Sons of the Desert Page #2

- You're darned right I won't stand for it.

I'm the boss in this house, and when I say

I'm going to the convention, I'm going...

- Oh, Lottie!

- Hello, Betty. Come on in.

- I didn't have very good luck. Here's a couple.

- Thanks, Betty.

- What's the matter, Lottie? You look worried.

- I just had a run-in with my barnacle.

- Stanley's in there, too.

- Oh...

And furthermore, you're making a big mistake.

What do you mean?

If you're not careful she'll get

the upper hand of you, mark my words.

The upper hand of me? Hm, impossible!

Alright, have it your own way.

I may not be king of my castle, but I certainly

wouldn't allow my wife to wear any pants.

I'd like to see my old woman

throwing things around.

It's disgraceful.

I never heard of such goings-off... on.

If my ball and chain ever talked to me...

If she even dared to raise her...

- Do you know what I would say?

- What?

I'd say... Hello, honey.

I...

Well, you think it over.

I'll see you in the morning.

Ooohh, ooohh...

There, now. There. That's better.

I wonder what could be the matter with me.

It looks to me like a severe nervous breakdown.

You've gone all to pieces!

And it happened so suddenly.

Probably that terrible argument

we had the other night caused it all.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

- Where's Stanley?

- He's gone out.

Where did he go?

He didn't want me to tell you,

but he's awfully worried about you

and he thought you ought to have a doctor.

Why did you let him do that?

You know I don't like doctors.

Now, now. Don't get all upset.

I know what's good for you.

You're going to have a doctor,

and you're going to do just what the doctor says.

Alright, sweetheart. You always know what's best.

Uuhh! Uuhh!

Listen, darling. I'll get you some aspirin.

Oh, and I'll get you some more hot water.

(DOOR IS CLOSED)

(WHISPERING)

Hey.

- Did you get the doctor?

- He'll be here in a few minutes.

Good. Did you fix it with him to tell me

that I have to go to Honolulu for my nerves?

- Our plan is working out great.

- It sure is. I've got it all fixed.

But why do you want to go to Honolulu?

Don't you understand

that this is only a subterfuge?

To throw the wives off the track

so that we can go to the convention.

Oh, then you're not going to the mountains?

Of course not.

We're supposed to go there

so that the wives will think that we...

(BOTH START MOANING)

Not you!

- Stan, did you get a doctor?

- Yes, ma'am. The best in town.

Oh, fine. Here, darling. Here's your aspirin.

Now, take your feet out.

There. Now try that.

Aaargh!

Oh, you poor dear! I'll get you some cold water.

- What are you doing?

- I've lost the aspirin. Can you move over a bit?

Move over a bit more, I can't find it.

Aargh!

Up, out you go!

Oh, you poor thing! Oh, my goodness!

- Oh, you poor darling.

- Get that thing out of there!

Come here, dear. Sit down there.

Why... Aargh!

Get me out of here!

(OLIVER):
Oh, my boiled little sugar bunny!

I'm so sorry, darling. I'm so sorry.

Ooh!

Get that thing out of here!

Oh, I'm so sorry, darling.

- Oh, darling. You sit down.

- Alright.

I think I'd better go and get some dry clothes on.

Will you get out of my way?

(CRASHING NOISE)

You wax-eater!

(OLIVER SCREAMS WITH PAIN)

Oh...

You're perspiring. Maybe you have got a fever.

I do feel hot.

You'd better take my temperature.

Get that thermometer.

- The what?

- Thermometer. You'll find it on the shelf.

Oh...

What does it say?

''Wet and windy.''

That's a barometer!

(DOGS BARKING)

Why did you get a veterinarian?

I didn't think his religion

would make any difference.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

This way, Doctor.

(OLIVER STARTS MOANING)

- This is Mr Hardy.

- Hello, Doctor.

Doctor, I'm so glad you're here.

My husband's been suffering terribly.

What seems to be the trouble?

I think he's suffering from a nervous shakedown.

Oh.

O-ho...

Aha...

Aha...

My, my, my...

- What is it, Doctor?

- It looks like a bad case of canis deliris.

- As bad as that?

- Even worse.

It might be double canis deliris.

(OLIVER MOANS)

- If it's that bad, you should give him something.

- Oh, Doctor! You must give him something.

Now there, darling, you be quiet.

Oh, my poor little lambkin.

He's going to be alright. Yes, he is.

(OLIVER MOANS LOUDER)

Sit up, sit up.

Open up your mouth.

There, darling. Everything is going to be alright.

- Do you think I'd better put him to bed?

- No, no.

What he really needs is a long ocean voyage

with plenty of tropical air and sun.

I suggest a trip to... a trip to...

..Honolulu.

But Doctor, wouldn't the mountains do as well?

I'm a very bad sailor and I can't stand the water.

No. I'm sorry, Mrs Hardy.

A voyage to Honolulu

is the only cure for your husband.

(OLIVER MOANS)

I won't go to Honolulu.

If you can't go, sugar,

I'lljust stay at home and suffer.

You'll do nothing of the kind.

If the doctor says you must go to Honolulu,

you'll do just as the doctor says.

But I can't go to Honolulu alone.

I've got to have someone to take care of me.

Maybe Stanley will be kind enough to go with you.

Well, I never thought of that.

Will you go, Stanley?

- Where?

- To Honolulu!

- I can't go to Honolulu.

- Why?

I'm going to the convention.

What do you mean you're going to the convention?

I forgot to tell you.

I asked Betty and she said that I could go.

That settles it. I'm not going to Honolulu.

Oh, yes, you are. You're going to Honolulu

if you have to go alone!

If I have to go to Honolulu alone,

he's going with me!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Hey! Kitty, kitty, kitty!

Boo, boo, boo, boo!

Hey! Isn't she a ''Dob''?

- Texas 97!

- Texas 93!

- (MAN IN FEZ 1): New York 43!

- (MAN IN FEZ 2): Washington 27!

Texas 97!

Hey! Oh, no, no, no...

That's still going to go on the floor.

- Well, well, well... California, eh?

- 19.

Hey, I bet you don't grow flowers there

that smell like this.

That's a ''Dob'', isn't it, boy?

Can you take it?

Say, boys, come on!

Come over to my table and have a drink.

Oh boy, oh boy! Right, sit down.

Sit down!

Hey, waiter! A bottle of champagne!

Oh, boy! Ha, ha, ha!

Have a cigarette.

Have a cigarette.

You guys are killing me!

Great gag, huh? Great gag.

# Down on a South Sea island

# Underneath the beauty of the stars

# I strayed upon some maidens

who were strumming on their guitars

# A hula maid was dancing

and I knew I'd found my paradise

# So this is what I told her

as I gazed into her eyes

# Honolulu Baby

where did you get those eyes

# And the dark complexion

I just idolise?

# Honolulu baby

where did you get that style

# And those pretty red lips

and that sunny smile?

# When you start to dance

your hula hooping dance

# Then you shake it up and down

# You shake a little here

you shake a little there

# When you've got the boys going to town

# Honolulu Baby

you know your stuff

# Honolulu Baby

gonna call your bluff

# Di, di, di...

You see? We're killing two birds with one stone.

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