Space Cowboys Page #4

Still the same old Frank, huh?

Well, thats the consensus|around here.

So you fellas made a deal?|Fine. Heres my deal.

l am the flight director and|l can pull the plug on this one.

When its over, its over.

l am not turning over|a new space shuttle...

...to rookies with a months training.|Youre taking two of my guys.

Ethan, whos a brown-nosing snot|and Roger, whos a cocky little sh*t.

But theyre the two best astronauts.

They fly or the package|stays on the ground.

-Deal?|-Well, okay, Gene.

And if l sense for one second...

...that your team isnt cutting it|physically or mentally...

...youre off,|and my original team flies.

So lets see if you still|got it to go.

Suck it up, Frank.

-Genes the same guy l remembered.|-Yeah, hes an a**hole.

-A prick.|-Some things never change.

Now just cough when l say, okay?

Cough.

And again, please.

Morning, gentlemen.

lm Dr. Caruthers.|lll be assisting Dr. Michaelson here.

Hi.

Nothing to be ashamed of.

Easy for you to say.

-Cover your eye and read the chart.|-Time me.

E, F, L, E, P, T...

...P, L, E, P, F, L, F, L, E...

...P, T, P, L, F, E, T, E...

...L, O, P, Z, D, D, E,|F, P, O, T, E, C...

...F, L, E, P, T, P, L, E, P...

...F, L, F, L, E, P, T, P, L,|F, L, T, M, A, D...

...in U, S, A.

Made in the USA.|Thats one for the economy, l guess.

You have 20/10 vision.

-lll be damned.|-And 14 seconds.

All right. E, F, L, E, P, T...

...P, L, E, P, F, L, E...

...L, E, P, T, L, P, E, F,|E, T, Z, E, T...

...T.

-20/20.|-And five seconds slow.

Good.

-Next.|-lm next.

-Five seconds, my ass.|-l wish l could be your next.

Get your fiance to take you to a|French brasserie and give you oysters.

-lf he wont, can l?|-Lets see how you do on your physical.

lll just do the bottom three lines.|F, L, E, P, T, P...

...L, E, P, F, L, F,|L, E, P, T, P, L, F, E, T.

Do you think oysters would be|too much for the first date?

-You have 20/10 vision, captain.|-These are just for looking at you.

l may be blind, Frank,|but my memorys perfect.

Next.

Colonel Hawkins.

You all right?

-lm just not too crazy about needles.|-Well, thats pretty common.

Make a fist|and pump it a couple times.

Okay, thats good.

-You dont remember me, do you?|-What?

My father was flight surgeon|at Beale Air Force Base.

Oh, yeah.

-Dr. Martin. The Goat.|-The Goat, yeah. That was my dad.

l met you when l was 1 2 years old.|l doubt you remember.

Now wait a minute now.

Pigtails, freckles|and knobby little knees.

-Was that you?|-That was me.

-How is old Goat?|-He passed away nine years ago.

You noticed how everybody|seems to be dead lately?

-Yeah.|-l hear that.

You guys ready to do some laps?

Sure.

-Well go easy today. Well do ten.|-Minutes?

Miles. Lets go.

Miles.

-Little prick.|-Frank.

-Thank you.|-Lets go.

Did he really mean miles?

-How far have we gone, Frank?|-Almost two.

-lm going to have a heart attack.|-Thats the point.

-What? To give us heart attacks?|-Hell, yes.

Suppose we didnt make liftoff.

Wed be the first country|to launch dead bodies into orbit.

lf we have heart attacks...

...NASA will want us|to have it right here on Earth.

-Get moving.|-lm an engineer, for crying out loud.

-l stopped running during Nixon.|-Your lady doctors watching.

-She is?|-Oh, no.

Do 225, colonel?

Oh, hell, yes.|Hell, yes. Spot me, tiger.

You got it.

-Ready? There we go.|-Yeah.

All right, let it go.|Let her go, Hawk.

Come on, you can do it. Thattaboy.

Thattaboy.

All right. Push, baby.|Push, push. Up.

All right, come on. Here we go.

Let her go.

Let her go. Push it, baby.

Come on. Yeah, you got it.

You the man. All right.|l got it. l got it.

All right now!

-Thattaboy.|-Oh, yes, sir.

Not bad.

You trying to do something|over there.

Anything worth doings|worth doing well.

lm going to go|to my room now and cry.

lm too tired to chew.

Try to look a little perkier,|will you, fellas?

You still want to go on with this,|Frank?

What do you want to do, quit now?|We just finished the tough stuff.

Now we start training for the mission.

-Everybody get a good nights sleep.|-Theres a real challenge.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Goddamn...

...teeth wont stay in.

Damn, Jerry.

Jesus.

Gentlemen, a round of drinks|from your friends over there...

...who ordered you some goodies.|A little Ensure for you guys.

To old gummers in space.

Cheers.

l drink this stuff.

lts good for your libido.

-Race you the last lap.|-All right.

-Okay. Countdown to one?|-All right.

One!

Frank, hi. l was looking for Hawk.

Well, come on in. Come on in.

Hes right in there. Go ahead.|The coast is all clear.

-Go ahead.|-Okay.

l am so sorry.

No, its okay. lts okay.|lts all right.

What brings you to|the mens locker room?

Gene moved up the stimulator, l mean,|lm sorry, the simulator run.

Okay. To when?

Oh, right. That would be...

...1 1 :
00.

There were some procedures|that l wanted you to be aware of.

This is very uncomfortable,|and lll be leaving now.

lm going to take you out for a beer.

lll be needing one.

Here we go.

Right on target.

Hi. Jerry ONeill.

Do you mind, lady?|You make me nervous.

Get used to it. Youll have a lot|more people watching you on TV.

Thank you. Very comforting.

-You dont make me nervous.|-Oh, Jerry.

l got a roller coaster thatll stop|your heart. l threw up on my helmet!

That was three Gs. As bad as it gets|during ascent and reentry.

l am so pleased.|lt was a piece of cake, guys.

Okay, thanks.

-First one to pass out buys the beer.|-Youre on.

This thing moving?

l dont know.|Doesnt seem to be moving to me.

Say, fellas, is yalls|equipment broke down?

Whats going on?

Makes them look younger, doesnt it?

-Youre a pushover.|-l do believe its moving now.

That sure will take the wrinkles out.

What the hells going on here!?

lm sure you think youre putting on|a great show, but this is not a toy!

Now which one of you idiots|wants to explain this?

Gene.

What?

Which one of us passed out first?

lm getting too old for this sh*t.

l can cook things you wouldnt|believe. l cook crab, lobster.

Thatll be seven dollars.

Hello?

lm sorry. Hes buying.

-We both passed out at the same time.|-Bullshit.

l saw you pass out just before|l passed out. l saw that.

But never mind. lll get this round|because of my confidence.

Absolute confidence in my superiority,|absolute superiority to you...

...in every human endeavor in life.|lKeep the change.

Well leave it up to the young lady.

Tell me, given the circumstances|which one of us...

-...would you take home tonight?|-You mean, like, to the home?

-Yeah.|-Like, the retirement home?

Seriously.|Would you choose this man...

...with his asymmetrical|sagging ass cheeks...

...love handles|the size of Nebraska...

...and his gross, old,|ugly ingrown toenails?

Or this hairy-eared son of a b*tch|with a chicken gizzard neck...

...and a face like|Death Valley fire trails?

-Stop harassing the waitress.|-lm not. What are you talking about?

lm having a private conversation|that doesnt involve you.

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