Sons of the Desert

# And here's a hand, my trusty fiere

# And gie's a hand o' thine

# We'll tak' a cup o' kindness now

# For auld lang syne

Brothers, Sons of the Desert.

We are all familiar with the business of

this special meeting.

This oasis must meet the situation

with determination.

(SOMEONE KNOCKS ON DOOR)

Oooh!

Thank you.

I repeat. This oasis must face

the situation with determination.

Every man must be accounted for.

Every man must do his part.

There must be no weaklings in our midst.

We must put our very hearts and souls

into this great undertaking.

There must be no thought of failure.

We must stand shoulder to shoulder.

We must work, we must sacrifice.

The weak must be helped by the strong.

For gentlemen, this, the oldest lodge

in the Great Order of the Sons of the Desert

must be represented 100%

at our annual convention in Chicago next week.

We will now take the oath.

And remember:
once taken,

this oath has never been broken by any man,

down through the centuries of time,

in the history of this fraternal organisation.

If any member is doubtful of his strength

to keep this solemn pledge,

he will please be seated.

(PEOPLE START TO MURMUR)

Get up!

- I don't want to...

- Shh!

Place yourself in position to receive the oath.

Do you all swear to be present

at our 87th annual convention in Chicago?

(ALL):
I do!

Me, too.

Wholeheartedly unanimous.

# We are the Sons of the Desert

# Having the time of our lives

# Marching along 10,000 strong

# Ta ta, my sweetheart and wife,

God bless them

# Tramp, tramp, tramp

the boys are marching

# As a unit melody

(ALL HUM)

# The Sons of the Desert are we.

- Why didn't you want to take the oath?

- I was afraid.

Afraid of what?

I was afraid that if I took the oath to go to the

convention, maybe my wife wouldn't let me go.

Of course she'll let you go.

Why, she'll have to let you go.

- You took an oath!

- I know. That's what I'm worrying about.

The Exhausted Ruler said that if you took an oath,

it would have to be broken for generations

of centuries of hundreds of years.

- My wife wouldn't...

- Do you have to ask your wife everything?

If I didn't ask her,

I wouldn't know what she wanted me to do.

- Hm!

- I didn't want...

I never realised that

such a deplorable condition existed in your home.

Why don't you pattern your life after mine?

I go places and do things and then tell my wife.

Every man should be the king in his own castle!

(CAR STOPS OUTSIDE)

(PEOPLE GET OUT OF THE CAR)

(CAR DRIVES OFF)

Now, buck up. Go in

and tell her that you're going to the convention.

Be a man. I'll see you in the morning.

- Good night.

- (HARDY):
Good night.

- Ollie, dear.

- Yes, sugar?

- Is Stanley with you?

- He just went in the house.

You'd better tell him that Betty went

duck-hunting and won't get back until late.

Alrighty.

- (BETTY):
Oliver?

- Yes, baby?

Please close the door.

There's an awful draught in here.

(OLIVER RINGS THE DOORBELL)

What do you want?

How did you get in there?

I was looking for Betty

and came in the back way. I thought...

Betty has gone duck-hunting

and won't be home until late.

- Oh. Well, good night.

- Good night.

(OLIVER RINGS THE DOORBELL)

What?

Do you realise that you have locked me out?

Why don't you ring the bell?

She'll let you in.

(STANLEY RINGS THE DOORBELL)

Don't get nervous. She'll be here in a minute.

Where do you think I live?

(STANLEY RINGS THE DOORBELL)

What do you think this is? Halloween?

Come in here, you bad boy.

Come on!

(STANLEY RINGS THE DOORBELL)

(STANLEY RINGS THE DOORBELL)

- What do you want?

- I've locked myself out.

- Oh, sugar?

- Yes?

Do you mind if Stanley

stays with us until Betty comes home?

- He's locked out.

- Oh, alright.

(OLIVER HUMS TO HIMSELF)

(OLIVER HUMS TO HIMSELF)

What are you eating?

- An apple.

- Where did you get it?

- In there.

- Why, that's not real fruit! It's imitation!

It's made of wax!

What has he been doing now?

He's been eating that phoney fruit.

Oh, so that'swhere it's been going!

That's the third apple I've missed this week!

- What's new, sugar?

- Oh, nothing much. What's new with you?

- Oh, nothing to speak of.

- Yes, there is.

You didn't tell her about going to the convention.

What convention?

That's right. I'm glad you reminded me.

The Sons of the Desert are giving

their annual convention in Chicago next week

and Stan and I are going.

- Oh, you are?

- We thought that the trip would do us good.

Besides being good for us in a business way.

You see, we'll meet new friends

and... see a lot of new faces

and the change of climate will be good for us

in a good many ways.

And besides, all work and no play

makes Jack a dull boy.

Jack who?

I hope you have a nice time, dear.

- Thank you, sugar.

- Ha, Ha!

- What's that for?

- Just this:
you are not going.

- What do you mean I'm not going?

- Just that!

You're not going to the convention.

You're going to the mountains with me.

But he can't go to the mountains.

He took an oath.

- The Exhausted Ruler said that...

- Now, listen, dodo! You keep out of this!

Wait a minute, sugar.

There's no use getting excited.

You're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Certainly, life isn't short enough.

- Are you going?

- Huh?

- I said, ''Are you going?''

- Yes, sugar... Mrs Hardy.

- Who said so?

- Him.

Oh... Well, you can do as you please,

but you're going to the mountains with me!

Now, wait a minute! You listen to this.

I want this understood once and for all!

I'm not going to the convention,

I'm going to the mountains.

That's just what I said: that

you're not going to the mountains,

that you're going to the...

that you're going to the mountains!

- Why don't you compromise?

- What do you mean, ''compromise''?

- He means...

- Shut up!

If you think you're gallivanting off

with a lot of hoodlums,

to any convention whenever you want to...

Not for a minute, you're not!

Here I am, slaving day after day,

washing and ironing 'til my fingers bleed.

- Do you appreciate it? Do you?

- Well, you don't...

Oh, shut up! Don't talk back to me!

Just because I'm an unselfish, what does it

get me? Working for you and your interests!

I've planned a vacation for you

in the mountains, at a nice resort

where they play bridge

and have lectures on art.

I fight crowds in department stores,

dying of the heat,

killing myself trying to get

a nice mountain outfit together! Why? Why?!

- Why?

- You keep out of this!

I'll tell you why.

So you won't be ashamed of me.

And do you appreciate it? Do you? Ha, ha!

You want to run off to the convention.

Convention! You'll go to the convention

over my dead body.

I'll put you in jail first. And you, too!

With the rest of the Sons of the...

oh, the Sons of the Desert!

(PIPE MAKES DUCK-LIKE NOISE)

Ooohh!

Oh...

- What do you think?

- Oh, don't pay any attention to her.

She's only clowning. She'll snap out of it.

Ohh!

- Are you going to stand for that?

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