Speechless

---

,, the issue of development,

With only four weeks left to election day,

both candidates for

New Mexico's senate seat,

former congressman Lloyd Wannamaker

and Eepublican Eay Garvin,,,

Gentlemen, place your bets.

Ten bucks he says

these guys will "sway" the voters.

- Nope. He'll say "woo".

- "Entice".

,, all this in an effort

to woo the state's undecided voters,

Thank you. Uh, no cheques, please.

I need those stats. I can't write him

a speech that says "Take my word for it".

- Thanks.

- Hello, Julia.

Larry, Curly, Moe. I see you wimped out

on the anti-development piece.

- What?

- Page ten, next to the crossword puzzle?

- Mr Ventura.

- How's the school-aid speech?

We can make a difference for these kids,

if Lloyd gets behind it.

Good, but we must find a hotter button

to give the campaign a boost.

- OK. Let me work on a few things.

- Write a speech for Mrs Wannamaker.

- Mrs Wannamaker?

- She's addressing the Historical Society.

The topic:
Pioneer suffragettes.

Here's your research. Thank you, dear.

Can you send ten copies

of this up to my room?

- Sorry.

- Pete! Hey, Pete!

Yeah, hon, over here.

Hi. You have a reservation for me?

- You're...?

- Eastwood. Clint Eastwood.

- Are you gonna give me your name?

- No, I'm kidding. Kevin Vallick.

- Are you with one of the campaigns?

- I just got hired to write some speeches.

See if I can't turn this baby around,

know what I mean?

- Which candidate, sir?

- Uh, you know, uh... whatshisname.

Uh... Come on, help me out here.

- Republican or Democrat?

- Republican.

- Garvin.

- Garvin! That's him, yeah. Yeah, Garvin.

Second floor. Elevator's right behind you.

- Nice, quiet room, right?

- Very quiet.

- Dark?

- Dark.

- Soft mattress?

- Softest we've got.

- Real big one?

- The biggest we've got.

Cos I cover a lot of territory on a mattress,

you know what I mean?

And I don't want you

sneakin' up there and botherin' me.

Wait. Can you...? Hold on.

- Oh!

- Hi.

- Wish I didn't need it.

- Yeah.

My kid has this cough.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Let me see that a second.

I don't think these are for kids.

These are... No, they're not.

In fact, they're not even for coughs.

No, I know that. I realise that. It's for me.

His cough is keeping me awake.

This is a tough call, cos my grandmother

just came through some surgery,

and, uh, she... she can't sleep.

Really? How awful. What kind?

What kind? Extensive.

It was really, uh... extensive.

She had some liposuction work done.

I know. I said to her

"Grandmother, you know, you're 80."

"It's not like they're

beating down your door."

But she's vain. So...

- I'll give...

- Can we split it?

You want to split it? Perfect.

Let's go over it again.

Here's how the black-hole theory works.

Don't patronise me. I'm not patronising

you. I'm trying to teach you something.

Then be patient.

Our unemployment cheques are here,

so maybe if we put them together,,,

Yeah, right, $280 and 85 cents, plus,,,

$33 million and 55 cents,

Eddie! They made a mistake,

You gotta give the money back,

- (slams door)

- (waitress keeps snoring)

- Hey.

- Hi.

Hi.

- How's the kid?

- Oh, it's sad, really.

He was abducted by aliens.

How's Grandma?

Sore. But I gotta say,

her thighs look great.

- Sorry. I just dozed off. There you go.

- Thank you very much.

Hey. Excuse me, ma'am.

Could you turn this up?

Uh-huh.

- I just hate 'em! I hate 'em!

- Hey!

- Wait. You gotta be kidding.

- You don't like this show?

- It's crap!

- I wrote for this show.

No, I did. I... I used to write for this show

for... for a couple of years.

Oh, well, I shouldn't say.

I never really watched a whole one.

It's OK. No, it's all right. Really.

You probably watch PBS.

- Oh! Oh!

- ,, the ditch that divided New Mexico,

Is the ditch a blight? Is there a better way

to stop illegal immigration?

- What is this?

- The Mexico Ditch.

- Oh.

- It's to keep out illegal aliens.

It's completely barbaric,

but Garvin is for it, of course.

- You don't like Garvin?

- Republican simpleton.

- You like him?

- Better than the other guy. Wannamaker.

At least he doesn't hang around

with junk-bond kings with slush funds.

I just prefer him over some

tax-and-spend, knee-jerk liberal is all.

- Let's drop it.

- Good idea.

Good idea. You know what?

It's our first fight.

It's OK. It had to happ...

Sorry.

- Let me know when I'm charming you.

- Oh, just a few more moves like that.

Pie?

You like breakfast burritos?

I know this place across the border.

- Takes 35 minutes.

- We just had pie.

- They're really good burritos.

- Mom told me never to go with strangers.

- We'll pick her up. Where's she live?

- Rhode Island.

All right. 45 minutes.

We'll put her in the back.

Get your motor running

Head out on the highway

Looking for adventure

in whatever comes our way

Best cure for insomnia? Hot laundry.

Take all your laundry fresh out of

the dryer and pile it all on top of you.

Now, if you really wanna sleep,

you take some Fresca, you beat in three

raw eggs, touch of cayenne pepper.

I tried it.

Ha! I'm kidding.

So, uh, what do you do, Julia?

- I write, too.

- Are you a reporter?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

I saw your, uh, press badge

on your bag here.

- Oh, uh-huh.

- I'm very observant.

So who's "R Freed"?

Fasten your seat belt.

- You always drive this fast?

- No. This fast.

- Hey, Julia. Are you divorced?

- Hm?

- Well, you got a tan line there.

- Oh. Long engagement.

Oh. It's over?

Yep. Very boring. Not of interest.

("Big Girls Don't Cry")

- Hey, what's wrong with that?

- Wait, wait, wait.

I'm celebrating my second anniversary.

Of my divorce.

Oh.

Yeah, very boring. Not of interest.

- Would you please find a station?

- I'm looking for a song.

Our song, if you must know.

So, we've graduated to "our", have we?

About two hours ago. I wish you'd

keep up, Julia, if this is gonna work.

- Figured it out?

- Yeah.

Oh.

So, whaddaya think? You know, us.

- Do you think we have a future together?

- Pff.

Good. Me too.

A que lejos queda el carro?

- Como unos diez minutos,

- Gracias,

- What'd he say?

- He said about another ten minutes.

- You don't speak Spanish?

- Uh-uh.

A very romantic language.

Necesito una toalla,

- That's pretty. What's that mean?

- "May I have a towel?"

Oh. Be still, my beating heart.

You gotta love the language.

- Is that cologne?

- Black Flag. Great aftershave.

You know, it's manly,

and as you can see, not a bug in sight.

- What do you think?

- Not bad.

("No se tu" by Luis Miguel on radio)

- Breakfast?

- Most important meal of the day.

,, que me diste

Y el momento

que con besos construiste

No se tu

Pero yo te busco en cada amanecer

Mis deseos no los puedo contener

En las noches cuando duermo

Si de insomnio, yo me enfermo

Thank you.

Me haces falta, muchas falta

No se tu

Well...

You know...

I mean...

("All Shook Up" by Elvis Presley)

- The seat belt...

- All right?

I'm in love

I'm all shook up

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