South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

FADE IN:

Very happy, Disneyesque MUSIC swirls in.

PAN DOWN from a pretty blue sky, to a small quaint town

nestled in the hills. A wooden sign tells us this is South

Park.

EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY

Birds fly into the air, TOWNSPEOPLE smile to each other as

they walk by.

It is a scene reminiscent of, if not directly ripped off

from, the opening number of 'Beauty and the Beast'.

A little eight year old boy walks happily down the street. He

is STAN MARSH, a noble looking boy with piercing blue eyes

and a strong chin. As he walks, he sings a happy song.

STAN:

I'm going to the movies

To see the brighter side of life!

I'm going to the movie

Everything's gonna be alright!

Forget all my troubles

Put my own life on hold

Let a studio tell me

how I should view the world

Where everything works out

I love it that way

I'm going to the movies

The movies today!

Stan merrily walks up to a crappy looking house.

INT. BEDROOM - MORNING

We are in a young boy's bedroom, just as his alarm clock goes

off. BRRRRRTTT!!!

RADIO ANNOUNCER:

Good morning South Park! It's five-thirty

a.m. on Sunday!! Time to feed the horses

and water the cows!!

From the back, we see the blond haired kid sit up from his

bed. He stretches, and then walks over to his closet.

We still only see the boy from the back as he reaches in his

closet and pulls out an orange coat.

The kid puts his coat on, then turns to camera and pulls the

hood shut, so that we never get a good look at his face.

MOTHER (O.S.)

KENNY! YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR CHURCH!!! AND THE LAST TIME YOUR LATE!!

This boy's name is KENNY, and under his orange coat, we have

no idea what he looks like, except for his European nose and

hazel eyes.

KENNY:

Mph rmph rm!

INT. KENNY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN

Kenny walks through his small, dirty house and into the

kitchen, where his MOTHER, FATHER and OLDER BROTHER are

sitting at the humble table.

KENNY'S MOTHER

Sit down, you can share some of your

brother's waffle.

The doorbell rings. Kenny walks over to the door.

EXT. KENNY'S HOUSE - DAY

Kenny opens the door to find Stan.

STAN:

Kenny! The Terrance and Phillip movie is

out! You wanna come?!

Stan shows Kenny a newspaper clipping. It's an ad for the new

Terrance and Phillip movie 'Asses of fire'. Kenny's eyes

light up.

KENNY:

Mph rmph rm, rmph!

Kenny walks away with Stan. His mother comes out after him.

KENNY'S MOTHER

Kenny! Where're you going?

KENNY:

Mph mprh mprh rm!

KENNY'S MOTHER

What do you mean you don't want to go to

church?

KENNY:

Mrmph, rmph rmph rm rmph.

Kenny and Stan walk down the street.

KENNY'S MOTHER

Well fine, go ahead and miss church!! And

then when you die and go to hell you can

ANSWER TO SATAN!!

Dramatic MUSIC STING. Kenny stops, thinks for a minute... And

then walks off with Stan anyway.

EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY

Stan and Kenny now both happily march down the street to the

happy beat.

TOM, a plastic surgeon, peeps his head out the door of his

Rhinoplasty office.

TOM:

Say, where are you boys going?

STAN:

We're going to the movies!

To see the brighter side of life!

Where everyone is beautiful

And have their hair combed just

right!

KENNY:

Mph rmph rm rmph rm!

Mph rm rmph rm!

Mprh rm rmph rm rm

Rmph rm rmph rm rmph!

TOM:

Have fun you rascals!

EXT. KYLE'S HOUSE - DAY

Kenny and Stan knock at the door.

A handsome eight year old Semite, KYLE, answers the door.

KYLE:

Hey, dudes... Aren't you supposed to go

to church, Kenny?

STAN:

Kyle, check it out.

Kenny holds up the newspaper clipping.

KYLE:

OH MY GOD, DUDE!!!

Kyle slips on his coat and heads out the door. But just then,

Kyle's little brother, IKE, a two year old adopted Canadian

boy bounces up next to him.

KYLE:

No, Ike! You can't come with me!

Kyle's MOTHER, a big fat b*tch, comes to the door and yells.

KYLE'S MOTHER

Kyle, you take your little brother out to

play with you!

KYLE:

Aw, ma!!

KYLE'S MOTHER

Do as I say, Kyle!

Kyle's mother closes the door.

KYLE:

Damn it!!

EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY

Now the three boys, and little Ike, merrily strut down the

street and sing in unison.

BOYS:

We're going to the movies

To see the better side of life

Where something interesting happens

Every day and night!

KYLE:

In movies we can pretend

That love is real

and good always wins-

STAN:

We can even make believe marriages

last!

A HOMELESS guy is lying in the alley.

HOMELESS GUY:

Spare a dollar? Spare a dollar?

Stan walks by and throws a dollar at him. The homeless guy

suddenly jumps up.

HOMELESS GUY:

I'm going to the movies!

To see the brighter side of life!

I'm going to the movies

Everything's gonna be alright!

Forget my troubles

Put my own life on hold

Let a studio tell me

how to view the world!

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