Space Chimps Page #7

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but that was just unacceptable.

Standing by. Awaiting instructions.

I need duct tape, and I need it now.

Yeah, over there. Right. That's good.

We have to move fast.

Load up those pipes!

Seal 'em up, fellas!

Kilowatt, we'll never forget you.

Aw, I won't either.

Well, she won't win

any beauty contests, but she'll fly.

- Probably.

- Maybe.

Hopefully.

Eh, let's not over analyze it.

The suns are aligning. You must hurry.

The volcano is about to erupt.

Oh, no. What about reentry?

- You're going to need a nose cone.

- Nose cone?

- Huh?

- No time. How are we gonna build a nose cone?

Uh, hello?

Mission control,

Infinity is in the launch chute.

- Five seconds.

- I can't look.

- It's louder than a cannon!

- I think I'm gonna be sick.

- Ooh!

- Ahh! Whoo-hoo!

Whoo! We did it!

We-We-We-We stopped the Freznar!

We're saved!

Time to go home.

Bye. Bye. Bye.

I can see the headlines now.

"Commander Titan returns to Earth."

What will I wear?

I mean, what goes with ticker tape?

Approaching wormhole threshold.

- Here it comes. Take this.

- Huh?

- But I don't know how.

- When we pass out, you've gotta pilot us home.

What are you, nuts?

I'm not an astronaut.

- Are you wearing aluminum clothes?

- Um, yeah.

- Are you in a rocket?

- Yeah.

- In outer space?

- Yeah.

- Are you David Bowie?

- No.

Then you must be an astronaut.

Bring this bird home, hotshot!

Whoa!

I'm not cut out for this.

- Ham?

- Luna.

I believe in you.

Wait. Luna, no. Titan.

Titan? Whoa!

You keep showboatin'-

You're not in the circus anymore.

Ham the Third!

Your insubordinate behavior

will get you chimp-martialed!

When will you straighten up and fly right?

You're a threat

to the mission, cannonball!

Believe in yourself, Ham.

Grandpa Ham?

I can't do this. I'm not you.

Well, of course you're not me.

You're you.

You can do things, son.

Just do them your way.

Whoa.

That's them.

They're out of the wormhole.

Infinity, welcome back.

Ham, do you read me?

Shh. The kids are sleeping.

Ham, you have to

align your ship for reentry.

You're coming in too hot. You've gotta reduce

your angle for reentry by 33 degrees-

- Exactly 33 degrees.

- Uh, kind of exactly or exactly-exactly?

Exactly-exactly.

If you don't nail that reentry window,

you'll be space dust.

- Great.

- Now, engage ailerons.

- Check.

- Flick the turbulence coolers on.

- Uh, check.

- Adjust the heat deflectors.

And enable gyroscopic stabilizers.

Uh-oh. Help!

I can't reach it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Ham, you're pitching up.

- No, no, no, no, no.

- Holy out of "controlly!"

- Hey, need a copilot?

Lieutenant Luna. Sure, I do.

Mission Control,

adjusting our angle to 33 degrees.

- Yes!

- Oh, mercy.

We did it! Florida, we have visuals.

What about Commander Coma?

Should we wake him up?

- We don't need a third wheel on our date.

- Luna, ooh.

- Lower the landing gear.

- Check.

Uh, Houston,

our landing gear is toast.

Oh, boy. I picked a bad week

to quit eating bananas.

- What now?

- Don't worry, son.

Low-tech solutions are my specialty.

- Ham, remember the circus?

- Yeah.

- Good. You're gonna crash.

- We're gonna crash?

But this time, stay on target.

- Roger that, Houston.

- Oh, why are you smiling if we're gonna crash?

Because crashing is what I do best.

Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Come out with your paws up.

Paws? They're chimps. Th-They have hands,

with opposable thumbs.

- Come out with your thumbs up.

- And they don't understand English.

Kick it down.

Yahoo!

Wait, my rug.

We all knew. Everybody knew.

Everyone knew when you wouldn't

go swimming at the office party.

Here we go!

- Oh!

- What was that?

I can't hold it!

We lost steering control!

Uh, Ham!

Whoo-hoo! Clutch.

I said "clutch!"

You got it.

Oh, Lord.

I never thought I'd be saying this,

but you gotta crash this ship.

What are you doing?

No, Luna, don't.

I'll see you on the ground.

While we close the chapter

on space travel...

we open an amazing new chapter

in "paint your own plate" history.

Whoa! Just a little bit farther.

Luna, you did it! I got control!

Yes!

The national space program

is hereby offic-

Oh!

Whoa!

No!

Luna!

Whoa!

- Oh, man.

- Whoa!

Whoa!

Luna! Luna! Luna, get up!

You're okay, right?

Oh, this can't be happening.

Come on, Luna.

I stayed on target this time.

I was tryin' to be more like you.

- You were always-

- Right.

- Yeah, and you made me-

- Better?

Yeah. And-

And if I had to be without you-

- You won't be.

- Luna!

Ham.

- But how'd you survive?

- Chin down, opposable thumbs in.

Lieutenant Luna, you crash with style.

Cannonball, I was wrong about you.

You would've made

your grandfather proud.

Thanks. I guess I'm just

a chimp off the old block.

That's a good one.

I'll have to use that line.

Way to stick the landin', hotshot.

I always knew you had it in ya.

What can I say?

I'm an envelope pusher.

Hey, Ham.

Official space commander shades.

Here's your Bananaberry back.

It was almost as good as havin' you with us.

The Infinity?

- But how?

- Impossible.

This ship was not designed to return.

- It isn't even a ship.

- It is a miracle.

A major scientific achievement!

But who built it?

I think we might wanna retest

our space chimps' I.Q.'s.

Are you implying

the chimps built this ship?

We may never know who built it,

but they brought it home.

- Senator!

- Senator, were you wrong to

shut down the space agency?

I-Well, I-

I'd like to announce

the opening of a high-tech facility...

devoted to the exploration

of deepest space.

With first-class facilities for the chimps...

and with a make-your-own sundae bar.

- Personalized-

- And personalized pocket protectors

for everyone!

- Excuse me? Excuse me?

- Excuse me?

- Can I-

- Excuse me, over here!

Pardon me! Pardon me!

Did the chimps encounter alien life?

We will have to launch another mission

to ever know for sure.

- Ready, Luna?

- Ready, Captain.

- Big fella?

- Born ready, cannonball.

Streamers!

- I love 'em!

- # Every one is addressed to me #

- # Every one is Every one is #

- Whoa. Whoa.

- # Every one is addressed to me #

- Yippee!

# Every one is

Every one is, every one is #

# Can't imagine so many monkeys

in the daily mail #

# And all of them coming anonymously

so they leave no trail #

# Never thought I'd have

an admirer from overseas #

# But someone is sending me stationary

filled with chimpanzees #

# Some chimps in swimsuits

Some chimps are swinging from a vine #

# Some chimps in jackboots

Some chimps that wish they could be mine #

# Starsky and Hutch chimps

A chimp who's sitting on the can #

# A pair of Dutch chimps

who send their love from Amsterdam #

# Another postcard

with chimpanzees #

# And every one is addressed to me #

# Another postcard with chimpanzees #

# And every one is addressed to me #

# If I had to guess I'd say

the monkey-sender thinks it's great #

# He's sending me, maybe she's

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