Soul Men Page #2

about Marcus' passing, yeah?

Oh, yeah. I'm crying the tears

of a motherfucking clown.

Okay. Here's the thing.

VH1 is putting together

a farewell tribute at the Apollo,

and they got a lot of big names lined up.

And they want Henderson and Hinds

to perform, right?

That's right! The Real Deal

back together again.

It's a great opportunity.

You talk to Floyd?

I did.

Mr. Henderson is in.

Good.

Then I'm out.

# Born under a bad sign #

# Been down since I began to crawl #

# If it wasn't for bad luck #

# You know I wouldn't have

no luck at all #

# Hard luck and trouble... #

That is disgusting.

Ooh!

I don't believe this. Hmm.

Hey!

Uhh!

Ohh. Damn!

Ooh. F*** happened, man?

Hell if I know. I came in,

found your ass laying there.

Bullshit.

You looked me dead in my eyes.

Man, you recognized me.

I didn't recognize you.

You done changed.

I come all the way down here,

and, man, you gonna

look me in my face

- and knock me the f*** out?

- Should've called first.

How the hell I'm gonna call

and you ain't got no phone?

What kind of person

ain't got no land phone?

Kind of person don't want to get no calls.

You don't even know

why I came down

to this old f***ed-up-the-ass

neighborhood.

I talked to little Ep.

I know why you're here.

And the answer is no.

Did he tell you we're at the Apollo

and they sold out?

Did he also tell you

who gonna be there?

Booker T. Jones. Isaac Hayes.

Bootsy Collins.

Shakira.

I don't care.

Do it for Marcus.

F*** Marcus.

Well, do it for me.

- F*** you!

- Come on, man.

- This is our shot.

- At what?

At a comeback, fool.

If we do this sh*t right,

we can get a record deal

and get back on the road

like we was 30 years ago.

I ain't trying to be like 30 years ago!

I ain't trying to make no comeback.

I'm gone, and I want to stay gone.

Don't make me beg you, man.

Lao-Tzu says, "Free from desire,

"you realize the mystery.

"Caught in desire,

you see only the manifestations. "

What the f***

that even mean, man?

That means...

get the f*** out.

Well, I guess you don't give a f***

about the money, then, huh?

What money? It's a funeral!

Nobody get paid to sing

at no damn funeral!

How much?

40 grand.

Apiece?

No, down the middle.

No, no, no, no, no,

No, no, no, no!

That ain't even enough.

What the f*** you mean

that's not enough, man?

I got a lifestyle to maintain here.

What kind of lifestyle, man,

you filthy motherf***er?

You got a pantry full of dog food.

I don't see no dog.

Dog under the bed,

n*gger! You lucky

he ain't attacked your ass

when you came in.

You're the dog, motherf***er!

Look, man, what happened to all

that f***ing money you done saved, man?

Saved? Sh*t.

I don't remember sh*t from Watergate

to when the space shuttle blew up.

Hmm. Money I saved.

Okay, what about the royalties?

I used to get

over $30,000 a year off that sh*t.

I lost my royalties in a poker game.

All right?

- Poker?

- Listen here, man.

If you serious about un-assing me

from my lavish surroundings here,

man, you gonna have to be

a little more flexible

in your thinking. Say, oh...

60/40.

Man, you must be higher

than a motherf***er.

We always split sh*t

straight down the middle.

Ain't gonna be nothing to split

if I don't show up, now, is there?

And I ain't showing up

unless I get 60/% of the proceeds.

You rich anyway, motherf***er.

I seen your little car wash

commercials on the TV.

I transferred all my business affairs

over to my nephew.

- I'm on a fixed income, man.

- So what?

So your drawers!

That's why that 20 damn

thousand dollars

- look good to me right now.

- 16!

That's your cut of a 60/40 split.

And those are my terms.

And they're non-negotiable.

55/45.

Fatherfuck you, man.

You're gonna tell me 60/40.

You don't dictate to me!

I'm Floyd motherfucking Henderson.

You and Marc, I made you

and that motherf***er!

You can't sing, hum,

or motherfucking skip.

Ain't that a b*tch?

Skip on these motherfucking nuts!

You and Marcus, may you rest in sh*t.

Motherf***er.

I'm Floyd f***ing Henderson,

you Apostle-faced motherf***er!

This motherf***er slams this door

in my face one more time...

I'm tired of this motherf***er!

Always had a problem with this b*tch.

He ain't nothing. He's ignorant!

Motherf***er's just a idiot.

Chihuahua-head motherf***er, man,

sitting up there,

always want to tell

somebody what to damn do.

He gonna sit there and talk the fool?

Ooh, my blood pressure's

high, motherf***er.

Huh!

Don't let this motherf***er

get you like this.

Huhh!

What!

Stay!

First of all, I clearly want

to state this for the record.

And I find this arrangement we got,

man, despicable.

But I'm Floyd Henderson.

I'm a trouper.

And you know I'd do

any doggone thing, man,

to see this group get back on its feet,

'cause you know

that's the type of motherf***er I am.

But in the meantime,

I'm going back

to my $600-a-night hotel room,

and I'm gonna have me

a nice hot bubble bath

to wash some of this

filth and dirt and grime

from this black

f***ing hole you live in.

Then I'm having me

a nice, juicy-ass steak, oh, yeah,

the size of your

motherfucking back.

Then I'm gonna take me

a sh*t shower and shave.

And I'll be here at 6 a. m.

To take you to the motherfucking

airport.

You got me? I don't fly.

And I get up at 8.

My cousin out the penitentiary,

I'm gonna have him kill

this motherf***er!

Man talk to me like

I'm a motherfucking kid.

I ain't no motherfucking kid.

Every time we... we start on the road,

he starts in saying the same sh*t.

Hey! Who's got my lunch?

Who are you?

I'm Phillip Newman, sir,

the new intern. You hired me,

like, 20 minutes ago.

Chuckles Newman's my uncle.

- He's the one that told you...

- Stop talking.

Very good. I already got a job for you.

Okay? Bing, bang, boom.

Look at that.

Yeah. Henderson and Hinds,

Marcus' old backup singers,

are being real d*ckheads

about this tribute thing...

Oh, my God! Henderson and Hinds!

The Real Deal.

They're the only band

that got to play three songs

on a sing episode of Soul Train.

Don Cornelius was there as a witness,

and I got it on VHS.

They don't do that here. All right?

- Yes, sir.

- This is a record label,

not a fan club.

I want those two old fucks

there on Saturday,

and I want you to make that happen.

Got it?

The Real Deal is back,

and they not gonna stop us now.

Uh-huh.

Ohh! Sh*t.

Ohh...

What the f*** is that, man?

This is a gun.

I never travel through Klan country

without one.

- You got a problem with that, pops?

- Yeah,

I got a problem with that, man.

The last time I saw that gun,

you were pointing at me,

and you were shooting it.

Listen here, Floyd.

We ain't two old friends

out for some Sunday drive

down Memory Lane. All right?

Fact is, I can hardly stand

the sight of your ass,

so you best not to provoke me.

Or what's gonna happen?

There's a lot of empty road

between here and where we trying to go.

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