Splash Page #6

Is she a mutant or missing link?

No, she's not.

I'm from People.

Is she also seeing Burt Reynolds?

For crying out loud!

Leave him alone!

Leave him alone! get out of the way!

- Let me through.

- Out of the way.

- Allen, you all right?

- Yeah. get me out.

Is anyone here from Penthouse?

- [ Reporters ] No.

- Then we ain't talking.

dd [ Car Radio ]

Hey, Allen?

What are you looking at? You never

saw a guy who slept with a fsh?

get back to work!

Mr. Bauer, you had a million messages.

I wrote them down.

You got calls from CBS, NBC, ABC, AP,

UPI, Ted Turner, Time, Newsweek,

Marineland, ''Ripley's Believe It Or Not, ''

and Mrs. Paul.

Not now, Mrs. Stimler.

''Fishman?''

Fishman!

That's what they're

calling you on TVtoo.

Personally, I think it's kinda cute.

- So, how is she?

- How is she?

She's... a mermaid.

I don't understand. All my life...

I've been waiting for someone...

and when I fnd her,

she's a fsh.

Nobody said love's perfect!

Oh, Freddie, I don't expect it

to be perfect,

but for god's sake, it's usually human!

Every day people meet and they fall in love.

Look what I got.

Look what you got. Yeah, let's look.

Let's take a good look at what you got.

- People fall in love every day, huh?

- Yeah.

That's a crock! It doesn't work that way.

Do you realize how happy

you were with her?

That is, when you weren't

driving yourself crazy.

Every day? Come on.

Some people will never be that happy!

I'll never be that happy.

What am I talking to you for?

You don't know nothing. Mrs. Stimler?

[ Beeping ]

Does she look a little pale?

Ah, that's a good day's work.

Tomorrow, I want to see

how she interacts...

with other marine life,

then the internal examination.

Internal?

I want to study her pulmonary system,

- reproductive organs, everything!

- Dr. Ross?

Are we considering...

how the subject is responding

to the examination procedure?

I'm considering everything!

Ah, yes,

I'm sure you are, Dr. Ross.

How stupid of me. But let me ask,

are you considering the possibility...

that you might be a sadistic pig?

While we are baring

our souls, Mr. Kornbluth,

I must honestly tell you I have never

considered you a man of science.

You're not a member of my team.

Run along, Walter.

See if you can't fnd a unicorn.

[ Door Slams ]

[ Trickling Water]

- What's that?

- Painkiller, Mr. Kornbluth.

Whoever punched you

cracked your tooth.

We'll be very close to the nerve.

I don't deserve painkiller.Just drill.

Oh, you want pain.

Well, we aim to please.

[ Drill Motor Whirring ]

get out.

- What are you--

- get out!

-Ja,ja,ja.

- Please stay. Ahh!

Let's talk.

Hey, put that down.

- Put that needle down.

- Stay away from me.

- I said, ''Let's talk.'' Put it down.

- Stay away!

Ahhh!

Ahhh! Ohhh!

Uh.

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

What a week I'm having!

You've destroyed my life, Kornbluth.

I didn't mean to.

I just had to prove that I wasn't crazy.

I'm a man of science.

I just didn't think about

how it would affect you...

or her.

I'm really a nice guy.

If I had friends, you could ask them.

I've been on the phone to

every employee of the government...

calling them sons of b*tches.

Nobody could even get in to see her.

I can.

Come on. Come on!

- Ahh!

- Come on.

good afternoon, Dr. Kornbluth.

I wasn't expecting you today.

These are Drs.Jarred and Johanssen...

from the Stockholm Institute.

I thought they were

coming later with Dr. Ross.

No, no. That story was to fool the press.

You know, I'm half Swedish.

-Ja.

-Ja.

-Ja.

- Oh,ja.

- Well!

-Just a second.

Ah.

- How the hell did you do that?

- Let me tell you.

Many nudie flms come from Sweden.

After you see them 400 or 500 times,

the stuff sinks in.

Afternoon, Buckwalter.

Sorry, no one comes in...

until Dr. Ross gets back

with them Swede people.

These are the Swedish doctors.

These are... Swedes?

Ah, come here.

Isn't that one kinda dark?

He's dirty from the trip!

- Let us in.

- I'm not supposed to.

What are you afraid of?

Do you think we're

gonna steal the mermaid?

Steal the mermaid.

Stealing the mermaid!

Are we gonna fold her in half

and put her in a briefcase?

In a briefcase. In half.

I guess it's all right.

go in. go in.

- good joke, there.

- Yeah.

[ Beeping ]

- Hi.

- Hi.

Is this the big secret you've been keeping,

that you're a mermaid,

or is there something else?

No, that's it.

Allen, don't feel guilty.

guilty? About what?

About not loving me anymore.

Oh, Madison.

All the time we were together,

you always knew how I was feeling.

Can't you tell now?

[ Faster Beeping ]

d Well, left my wife

in New Orleans d

d Forty-eight kids

and a can of beans d

- d Left, right, one, two dd

- Oh, my god!

- What?

- Stand back, man.

Cover his face, for god's sake!

What happened? What's going on?

Dr.Johanssen bent down

to examine that creature...

and suddenly these rays

came out of her eyes!

Don't go in there!

She'll melt your face off.

I knew something would happen.

What should I do?

- Don't whine. Seal off the area.

- I'll call the Pentagon.

You want to create a national panic?

- I don't want to die!

- Pull yourself together.

Don't let anybody in that room.

I'll be back with nuclear weapons.

Come on, Doctor.

good afternoon, Dr. Ross.

Who are your guests?

Drs.Jarred and Johanssen

from the Swedish Institute.

Sir?

Dr. Kornbluth left with

the Swedes a few minutes ago.

Hiya, boys. Come in. The water's fne.

[ Laughing ]

Let's get her back now! And arrest him.

[ Alarm ]

[ Helicopter]

We have a blue BMW. Over.

- [ Honking ]

- Come on.

Know something?

I don't think we're being followed.

Wha-- Well, that was easy.

That was simple! We did it!

[ Laughing ]

-[ Walter ] My plan.

- You're a genius.

I am a genius,

but you came in with the Swedish thing.

That was a brilliant touch.

I didn't even like you when we frst met.

Nobody likes me when they frst meet me.

[ Laughing ]

Allen?

- Move!

- All right. Here we go!

[ Honking ]

[ Honking ]

Suspect heading south on Broadway.

[ Helicopter ] Unit One. Lost them

in the Wall Street district. Over.

- Stop the car.

- What?

Stop and let me out.

I'll slow them down. Do it!

I caused all this.

Now I'm gonna fnish it.

get the hell out of here.

go!

Whoa! Oooh.

What a week I'm having.!

[ Honking ]

[ Honking ]

Hey, mac, move that thing out of here.

Up yours, gomer. I'm waitin' for a fare.

[ Tires Screech ]

Heave!

All right. Move out.

Come on, let's go!

- I was ready to stay with you forever.

- I know.

They know who you are.

They won't leave you alone.

I can't ever come back to you.

I wish I could go with you.

You can.

- How?

- It can be done.

Remember when you were eight

and fell off the ship?

You were safe under

the water, weren't you?

Yeah.

You were with me.

You mean, that was real?

That was you?

That was you!

This is great. This is great!

I can go with you

and still come back...

and see Freddie at Christmas.

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