Something New Page #4

some. All right, fire away.

Well, for one,

you're a lousy businessman.

You didn't ask

for an upfront payment.

And you've already put in too many

hours to make this job cost-effective.

Did it ever occur to you that I

was giving you special treatment?

I may not be the financial

wizard, like yourself...

but I have been running a small business,

successfully, for over six years.

Of course, if you feel the

urge to review my books...

then please, do me the favor.

I'll allow that.

Trust me,

you couldn't afford me.

So, I take it

you don't do white guys.

I just happen

to prefer black men.

It's not a prejudice,

it is a preference.

Sure. It's your preference

to be prejudiced.

What about you?

Women are women.

Some are poison,

some are sweet.

Ever date a black girl?

All kinds of girls.

So you're a player.

No.

I'm just...

Just a landscaper.

I take hard earth

and make things bloom.

Speaking of which,

it's late.

You need a hand with

this? No, thank you.

Well, thanks for dinner. You're welcome.

And I guess

I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.

I let the guys go early

for the holiday.

So, I'm gonna head off, too. Okay.

There's just one thing.

You're coming with me.

Why? Do we have something else

to buy for the yard?

No, we're going hiking.

Just a day trip,

nothing major.

Are you asking me out on a date?

I'm asking you to go hiking.

Well, then the answer is double

no. I don't even like hiking.

Heads or tails?

Who in their right mind would

go out in heat like this?

I mean, what is the point?

Don't look down, look up.

Look at the mountains.

I'm looking

for rattlesnakes.

Don't worry about rattlesnakes.

The mountain lions eat most of them.

Very funny.

Uh-oh.

Sh*t! My hair!

I'm gonna kill you! I swear,

I didn't see it coming.

Don't think this is going

any further, because it's not.

Good night.

Why'd they

name you Kenya?

I was born there.

My father was into world

healthcare for a few years.

My mother wanted

to name me Tiffany.

She hated East Africa. Couldn't

wait to get back to the States.

How come?

I don't know.

She's my mother.

There weren't enough places

to shop.

Also, I had really bad

asthma when I was little.

She didn't trust

the hospitals there.

Asthma?

So that's why

you hate bugs...

spiders...

and tall grass...

and hiking.

Yeah, I was

pretty sheltered.

Little Kenya stuck inside

while the other kids play.

Drawing her pictures...

and muttering

her equations.

You think I'm pathetic,

don't you? No, I don't.

I think you're adorable.

Just adorable.

Can I ask you

one more question?

Can you take this off?

What do you mean?

I mean,

it's not a wig, right?

But it's not your real

hair either, is it?

I can't believe you just asked me

that. I'm sorry. I'm just curious.

It is a weave,

if you must know.

I thought

you dated black girls.

They had real hair.

I have real hair, too.

Underneath?

Yes, underneath!

So, what? They just... They

sew it in? Something like that.

You know what?

I think you should leave.

This isn't gonna work. I

don't know what I was thinking.

It was a really, really

stupid mistake. Now please go.

What? 'Cause I asked about your

hair? Because of everything.

And furthermore,

effective today...

I will no longer be needing

your services as a landscaper.

Yeah, you're a piece

of work, Kenya McQueen.

Get out!

Sorry if I offended you.

I just... I was just wondering what

you'd look like completely naked.

You did what?

With who?

I know. But...

It was raining,

and we were hiking.

You were hiking? And we

just got carried away.

All right.

Well, can he bone?

Nedra!

What?

Don't be so crass!

Oh, please!

Well, can he?

See.

Well, yes.

Now you're talking, girl. He got a big

- Yes.

But it's over.

It's over.

It was a one time thing.

In fact, I fired him.

Kenya, you did what?

It was never gonna work.

Well, of course not, fool!

You don't have to marry

him! Marry him, honey.

All you are doing is just having-

Some good old-fashioned sex.

For once in your tired sappy

life. You need to let it flow.

Take it out.

Just getting

the rest of my stuff.

I knew it.

What?

You're gorgeous.

Don't worry

about the balance.

Wait.

Don't go.

I know

you're sensitive about color.

So we'll just take it slow.

No one has to know

if you don't want them to.

It'll just be

our little secret.

Don't move.

Yes. You can't tell me that white people

don't have a special thing for dogs.

Dog hotels, dog shrinks.

You know, you kiss them in the

mouth. You let them sleep with you.

I mean,

look at you and Max.

I mean, you have your own

language. "Skiddley-wags."

Skiddley-Max. It's

Skiddley-Max. Okay, sorry.

Okay? Sorry,

Max. It's okay.

Your neighbor, Lillian. And

Miss Selina? I mean, come on.

Every day that dog

has on a new dress.

I mean, I swear, she even

puts lipstick on that dog.

Miss Lillian doesn't count.

Yeah, well, I'm not buying that.

I'm just not gonna buy it.

Here, taste this.

Can you just do that

one more time?

Yeah. That's what

I'm talking about.

You've gotta take your time and

just appreciate certain things.

Like, ladies, look at all the

beautiful black men in here.

Just give all the black men

a round of applause in here.

I'm talking about

fine brothers up in here.

'Cause, you know why I'm

particularly fond of the black man?

Because society is

just so hard on the black man.

All they say is, "The black

man don't wanna work."

Then, when they do work, "They don't

wanna take care of their kids."

Then when have kids, "They don't

spend no quality time with them."

But when they bring that to

me, you know what I tell them?

Well, what about

the DC Sniper?

This man spent

quality time with his son.

Took him to work with him.

Taught him how to hunt.

You just can't judge a whole race

of men by one incident, you know.

I love my black brothers.

That's why I ain't never dated

outside of my race.

Never dated outside

of my race. Never.

Well, yes I did.

Yes, I did. Yes, I did.

I dated an African once.

Baby, he did it to me so good, I

woke up with my hair braided, baby.

It was bad.

But I ain't never dated

a white man before.

Not that I'm not

attracted to white men.

'Cause there's some

fine-looking white men in here.

But my only problem

with the white man is that...

y'all don't know

how to break up with a woman.

I watch The Crime Channel.

You date them, you come

up missing, don't you?

Everybody will be

looking for you.

You'll be chopped up, in the

freezer, in a sandwich bag...

with a "barbeque" sign

on your head.

Y'all, my name is Sommore.

Y'all have been great. Thank you.

Wow, we've been to New Orleans,

Charleston, the wine country.

You know where there is

good food, Walter will travel.

Yeah.

He's a true foodie.

And I've gained five pounds,

but I'm having a ball.

Hear ye! Hear ye!

Madam Judge here, would you'd

ever thought she'd fall...

for somebody with an apron?

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