Something Borrowed Page #10

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They all clink glasses. Kat beams, until...

AMY:

(sour)

And to the cock in the hen house.

Nick kisses Kat on the cheek and smoothly departs. They all

watch him walk out. TJ is still watching the door, as if

Nick’s essence has lingered.

TJ:

I can’t believe you met him first.

It’s so depressing. Somebody buy

my wooha a drink.

Kat raises her drink to TJ’s nether region.

KAT:

To TJ’s lady business. And to Amy!

GUYS (O.S.)

To Ed!

INT. JEFFREY’S FLAT - SAME

A DOZEN MEN down their shots. Jeffrey immediately refills

their glasses with tequila. Alcohol and alpha abound. Nick

walks in the front door. He takes off his suit coat and

tries not to feel like the chaperone at a frat party.

Over by the bar, Jeffrey stands with Ed, eyeing Nick.

JEFFREY:

What’s his problem?

ED:

What?

JEFFREY:

There’s something about him that’s

just a bit odd.

ED:

Other than, he’s shagging your exgirlfriend?

JEFFREY:

No, that’s not it.

Jeffrey pours Ed another drink.

JEFFREY (CONT’D)

You are a tosser.

Jeffrey’s suddenly emotional.

JEFFREY (CONT’D)

Remember when we went hiking in the

lake district and Amy was wearing

that little bikini thing.

ED:

No.

JEFFREY:

It was before you started going

out. We had lunch at that inn on

the lake.

ED:

Oh, yes. Right. The Rat and

Parrot.

JEFFREY:

And Kat was fully clothed.

ED:

But, somehow, it was Kat’s arse

that was stung by nettles. And you

rubbed it with a dandelion leaf.

JEFFREY:

That’s when I realized I wanted to

be a doctor.

ED:

Oh, shut up. You’re an optician.

JEFFREY:

Lasik surgeon, actually.

Jeffrey takes a thoughtful sip of beer.

JEFFREY (CONT’D)

I didn’t deserve her back then.

ED:

And you do now?

Jeffrey looks genuinely pained, then something dawns on him.

JEFFREY:

Maybe I hate women.

Nick appears.

NICK:

All women or just the two-legged

ones who steal your money, screw

your friends, and vacuum during the

World Cup?

Jeffrey laughs. He has no idea Nick is making fun of him.

ED:

Jeff was just reminiscing about

your girlfriend’s backside.

Ed crosses away and Jeffrey glances nervously at Nick.

JEFFREY:

Look, the thing is. About that

love-of-my-life nonsense. I would

appreciate it if you didn’t say

anything to Kat. It was silly.

It’s all rather complicated.

Nick is about to respond when the music CRESCENDOS and a

STRIPPER strides in from the back room. Spotting Ed, Jeffrey

clothes-lines him and drags him off into a chorus of GUYH

OWLS and CHEERS.

INT. WOODY’S WATERING HOLE - LATER

The bachelorette-party girls CHEER as they down drink number

seven at bar number seven, an Australian outback-themed pub.

Things have gone way downhill -- or uphill -- depending on

how you look at it.

Kat sits at the bar. In the background, Amy dances drunkenly

with TJ. WOODY, the dorky, sexy Australian bartender,

appears behind the bar with a drink for Kat.

WOODY:

This one’s on the house.

Kat grabs his sleeve.

KAT:

I’m worried. Amy’s not good at

drinking. She gets sooo drunk sooo

fast. Does free alcohol get you

less drunk or more drunker?

(to herself)

Is it ‘drunker’ or ‘drunker-er’?

WOODY:

Just drunk enough.

Woody dumps out the free drink and exchanges it with a bottle

of water.

WOODY (CONT’D)

If you switch now, you might be

able to stand up for the ceremony.

Kat looks at him for the first time and realizes she knows

him.

KAT:

Woody?

Woody just smiles.

WOODY:

“Not yet...”

KAT:

“...but it’s getting there. “

Kat clumsily lunges across the bar to hug him, knocking over

a bottle of beer, which Woody deftly catches.

KAT (CONT’D)

I thought you were living in San

Francisco. Or was it Nepal?

WOODY:

Close. Sydney. Turns out, I

missed the rain.

They take each other in. Her smile is bleary.

KAT (CONT’D)

You look so much better.

Woody’s trying not to feel shy around Kat.

KAT (CONT’D)

Is this what you’re doing?

Bartending?

(beat)

Not that it’s not great. It’s

just, you used to have dreams and

plans.

Woody proudly points to Kat’s cocktail napkin. It says,

WOODY’S WATERING HOLE.

KAT (CONT’D)

Whoa! Good for you!

Woody’s weighing something. He decides to say it.

WOODY:

I always wondered what happened

with us.

KAT:

(taken aback)

I haven’t thought about that in

years.

Just then, Amy comes up behind Kat.

AMY:

Did Kat tell you she dumped you

because of your funky breath?

KAT:

Did Amy tell you she keeps her

Homecoming tiara by the bed?

To Kat’s annoyance, Amy laughs.

KAT (CONT’D)

She’s drunk. -er than me. But I

didn’t really dump you, did I?

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