, late 20's,

kind of awkward for his age. Yeah, propeller head,

the geek. Nope, I haven't

spotted him. Oh. Can you let us

into his room then? We just want to

make sure he's okay. He's asthmatic. This altitude

is hard for him. Not a problem. Not you, though. This is hotel business. But--

It's-- It's fine, Kaley. I'll go check the library. I've fallen asleep

in the stacks more than once myself. I'll catch up

with you later. Okay. Hey. So you two have history, there's no need to

be rude to a guest. Just doing my job the best way I know how. It's what I've always done. Of course. My job. The best way I know how. Okay. Tony, hold down

the fort, will you? Sure thing, boss. [door closes] [beeping] Mr. Herman? Hotel security. [banging] Eugene? [banging continues] There's someone

in there. Okay. It's-- It's broke. I'm fixing it, I swear. Deadmarsh, you

shoot my apprentice, and I'll make you

clean the crud out of the bathroom drains. Old habits die hard,

you know what I mean? Father Middleton is missing

one of his delegates. Have you see the

guy who stays here? Ain't seen no one no how. Well, did Eugene call

for maintenance himself? Maybe. Everyone and their

mother-in-law's been calling. Mikaela Strovsky's

got us on speed dial. There's some kind of

blockage in the drain system, and I can't find

it to save my life. Well, you keep

at it, Reggie. I have confidence

in you. But if you see him,

give us a call, all right? Sure thing, Kaley. Hank, I can use you in here.

[door closes] And take those damn things out

of your ears before you go deaf. [goo slithering] Look at this!

It's all over me. I can't wash Cleopatra.

I can't wash myself.

[dog whimpering] All that comes out

of the sink is goo. Goo and more goo! Yes, well there must be some

kind of a plumbing problem. You're the conference

coordinator. Shouldn't you be handling

these types of things? See, I don't actually...

work for the hotel.

All my nails are falling off. I'm a guest as you are,

and I'm not much of a plumber. But, you know what?

I will call maintenance for you. [dog barking]

Cleo! Wait! Oh, Mikaela, don't you think

you should get dressed first? Naughty boy. You were looking

at my ta-tas. I thought you

were a priest. I am a priest. I'm not a corpse. [chuckles] You're funny. Have you always

been so funny? My mother thinks so. You like Mikaela,

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