Space Chimps Page #2

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I'm calling the A.S.P.C. A!

- Huh?

I demand to talk to my ringmaster!

Help! I've been kidnapped!

Oh, he's clearly excited

to be in a new environment.

Oh, God!

Good glass. Ow!

Commander Titan,

navigation and coordinates.

Ham. Don't and care.

Lieutenant Luna.

It's an honor, sir.

- Mmm-mmm-mmm.

- Yeah. Oh, my.

Hello, lady chimp.

Do not mind if I "dooble."

Luna means moon in Latin.

That's right, sir.

- What do ya know? Two lovers of language.

- Name's Comet.

Computers and electronics.

I look forward to serving with you.

Sorry, kid, but I gotta play Poughkeepsie

on Saturday. Let's go, Houston!

Sir, with all due respect,

you've been selected for a mission...

of historical significance

in the noble pursuit of-

Land of the free, home of the brave.

Yada, yada, yada.

Listen, the only mission I have

is to entertain. Watch and learn.

- Abracadabble.

- Oh, cool!

Oh, perfect. He's a joke.

Anyway, best of luck, break a leg,

blast off-Whatever it is you say.

But I gotta bounce.

What are those?

Rocket packs. We'll be demonstrating them

to the press Saturday morning.

My ticket home.

Quake with fear!

Lord Zartog is here.

Ho!

By now, you are all aware

of the insane power...

I command with my big, shiny

driving machine whatchamathingie.

Are there any among you

who oppose my rule?

Ah, wait.

So you're saying you're in charge

because that thing landed on your hut?

Yes, and if you don't obey me,

I will dunk you in the Freznar.

You wouldn't do that

'cause I'd be frozen forever.

- Exactly!

- Not the Freznar!

Cold!

Anyone else fancy a dip?

Good.

All of you, get to work!

Let's get this party started.

The Infinity recorded 10 G's

through the wormhole.

If the chimps' internal structure

cannot withstand the pressure...

they will explode like a mouse in a microwave...

frying their brains

and splattering their guts.

Your teeth look amazing!

Here comes five G's.

Here comes six G's.

This thing is going so fast, right?

Yoo-hoo!

Seven G's. Eight G's.

This might be a weird time to ask...

but will you help me

move next week?

It's not even that much stuff.

We'll make a day of it!

Hey, that was fun.

- You guys got a log ride?

- My turn.

- Oh, poor little Comet.

He thinks he's going into space.

Three chairs, three chimps.

Gee, where we heading for lunch?

I'm not eating trans fats anymore.

Well, that went well.

We'll need you here, Comet. Our eyes and ears.

Hey, kid.

Did I ever tell you the story of the short-circuiting

posigrades in the first Mercury rockets?

That was you?

It was the day Ham's grandpa

and I coined the term...

"So easy a human could do it."

Oh, I don't know

what makes me happier-

Einstein's unified field theory...

or watching monkeys on a treadmill.

# I am Titan, I am strong #

# No one wants to sing along #

# Get a life, one, two #

# You're lame Three, four##

What?

And to think, I almost dropped out of Harvard

to start a software company.

Who's laughing now, Bill Gates?

Memorizing sequences is a vital test

of the chimps' brain capacity.

You guys into sweet jams?

When are you gonna

straighten up and fly right?

- Saturday, about 10:00 a.m.

- Ham!

I made these radios for the voyage. I think

they might work through the wormhole.

- Huh. You made these?

- Well, I'm good with machines.

Listen, kid, thanks for the Bananaberry,

but I won't be needing it.

Comet, I'll take the radio.

Uh- Hey, kid.

Special-edition simian space shades.

Wow! Thanks!

Sweet!

My fellow citizens, this mission

will travel clear across the cosmos...

where we hope to finally answer

the age-old question:

"Is there intelligent life out there?"

Review rocket controls.

Right thumb go, left thumb stop.

Up is right, down is left.

- You got that?

- Yeah, yeah. Right thumb go, left thumb stop.

Now you're seein' it, now you're not.

Boop, boop. Where'd it go?

Here it is.

Hi! I was hiding.

Oh! You're missing a link.

Chimp up, cannonball.

You're not in the circus anymore.

Making this giant leap

through the wormhole...

comes at great risk and danger.

Who will blaze this trail for us?

The few, the proud...

the monkeys!

- Awesome!

- A historic moment.

And here he is-a symbol of our country's

once and future greatness...

Ham the Third!

Thank you, thank you. Hey!

To the circus and beyo-

That's gotta hurt.

Wait! Oh, no.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

How much fuel is in that backpack?

- Oh, boy.

- Cool!

Ah, wrong way!

Incoming!

- Chimps gone wild.

- Uh-oh! Oh, no!

Holy nards!

- Heads up!

- Save the children!

Run for your lives!

Whoa! Wow! Oh! Huh?

Hey, look! I'm on TV!

Oh! Whoa, no!

- Crazy monkey!

- He's a maniac!

Oh, that's not good.

He's a joke!

Oh.

Whoo-hoo!

Which way to the circus?

Huh? Uh-oh.

Ta-da!

- Load 'em up.

What kind of simulator is this?

It looks really realistic.

Oh, it is.

Okay. I got that out of my system.

Wait. Not quite yet.

Okay. I'm good.

Now, where are we?

Uh, guys?

The simulated Earth's

getting smaller and smaller.

This isn't a simulation, is it?

We are now officially space chimps.

The Horizon has

completed its first phase of operation.

Oh, wonderful!

- There you go.

- # Congratulations to us #

- Ha!

- Yeah!

No, that's not straight enough.

No, no. Now that-

No, it's too straight.

Who is this?

I don't remember dunking him.

No, no! You're doing it all wrong!

Move the Flanderk higher.

Line up the twobs in a row.

Careful with that!

It took me all day to dunk.

- Splork!

- Yes, Lord Zartog?

- Kneel to Lord Zartog.

- Yes, Lord Zartog.

Soon the house of Zartog

will be finished.

It's going to be magnificent!

It's a shame the volcano will destroy it

when the three suns line up on Triple Sunday.

I'm one step ahead of that volcano.

That's why I'm building those.

These pipes will divert

the Freznar safely away.

Nothing will ever destroy

the house of Zartog.

But if you divert

the volcano's Freznar...

the entire village will be buried.

Exactly! A glorious reflecting pool

to reflect my gloriousness...

gloriously.

- Eh, but-but-but where would we all live?

- With me, in my dungeon.

How gracious of you, my lord.

Commander's log. Stardate: now.

Space, the final frontier.

I have bravely led-

- Oh, stewardess?

Can you get me a pillow and a blanket?

- Stay in your seat.

- It's regulation.

- I have bravely led my-

Look! No hands, no feet. No tail.

Back on Earth, your insubordinate behavior

would get you chimp-martialed!

- You're not gonna do that

the whole trip, are you?

- What?

Use "chimp" to replace real phrases.

I tell ya. I'm gonna kill him.

Commander! Violence

is against the primate directive.

- You're right, Lieutenant.

- Is love against the primate directive?

- Aah!

- Listen and learn, cannonball.

- The approach sequence

must be activated in order.

Fire the engines true and fast.

Red one first, blue one last.

In between, press 3-6-5

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