Spivak Page #2

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Hey, Mark. Hey, Wally.

You know, I just wanted

to thank you, guys.

You were right.

We got out of our comfort zone,

and I finally got to meet

a nice, normal girl.

Not judgmental, not hung up,

just as sweet as can be. How much did she cost?

Nothing.

I met her at the bar in the club.

Uh-huh, Wally.

Nope.

It was strictly N.S.A.

Just two consenting adults

enjoying each other's company for a night.

It's the best Valentine's Day

I've ever had.

Come clean, Wally.

It's bugging me.

Just admit that it didn't happen.

Let him have his fun, Jesse.

A fantasy is better than nothing at all.

Mr. Westrum.

Mr. Chuck Westrum, your table is ready.

What's wrong?

It's her.

Her. I don't want her to see me.

The gorgeous blonde?

Yes.

Yeah, right.

Okay, enough, Wally.

This game is getting old.

It's not a game.

Okay. -I'm gonna go get her.

-No! No.

It was a one-time thing.

It will ruin it to see her again.

-Oh, here he is. Hey.

Hi, babe.

We're ready.

How do you explain the boyfriend?

I knew you were a liar.

Now, that guy makes sense.

Oh, my god. Hello.

Who is this, babe?

Chuck, this is the guy from last night.

Oh, hi.

Very nice to meet you.

She's something else, isn't she?

Well...

enjoy your brunch.

What just happened?

Maybe she really was a prostitute

and took a liking to Wally,

and that guy was her pimp.

He didn't look like a pimp.

How do you know

what a pimp looks like these days?

It's Las Vegas. Everything is cleaned up.

It's possible. You're right, Wally.

She was beautiful in a normal kind of way.

Sh*t, we gotta get gas.

Hey.

Look who's here.

Oh, my god.

Wally, you have to ask them

what was going on.

You know you're dying to know.

This is your one opportunity.

-Okay.

Yes.

Stand up.

This will be weird.

Excuse me. Excuse me!

Sweetheart, look who it is.

Hey.

Oh, wow!

-What a weird...

-I know.

Are you heading back to the Eastside?

Back to Century City?

-Actually, we live in Cheviot Hills.

-Right.

Jeanine just works at Century City,

at The Art of Shaving.

I know.

I just wanted to ask...

I didn't understand...

It was just a little confusing to me,

uh, about her and me,

and then, and then you and her.

Totally understand your confusion.

Whole damn thing is my fault.

You see, Jeanine and I,

we're getting married in June,

and before we do, I just felt like

it was very important for us

to spend one night with another person

-to, you know, get it out of the system.

-Right.

We were gonna do it tonight,

but then, when we got to Vegas, we...

I don't know, it just seemed weird

to spend Valentine's together,

and then sleep with someone else

the next night.

-Yeah.

-So last night,

I had this stripper

from the Sapphire Club,

not a lot going on upstairs,

if you know what I mean.

But just, like, been around the block

-Babe, let's...

-which is just... Yeah, but it's perfect

for this kind of thing.

And I told Jeanine,

I told her to go

and find something similar,

you know, like a Chippendale,

love-them-and-leave-them kind of dude,

I didn't.

-but, no.

She went and found herself

a nice guy like yourself.

And, listen, she and I both feel

that she made a terrible mistake.

I am so sorry, Wally,

if you thought that you and I...

It was not my intention at all, and I...

I really feel terrible about it.

Are you okay, champ?

Yeah. Yeah, no problem.

No problem at all.

Congratulations on your marriage.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Hey, Wally.

Think about it.

-She could have had anybody in Vegas,

-Oh.

-she picked you.

-Hm.

Let's get out of here.

There's something wrong with those people.

Something seriously wrong.

You don't mind that we didn't spend

another night in Vegas, do you?

Oh, no. No, it's fine.

I am so glad to be home.

Are you okay?

Mm-hm, totally.

It was a bit weird, wasn't it?

Yeah. Just a little.

I mean, what was he like?

What?

-Chuck.

No. We agreed to never talk about that.

Yeah, okay. All right, you're right.

I'm sorry, you're right.

I'm sorry.

It's just, I still feel so bad

about what I did.

Don't feel bad about it.

I just...

I wish I could make it up to him.

Maybe we could set him up with someone?

Oh, come on.

I mean, who do we know that would be...

-okay with a guy like that.

-Oh, yeah, you're right.

Wait.

What about Tammy?

Tammy Delacourt?

No...

-No.

-No.

No! Tammy Gordon from the gym.

-The Laker Girl.

Yeah.

-Ooh.

-Yeah.

She seems open-minded.

I bet she'd really dig him.

-Actually, that's not a bad idea.

-Yeah.

Yeah, and she just got out

of that terrible relationship.

Wally would be a good change for her.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-All right. That's perfect.

-Yeah.

I'll see if she's interested.

Who knows?

Maybe they'll like each other.

Wally.

Wally!

I'm late for work, Robby.

Did you catch the piece about me

in The Paris Review?

No.

Anything else?

You know, Wally,

if it makes you uncomfortable,

you don't have to read it.

A Street Urchin Finds a Voice.

In his excruciatingly beautiful memoir,

MacArthur Parked,

Robert "Robby" LeBeau has burst

onto the American literary landscape...

Hi, sorry to bother you,

but I'm looking for this guy called Wally.

Uh, little dude, like, 5'7",

140 pounds on a good day.

Uh, he's a writer.

You know him?

Are you a cop?

Am I a cop? No, I play golf.

Um, in fact, I was on the tour

for a couple of years,

and, uh, now, I'm a golf pro

at the Cinque Terre Country Club

in the Palisades.

You know it?

-Uh...

I'm just curious why you don't seem

to know this guy's last name.

He never told it to me.

Hm.

Uh, I don't wanna cause any trouble.

I just thought, you know,

he's a writer and this is a bookstore,

there'd be a connection.

Hi! Is, uh... Is Wally here?

No.

You're one of his friends

from Vegas, right?

Good to see you again.

Thank you.

So, Jeanine and I, we, uh...

We felt terrible

about everything that happened, and...

Well, we were hoping that we could

set Wally up with our friend, Tammy.

She's this really great girl.

You wanna set up Wally?

Yeah, with our friend, Tammy.

I think he'd really dig her.

She's a Laker Girl.

A Laker Girl?

Yeah, she's very good.

You're kidding me, right?

Who knows Laker Girls?

Jeanine and I know several.

Wally loves the Lakers. He's a fan.

He'd definitely be into it.

Perfect!

So, we were thinking Friday,

for lunch maybe,

at the Cinque Terre Country Club

in the Palisades, say, around noon?

Okay.

So...

it's a plan?

Yes. Absolutely.

No way.

You're a coward.

Wally, great writers

lead interesting lives.

Do you agree?

With some exceptions.

Emily Dickinson never left her room.

Is that true, Kevin?

As far as we know, Jesse.

I'm gonna look it up later.

But for the most part,

do you lead an interesting life?

You gotta start living life, Wally.

I don't wanna be harsh, but...

you got nothing to write about. That's why you've been working

on the same novel

for three-and-a-half years.

But I don't wanna write about Laker Girls.

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