Soupe Aux Choux, La Page #5

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No, you're right, Glaude!

I did "arrange" La Francine while you were away...

How did you do it?

Well... like everybody else...

I'm not asking for details! How did it happen?

Well... we were bored...

I... was bored...it was winter, you weren't there...

I used to chop her wood... she'd bring me a bowl of soup...

we'd chat a little... we weren't old...it just happened...

But we felt guilty, Le Glaude...

And you did it again?

Oh... as often as we could!

But wracked all over by guilt...

Ahh... you ruined so many nights for us...

Excuuuuse me!!!

Shoot me, Le Glaude!

Shoot me! I don't deserve your forgiveness!

Shoot me, or I'll hang myself for real!

And I won't bungle it this time!

Shoot me! I'm just a piece of garbage...

a lump of dogshit...

You can't be a cuckold 40 years after the fact!

How about a "canon"...?

Let's drink a "canon"!

Anyway... my Glaude...

I have to tell you something...

I only had one woman, and she was yours...

I'm going away, my Glaude, but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you...

You're going away?

To Paris.

To Paris? You're crazy!

It's the only place we'll find work, with Robert...

Do you know at least if he's a good man?

I'll find out over time...

If it doesn't pan out, I'll change...

You're not too hurt that I'm going away?

You...you have to follow your own mind...

Exactly...our minds are not alike anymore, we would just yell at each other..

Don't you agree?

You're the only one I've ever loved, La Francine...

Same with me...Le Bomb, I never loved him, you know?

I know that now...

You have to be as happy as can be...!

You're not mad at me?

Why should I be mad at you, my little girl?

I have to kiss you, my Glaude...

Oh, I stink of wine...

Don't talk nonsense!

I wish you... all the happiness, my Francine...

Me too, my Glaude...

La Denre, La Denre...oh, I wasn't expecting you!

But what's all this?

I've been promoted... I'm not Oxian 2nd class anymore, I'm Oxian 1st class now!

And thanks to you, Le Glaude!

Thanks to me?

Yes, thanks to your soup!

They gave me the flying saucer that takes two hours instead of three!

Now didn't I tell you you would be promoted, didn't I tell you?!!

And that you had to start drinking "canons" to climb all over their heads, those "five heads" of yours!

If you have any ambition...

Oh no...

If you have any ambition... you'll get there...

Over here, the bigwigs only drink wine...

but not your lowly soldier's wine...

but wine corked and sealed...

that we couldn't afford for ourselves...

since we're the ones who make them pay for it!

Come on, come on!

Oh, I say, little buddy, I really could have done without you resurrecting my poor wife!

It caused such a ruckus and, worse, such misery!

I couldn't predict that, Le Glaude!

Oh well, I'm not mad at you...

if that makes her happy, I thank you anyway, for her sake...

My Claude, I'm giving you back your golden Louis!

My old Denre...!

My old Glaude...!

But there's millions... millions... BILLIONS!!!

It's just two minutes' work for a wee chemistry student!

Help me, help me...

Le Glaude...!

From analysis to analysis,

we have concluded that your soup is a soup called "pleasure"...

So it's not poisonous anymore...?!

Right now we are testing how to smile...

since a smile is the outward expression of "pleasure"!

It's a considerable event... a revolution!!!

Le Glaude...!

You must absolutely come live with us

since you know how to plant cabbage

and none other could manage!

He's gone batty!

He's gone batty! He's gone batty!

He's gone batty! He's gone batty!

No, I'm not batty!

Oxo is a planet with oxygen, where you'll live to be 200, free of sickness and infirmity!

And when you'll be up there...

you'll still have 130 years to live, instead of 10, with lots of luck!

He is baaaaatty!

But I don't see myself living 130 years without a drink or a smoke...

with a stone for lunch, a capsule for supper...

I'd rather drag myself, for the next 5 or 10 years, from my cool cellar to my beautiful garden!

Oxo? Earth! Oxo? Earth!|

Earth! Oxo?

You're getting scolded, aren't you?!

Not at all! A fleet of spaceships will deliver to Oxo everything you'll ever need during your long life!

Including tobacco and wine, garanteed to be free of mold and growths!

I'll never set foot on your shitty dump! Do you understand? There!

If you think I'm going to leave my house...

and forget about Le Bomb who's my best friend...

then you're insane, fit to be tied with rope for towing tractors!

But Mr. Chrasse can go with you, since you can't reproduce yourselves!

You take me for a fool, don't you?

And our cat, there, who is going through the misery of old age,

we'd let him die all alone, without the slightest caress?

Is he in danger of dying?

Absolutely right! He's 13, and he's in danger of not reaching 14!

If I did that, I could never shave without spitting on my face in the mirror!

You can bring him along too...!

He'll live to be 200 years old, like you and me...

You're just like old women, you always have the last word...

You twist my arteries...

We shouldn't have farted that night,

and you wouldn't have been drawn to this place, like a fly to a pile of sh*t!

Do you really mean it, Le Glaude, what you've just said?

Perfectly!

You shouldn't, because, me, I like you, Le Glaude...

Even if they often chide me on Oxo that it's bad luck to like people...

That's what they tell you, your savages?

Well, me too, I like you, La Denre!

And I'm not ashamed of it!

So you really do like me, Le Glaude?

Yeeeees, my old Denre...!

Ahhh...nom di Diou, nom di Diou...

Pour me a "canon", Le Glaude!

How's that?

Don't you get it? Pour me a "canon", nom di Diou!!!

Minute! A "canon", get this, is not only wine, but friendship too!

Ahhh...nom di Diou!

Le Glaude!!!!

Back home there are only crazies in the government...

and I'm going to replace them all by myself...

and boot them out with kicks in the ass! Get it?

What do you think, Le Glaude?

I think you're already quite drunk and that you should go back up there before it's too late!

Here you go...

Your box!

The Comittee of Heads has authorized me to leave it with you

in order to speak with you at any time...

Wh..what would I do with it, I can barely wind up a watch!

You won't have to touch it...

Whenever we'll want to talk, it'll light up, that's all!

But Le Bomb, when he'll see this gizmo, he'll...

He won't see it, the box...

It'll be invisible to him...

It is tuned only to your personal airwaves, yours only!

A kiss, Le Glaude!

Bye-bye now...my old Denre...

See who's here! Mr. Mayor!

Ah, my children, I have news!

Come... news... come!

Good morning, Mr. Mayor!

The prefecture has just authorized a large construction project for Les Gourdiflots!

We're getting it, our new town, our entertainment park...

The bulldozers attack tomorrow!

Economic expansion, it's the wealth of the community!

Aime, drinks all around!

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