Soul Plane Page #7

Lil' John back there. | Shake it like a salt shaker!

Can I get a glass of Hypno | with some ice, please?

- Coming right up. | - What you doin' by yourself?

- Go have a good time. | - No, thanks.

- You okay? | - No.

So what's goin' on?

My son Billy--he doesn't | want to be anything like me.

He says I got no flavor.

My daughter Heather-- | she's growin' up so fast.

It seems like yesterday | I was teachin' her to ride a bike.

Now she's out there...

Hey, what is tea-bagging?

That's the sh*t!

That's where you take your balls | and dip 'em in a freak mouth.

you keep goin' | up and down like...

- Then you dip, right. | - I got it. Thank you.

I got a little carried away.

Gettin' back on the subject-- | you raise your kids right,

eventually they gonna | wanna move on

and find they own path.

You're probably right. | You're a lucky man, Nashawn.

I wouldn't say that.

It took me gettin' everything | I ever wanted

to realize I lost | the best thing I ever had.

What was her name?

- Giselle. | - That's a beautiful name.

Bet she's beautiful.

Very. Very!

Still love her?

Course I do.

Then go do somethin' | about it.

Listen, when I met | my Barbara.

I knew that moment I'd move | heaven and earth to be with her.

I knew that she was worth it.

So you happy now?

Not really.

Last time I saw her, | she was with this tall model type.

A real handsome black guy?

Yeah.

Sittin' in low class?

Yeah.

Got a dick like a fire hose?

Yeah.

Yeah, you lost her.

- Can he get another one? | - Double.

Have you talked to her?

She can't talk. | She must have vocal cord damage.

I can believe it.

Man, if my baby mama page me | one more time, I swear to God...

What she want?

This motherfuckin' b*tch wants | some more child support money

'cause she heard I got this job.

I can't believe these hos | nowadays.

She extortin' you? | That's messed up, man.

But you know what?

If I crash this motherf***er | into a mountain right now,

the b*tch can't get | sh*t from me.

Watch this.

Oh, sh*t!

Sh*t, my nigga! | Oh, sh*t! Hold on, cuz!

- Oh, sh*t! | - Here we go.

That sh*t was funny as hell.

I know they trippin' | off this sh*t in the back.

You f***in' high, dawg. | You startin' to scare me now.

Here ya go.

I'm gonna bounce before | Gay-dude and Riggs come back.

All right, my nigga.

I'm put this b*tch on autopilot | so I can enjoy myself.

Captain Mack need to kick back

and enjoy this | motherfuckin' situation.

Oh, sh*t. | Last mushroom.

Might as well go on | and take this to the head.

Dry-ass mushroom, | African motherf***er.

Here you are, sir.

Oh, hey, that's my dad. | I need to talk to him.

Hi, Daddy.

Happy birthday, Heather.

You mad at me?

No, Actually, I'm just glad to hear | you call me daddy for a change,

It's been a while,

Usually it's shithead or a**hole | or something,

I'm sorry. It's just | I hate that you're with Boobra.

Barbara... and I | are not together anymore.

I'm still upset that | you and Mom aren't together.

I'm sorry about that, honey.

But your mom's | with Dorothy now.

I'd like to be with your mom.

Hell, I'd love to be | with your mom and Dorothy.

But that's not important.

What's important is that you know | that I'm your dad,

and whether you're 18 or 48 or 88, | I'm gonna still protect you

because I love you.

I love you, too, Daddy.

I'll always be your little girl.

Right.

I will.

What about | all that stuff tonight?

Oh, don't worry. | I didn't do anything.

Really?

I was just saying stuff | to get you mad.

I don't even know | what half that stuff is.

What's tea-bagging anyway?

That's when you | get down on top...

Dad!

Apparently, it's the sh*t. | Come here.

So can I have | another blow job?

It's a drink.

It's cool.

Look, baby. I'm sorry, | and I wants to make it up to you.

Don't get it started because you | know you're not gonna finish.

Why you bringin' up old sh*t? | Let me see them tits!

Okay, okay! What's the plan?

Hold on one second. | I'm fixin' to be right back.

Good evening, Cap. | Is it cool if I come in?

This is tight up in here, dawg.

I'm not gonna | beat around the bush, man.

I'll get straight to the point.

Me and my girl--we overly ambitious | members of the mile-high club.

I was wondering if you would | let us come in here,

and, we could, like, do it.

All right, cool.

I'm fixin' to get her.

You probably gonna see | her titties and everything, man.

I'll be right back, dawg.

Hey, this is my girl.

Hi, Captain.

I know you got stuff to do,

so we just gonna | do our thing, man.

Yeah, it's cool.

Okay, okay.

No, no. | Ain't that my game.

Ooh, yeah. | I like the way you doin' that.

Ooh, work it, daddy.

I'm tryin', but it's like | a sauna down here,

It's like a fire,,,

- How's that? | - Oh, it's good, daddy.

You the king.

Tastes like chocolate puddin'.

Gots to have you right now.

- Got to have you right now, girl! | - Nasty fool!

Oh, sh*t. That nigga dead! | He dead!

Get your ass off me!

He's dead! This nigga's dead!

This nigga's dead!

The captain is dead!

Pork chop grease.

I'll take care of it. | The captain's dead!

That's our motto: | we fly, we party, we land.

That's what we tryin' | to do, man.

Nashawn, we gotta talk.

I want to talk to you, too.

The captain is dead.

Dead?

Wait a minute. | Are we talkin' Tupac dead.

Iike maybe he is | or maybe he isn't,

or Wilt Chamberlain dead, like | he ain't checkin' back in the game?

Dead like he can't | fly this plane, dead.

People are freakin' out.

It's Muggsy | hirin' these prison pilots.

You know what. | That's what we got a copilot for.

All we gotta do is find Gaeman, | because I hired him.

He's a professional, | and we should be cool.

Yes, counterclockwise. | Move your ass, baby.

Don't forget to squeeze | my nipple like a cow.

Would you like to see | my African walking stick?

Hey, hey, Gaeman.

Oh, my God. Move over! | How are you, sir?

I was taking a bath, I was dirty. | You are clean now, ladies.

I got an emergency, | I need you to fly the plane.

The plane?

Yeah.

- Me? Fly the plane? | - Yes.

Oh, my God! | I get to fly.

They will have a parade!

Go, Gaeman! | Move out the way!

Move, you b*tches! | I have to fly the plane.

What's wrong with you?

Oh, sh*t!

He fell hard.

Gaeman!

God damn!

What the hell am l | supposed to do now?

You're gonna find some way | to land this plane.

Meet me in the cockpit, okay?

- Meet you? | - In the cockpit.

I got one more left.

Here you go. You gotta pull | one of these damn cords.

I don't want this sh*t, man.

I'm responsible | for these people.

I gotta try something.

F*** them. | What are you, sick?

I know you, all right? | You can't even ride a bike.

How do you expect | to land this thing?

It don't even--

It don't even matter.

I'm not runnin' out | like I always do.

I'm gonna face this sh*t. | If you wanna go, go.

If you goin', go. | You gotta pull this one.

Hey, don't be grabbin' my cord.

You gonna make my chute | ejaculate prematurely,

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