Spider-Man: Homecoming Page #2

Yeah, well, hopefully,

soon it'll lead to a real job with them.

- That would be so sweet.

- Right?

He'd be all, "Good job

on those spreadsheets, Peter.

Here's a gold coin."

- I don't know how jobs work.

- That's exactly how they work.

I'll knock out the bones of the Death Star.

I'll come by afterwards. For the most part,

the difficult thing is the base of it.

The top half we can knock out

in two hours, tops.

That'd be great.

I'm gonna be late.

Okay, so how do we calculate

linear acceleration...

...between points A and B?

Flash.

It's the product of sine of the angle

and gravity divided by mass.

Nope. Peter. You still with us?

Yeah, yeah.

Mass cancels out,

so it's just gravity times sine.

Right. See, Flash, being the fastest

isn't always the best if you are wrong.

You're dead.

Today we're talking

about Danish physicist Niels Bohr...

...but trust me, there's nothing Bohr-ing...

...about his discoveries

regarding quantum theory.

Did Liz get a new top?

No. We've seen that before,

but never with that skirt.

- Liz, hey. That looks so good.

- Hi!

We should probably stop staring

before it gets creepy.

Too late.

You guys are losers.

Well, then why do you sit with us?

Because I don't have any friends.

Next question.

What is the heaviest

naturally-occurring element?

Hydrogen's the lightest.

That's not the question. Okay.

- Yeah.

- Uranium.

Correct. Thank you, Abraham.

- Yes.

- Please open your books to page 10.

Peter, it's nationals.

Is there no way

you could take one weekend off?

I can't go to Washington. If Mr. Stark

needs me, I have to make sure I'm here.

You've never been

in the same room as Tony Stark.

Wait. What's happening?

- Peter's not going to Washington.

- No.

- No, no, no.

- Why not?

Really? Right before nationals?

He already quit marching band

and robotics lab.

I'm not obsessed with him.

Just very observant.

Flash, you're in for Peter.

I don't know.

I gotta check my calendar first.

I got a hot date

with Black Widow coming up.

That is false.

What'd I tell you about using the bell

for comedic purposes?

- Hey, what's up?

- Hey, man.

What's up, Mr. Delmar?

Hey, Mr. Parker.

Number five, right?

Yeah, and with pickles, and can you

smush it down real flat? Thanks.

You got it, boss.

How's your aunt?

Yeah, she's all right.

She's a very hot Italian woman.

How's your daughter?

- Ten dollars.

- It's 5 dollars.

- For that comment, 10 dollars.

- Hey, come on. I'm joking. I'm joking.

Here's 5 dollars.

What's up, Murph?

How you doing, buddy?

So how's school?

It's boring. Got better things to do.

Stay in school, kid.

Otherwise, you're gonna end up like me.

- This is great.

- Best sandwiches in Queens.

Finally.

- What's the matter with you?

- Could you hold this?

Thanks.

Hey, is this anybody's bike? No?

- Hey, buddy, is this your bike?

- I have no change.

Does anyone have a pen?

Do you have a pen?

Everybody good?

Hey!

You're that spider guy

on YouTube, right?

Call me Spider-Man.

Okay, Spider-Man. Do a flip.

- Yeah!

- Not bad.

Hey, buddy.

- Shouldn't steal cars, it's bad.

- It's my car, dumb-ass!

Hey! Shut that off!

- Can you tell him it's my car?

- I was--

- I work at nights. Come on.

- That's not your car!

- That's his car.

- How was I supposed to know?

- He was putting that in the window!

- Every day with these alarms!

- Turn it off!

- Don't make me come down there, punk.

Hey, Gary. How you doing?

Marjorie, how are you?

How's your mother?

I'm good, I'm good.

You have reached

the voice-mail box of:

Happy Hogan.

Hey, Happy. Here's my report for tonight.

I stopped a grand theft bicycle.

Couldn't find the owner,

so I just left a note.

I helped this lost, old Dominican lady.

She was really nice

and bought me a churro.

I just feel like I could be doing more.

You know? Just curious

when the next real mission's gonna be.

So, yeah, just call me back.

It's Peter. Parker.

Why would I tell him about the churro?

Hey, hey-

Okay.

- Can't wait to see this thing.

- Finally, something good.

Yo, this high-tech stuff makes it too easy.

- Told you it was worth it.

- Okay, go, go, go.

Oh, nice.

We can hit, like, five more places tonight.

What's up, guys?

You forget your PIN number?

You're the Avengers.

What are you guys doing here?

Thor. Hulk.

Good to finally meet you guys.

I thought you'd be more handsome

in person. Iron Man.

Hey, what are you doing robbing a bank?

You're a billionaire.

Hey"

Oh, this feels so weird.

What is that thing?

I'm starting to think

you're not the Avengers.

911. What's your emergency?

Spider-Man is fighting the Avengers

in a bank on 21st Street.

Let's wrap this up. It's a school night.

So how do jerks like you

get tech like this?

No. Wait, wait, wait!

Mr. Delmar.

Hey, Mr. Delmar, you in here?

ls anybody in here? Hello?

Oh, come on.

I gotta--

- Here, here.

- Good, yeah.

Okay. Good. Yes.

Yes-- No. No, put that down.

That's worth more

than you or me. Yeah?

The craziest thing just happened.

These guys were robbing an ATM...

- ...with high-tech weapons--

- Take a breath. I don't have time...

- ...for ATM robberies...

- Yeah, but--

...or the notes you leave.

I have moving day to worry about.

Everything's gotta be out next week.

- Wait. You're moving? Who's moving?

- Yeah, don't you watch the news?

Tony sold Avengers Tower.

We're relocating to a new facility upstate...

- ...where hopefully cell service is worse.

- But what about me?

What about you?

Well, what if Mr. Stark needs me

or something big goes down?

- Can I please talk to Mr. Stark?

- Stay away from anything dangerous.

I'm responsible for making sure

you're responsible, okay?

I am responsible. I-- Oh, crap.

- My backpack's gone.

- That doesn't sound responsible.

- I'll call you back.

- Feel free not to.

What was that?

It's nothing. Nothing.

You're the Spider-Man.

- From YouTube.

- I'm not. I'm not.

- You were on the ceiling.

- No. What are you doing in my room?

May let me in.

We were gonna finish the Death Star.

You can't just bust into my room!

That turkey meatloaf recipe is a disaster.

Let's go to dinner.

Thai? Ned, you want Thai?

- Yes.

- No. He's got a thing.

A thing to do after.

Okay.

Maybe put on some clothes.

- Oh, she doesn't know?

- Nobody knows.

Mr. Stark knows

because he made my suit. That's it.

Tony Stark made you that?

Are you an Avenger?

Yeah, basically.

You can't tell anybody about this.

You gotta keep it a secret.

- Secret? Why?

- You know what she's like.

If she finds out people try and kill me

every night, she won't let me do this.

Come on, Ned, please.

Okay, okay, okay.

I'll level with you.

I can't keep this a secret.

It's the greatest thing

that's ever happened to me.

Ned, May cannot know.

I cannot do that to her right now.

You know? I mean, everything

that's happened with her, I-- Please.

- Okay.

- Just swear it, okay?

Rate this script:4.5 / 12 votes