Spider-Man: Homecoming Page #3

I swear.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

I can't believe this is happening now.

- Can I try the suit on?

- No.

How's it work? Magnets?

How do you shoot the strings?

- I'm gonna tell you at school tomorrow.

- Great.

Okay, well, wait, then.

How do you do this

and the Stark internship?

This is the Stark internship.

Just get out of here.

What's the matter?

Thought you loved larb.

It's too larby?

Not larby enough.

How many times do I have to say "larb"

before you talk to me?

You know I larb you.

I'm just stressed.

The internship, and I'm tired.

A lot of work.

The Stark internship.

I have to tell you,

not a fan of that Tony Stark.

You're distracted all the time.

He's got you in your head.

- Delmar's Sandwiches was destroyed...

- What does he have you doing?

- ...in an explosion...

- You need to use your instincts.

...after an ATM robbery was thwarted

by Queens' own crime stopper...

What?

...the Spider-Man.

As the Spider-Man attempted

to foil their heist...

...a powerful blast was set off, slicing

through the bodega across the street.

Miraculously, no one was harmed.

If you spot something like that happening,

you turn and you run the other way.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

Six blocks away from us.

I need a new backpack.

- What?

- I need a new backpack.

That's five.

- Sticky rice pudding.

- We didn't order that.

It's on the house.

Thanks.

That's nice of him.

I think he larbs you.

You got bit by a spider?

Can it bite me?

Well, it probably would've hurt, right?

Whatever. Even if it did hurt,

I'd let it bite me.

Maybe. How much did it hurt?

The spider's dead, Ned.

You were here?

Yeah.

You could've died.

Do you lay eggs?

What? No.

- Can you spit venom?

- No.

Can you summon an army of spiders?

No, Ned.

The Sokovia Accords were put

into place...

How far can you shoot your webs?

It's unknown. Shut up.

-- To begin regulating...

If I was you,

I would stand on a building...

- ...and just shoot it as far as I could--

- Shut up, Ned.

Hi. I'm Captain America. Whether you're

in the classroom or on the battlefield...

- Do you know him too?

- Yeah, we met.

...fitness can be the difference

between success or failure.

- I stole his shield.

- What?

Today, my good friend,

your gym teacher...

...will conduct

the Captain America Fitness Challenge.

Thank you, Captain.

Pretty sure he's a war criminal,

but I have to show these videos.

It's required by the state. Let's do it.

Do Avengers have to pay taxes?

What does Hulk smell like?

- I bet he smells nice.

- You have to shut up.

Is Captain America cool,

or is he like a mean, old grandpa?

Ned, just...okay?

- Hey, can I be your guy in the chair?

- What?

Yeah. You know how there's a guy

with a headset...

...telling the other guy where t0 go?

If you're in a burning building,

I could tell you where to go.

There'd be screens around me,

and I could swivel around.

- I could be your guy in the chair.

- I don't need a guy in the chair.

Looking good, Parker.

Now, see, for me, it would be F Thor...

...marry Iron Man and kill Hulk.

Well, what about the Spider-Man?

It's just Spider-Man.

Did you see the bank security cam

on YouTube? He fought off four guys.

Oh, my God,

she's crushing on Spider-Man.

No way.

- Kind of.

- Oh, gross.

- He's probably 30.

- You don't know what he looks like.

Like, what if he's seriously burned?

I wouldn't care. I'd love him

for the person he is inside.

Peter knows Spider-Man.

No, I don't. No. I-- I mean--

They're friends.

Yeah, like Coach Wilson

and Captain America are friends.

I've met him, yeah. A couple times.

But it's...

...through the Stark internship.

Yeah, well, I'm not really supposed

to talk about it.

Well, that's awesome.

Hey, you know what?

Maybe you should invite him

to Liz's party. Right?

Yeah, I'm having people over tonight.

You're more than welcome to come.

- Having a party?

- Yeah, it's gonna be dope.

You should totally invite

your personal friend Spider-Man.

It's okay.

I know Peter's way too busy

for parties anyway, so...

Come on. He'll be there. Right, Parker?

What are you doing?

Helping you out.

Did you not hear her?

Liz has a crush on you.

Dude, you're an Avenger.

If any one of us has a chance

with a senior girl, it's you.

House party in the suburbs.

Oh, I remember these. Kind of jealous.

It'll be a night to remember.

Ned, some hats wear men.

You wear that hat.

Yeah, it gives me confidence.

This is a mistake.

Hey, let's just go home.

Oh, Peter.

I know. I know it's really hard...

...trying to fit in with all the changes

your body's going through.

It's flowering now.

He's so stressed out lately.

What helps with stress is a party.

- We should go to the party.

- Yeah, let's do it. I'm gonna go.

Peter.

- Have fun, okay? Okay.

- I will.

Bye, May.

Dude, you have the suit, right?

- Yeah.

- This is gonna change our lives.

- Annie, over here!

- Hey.

L- ley-

DJ Flash.

Okay. We're gonna have

Spider-Man swing in...

...say you guys are tight, and I get

a fist bump or one of those half bro-hugs.

Can't believe you're at this lame party.

But you're here too.

Am w.

Oh, my gosh.

Hey, guys. Cool hat, Ned.

- Hi, Liz.

- Hi, Liz.

I'm so happy you guys came.

There's pizza and drinks. Help yourself.

- What a great party.

- Thanks.

Oh, I--

My parents will kill me

if anything's broken. I gotta--

- Yeah.

- Have fun.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Dude, what are you doing?

She's here. Spider it up.

No, no, no. I can't-- I cannot do this.

Spider-Man is not a party trick, okay?

Look, I'm just gonna be myself.

Peter, no one wants that.

Dude.

Penis Parker, what's up?

So where's your pal Spider-Man?

Let me guess:
In Canada

with your imaginary girlfriend?

That's not Spider-Man.

That's just Ned in a red shirt.

"Hey, what's up? I'm Spider-Man.

Just thought I'd swing by

and say hello to my buddy Peter.

Oh, what's up, Ned?

Hey, where's Peter, anyways?

He must be around..."

God, this is stupid. What am I doing?

What the hell?

This sucks.

Now, this is crafted from a reclaimed

sub-Ultron arm straight from Sokovia.

Here. You try.

I wanted something low-key.

Why are you trying to upsell me, man?

Okay, okay.

I got what you need, all right?

I got tons of great stuff here. One sec.

Okay, I got black hole grenades,

Chitauri railguns...

You letting off shots

in public now? Hurry up.

Look, times are changing. We're the only

ones selling these high-tech weapons.

This must be where

the ATM robbers got their stuff.

I need something to stick up somebody.

I'm not trying to shoot them back in time.

I got antigrav climbers.

Yo, climbers?

Okay, what the hell is that?

- Did you set us up?

- Hey, hey, man.

Hey! Hey, come on. You gonna shoot

at somebody, shoot at me.

All right.

What was that?

- We gotta call him.

- No, no, no.

Did you just do it again?

- Shut up.

- I'm calling him.

Toomes's phone.

Boss.

Oh, my butt!

Great. Guess I'm gonna have

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