SOS: Save Our Skins Page #6

Why are you -

Must be the ice cream!

Ice cream doesn't

make you sick, does it?

You took it from the freezer, right?

Of course I did!

There's been power out.

It would have melted and refrozen.

It must have gone off!

I'm going to pack up the car

and then we are going.

We always have to do what you say.

You always make things worse!

I make things worse?!

I'm the only one

trying to get us home!

No, you're always

telling me what to do!

I have to, Ben.

You never do anything!

You never help me find supplies,

you never help me fix anything,

you never help me work out

what the hell is going on!

- What?!

- You know what you are?

You're a lazy, selfish idiot.

I need to get to that beacon!

I am not lazy,

lam not selfish, and I'm not an idiot!

I'm not going to that stupid beacon,

and neither is Killie!

Neither is Killie!

Killie?

Killie doesn't care about any of this!

She doesn't care about us, either.

She might not care about you,

but she certainly cares about me.

Sure. Don't tell me -

you're in love with her!

Well, I will tell you...

lam in love with her.

You're in love with her?

Yes.

You're in love with a psychopath?

She's not a psychopath!

- Why are you being like this?

- I've never had a girlfriend!

Okay...

Have it your way.

Stay here, get cozy,

and watch DVDs.

But when the power goes out

and sh*t starts

coming out of the taps,

you'll regret it.

Are you finished?

Yes.

Then get out of my house!

Have fun.

Ratatouille!

I bet you're glad

you only had the cabbage, Killie.

U I q

U I q

Popcorn cake, Killie?

Pop scorn cake!

I came up with this recipe in a dream.

When I woke up, I thought,

"imagine baking a cake

that's got popcorn in it!"

I can't bake, so instead,

I just pressed a lot of

popcorn into a cake -

and it works exactly the same.

Whatcha watchin' now?

- They've got loads of boxed sets.

- Lost!

I'm not sure about Lost.

There's loads of episodes

where nothing really happens.

I guess we could give it a go...

Not that again!

That's where Stephen's gone.

- Stupid idiot...

- Lost!

Yeah, he will get lost!

You know what?

I don't miss him at all.

I really don't.

I haven't thought about him

once since he left.

Stupid Stephen...

I mean, why would he

want to leave all of this?

We've got loads of food,

loads of DVDs,

and we can have a bath

whenever we want!

- Do you want another bath, Killie?

- Lots!

Yeah, let's have lots of baths!

Oh, cake!

So typical...

I have to find this tower,

I have to work out what's happening,

and he sits around on his fat ass.

What the hell is this place?

God!

I love this bathroom.

It's like they never

run out of fresh towels!

Bubbles!

Don't you worry, Killie.

I'll make sure there's

plenty of bubbles...

You know what?

I think you and I are going to

be happy here for the rest of our lives.

Pop scorns cake!

Oh, balls...

Coffee?

No, I've gone off coffee recently.

So, you say you're an alien...

I am a Galactic Guardian.

We are a race of people

from very far away.

I suppose you could

call me an alien,

although I find that term

a bit offensive.

But an actual alien?

From space?

What? You expect me to be

buried under the ground

like in your War of the Worlds?

No, that's ridiculous.

I've always said -

The War of the Worlds?

Metal detectors!

They'd be discovered right away.

See, this car is so much cooler

than the one Stephen has.

I can get used to stealing cars.

Check out the radio!

Well, if there were something

actually on the radio,

it would be great!

Lost!

No, we can't watch Lost

right now, Killie...

We kind of have to find Stephen.

- Lost!

- No, Killie, we can't watch Lost!

We had to leave that house.

There was sh*t

coming out of the taps.

- Lost!

- No, no more DVDs for a bit.

We have to find Stephen

and his stupid tower.

L-low hard can it be

to find a tower?

I mean, that's the

purpose of towers!

They're supposed to

tower over everything.

- Lost!

- Yes, alright, I admit we're lost.

So... where is everybody?

The entire human race

has been placed in a spaceship

orbiting the earth.

Right...

Cookie?

Again, I've gone off those recently.

Hey, that's Stephen's car!

That's not Stephen...

That's not Stephen at all!

Hey, that's my friend's car!

Where is he?

Stay right where you are!

Whoa, whoa, whoa...

That is a cool gun.

What's with your funny voice?

Oh, I'm English.

Nice to meet you.

No, no, no!

Don't take another step!

For all I know,

you could be infected.

Infected? No way!

We just had three baths.

You could be infected

and not know it.

You could be turnin'

into a zombie in no time!

Zombies?

You really don't know

your monsters very well, do you?

I know my zombies all right...

Zombies sound funny.

I told you I'm English!

What's up with you?

Kill!

Your planet is

facing a catastrophic event.

We urgently had to suck

all of the human race off Earth

and out of harm's way.

So why haven't I been...

sucked off?

Our technology

didn't quite have the power

to beam everyone up in one go.

I'm here to find any stragglers.

So we're like the bits of dirt

left behind after you

hoover a carpet?

Exactly.

We began by rescuing the humans

we thought to be

the most important.

We left behind the people

we considered to be dangerous,

or, um - how can I put this?

Stupid.

What, me and Ben?

But since then I've been

observing the planet

and I've come to the conclusion

that you and your fat friend

also deserve to be saved.

Seriously - you're an alien?

Prove it.

Fair enough.

Kill!

Nothing's wrong, Killie.

We're fine. Just relax.

Well, she doesn't look fine...

In fact, she kind of

looks like a zombie.

I told you already,

we are not zombies.

We just watch DVDs -

zombies don't watch DVDs.

Don't move!

Kill!

This coffee's quite nice.

I must take some back with me.

If you've come to rescue us,

why make us come here?

Why not just suck us up again?

Our sucking machine

is low on power.

I have to manually beam you up

from a specific point.

It's a pain in the ass,

to be honest.

But you could have just said,

"Come here."

You didn't have to

make that weird video.

The video is subliminal.

It gives instruction

without you having to think.

I'm rather proud of it, actually -

although it would have

been better with some music.

What about the blue monster?

Is that some galactic race

you've been battling for centuries?

The blue monsters

- No, Stephanie...

- Uh, Stephen.

They're nothing to worry about.

- They just like to chase things.

- No, they do more than that.

Honestly, they're harmless.

Besides, you've got bigger

things to be worrying about.

We must beam up to the ship

before the disaster strikes!

The disaster being...

Why, the asteroid, of course.

A giant asteroid is going

to strike planet Earth

and destroy all life upon it.

Kill!

Please don't shoot us!

I see you're Canadian -

do you like hockey? I like hockey!

And I like maple syrup, and...

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