Splash Page #5

You taught me all the legends.

You used to show me charts

on your offce walls...

where sailors had claimed they saw mermaids.

Walter, that was for fun, for relaxation,

not for you to build your whole life on.

I'm gonna prove to you

and everyone else that...

that girl is a mermaid!

How? You gonna get her wet...

so everybody sees she has fns?

[ Chuckles ]

[ Indistinct ]

[ Honking ]

[ Honking ]

[ Man ]

Taxi?

Oh!

- Watch it.!

- Hey, watch it, buddy.

[ Walter]

Excuse me.

Look out.

What does he think he's doing?

Hey.! Hey.!

[ Crying ]

[ Walter ]

Oh, my--

dd [ Piano ]

- [ grunt ]

- [ gasp ]

Oops.

Nice earrings.

- Is something the matter?

- No, nothing at all.

I was thinking.

You don't have to leave the country.

- I do.

- You don't. There's stuff we can do...

to get around the immigration laws.

I could give you a job down at the market.

You could get a work visa.

Or, uh, you could, uh,

marry, like, an American,

and they have to let you stay.

Our food is here!

Oh. Well, we'll talk about it later.

Do be careful, madam.

The plate is very hot.

Thank you. These look terrifc.

She's really hungry!

##[''Skater's Waltz'']

You were very good.

Come on. Oops. Come on.

Let's sit down and talk.

Ah.

Your nose is cold.

I don't want to talk about my nose.

Your ears are all red!

I don't want to talk

about any part of my face.

But I do want to talk about

what happened in the restaurant.

I'm sorry.

That's how we eat lobster

where I come from.

Oh, no-no-no.

I don't care about that.

I was trying to do something in there,

and I guess I did it very badly.

I was trying...

to ask you if you wanted to get married.

Madison, will you marry me?

No.

What? No? Just no?

You don't want to think

about it, kick it around?

- I can't.

- Why?

I can't tell you.

I know you have some big secret you think...

you can't tell me, but you can.

- You're already married?

- Allen.

You're dying? You were once a man?

- Whatever it is, you can tell me.

- Allen.

I only have three days left.

Please make them wonderful.

Okay.

Want to skate some more?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Allen?

You know them?

No, I'vejust seen them before.

I guess they've come here

for about 40 years.

They look very happy.

Why shouldn't they be happy, huh?

They get to spend

their whole lives together.

Is this really what happens

when water gets cold?

Yeah.

Where I come from, it never gets cold.

Well, hey, what a breakthrough!

You just really opened up to me there.

Your voice sounds funny.

It's called sarcasm.

They don't have that where

you come from either?

No.

Well, they don't have anything, do they?

They don't have ice, or music or clothes.

What kind of a place is this?

Madison?

- Madison!

- Hey, those skates are rented!

give me one second. Madison?

Ahh! Madison!

Madison, please? I'm sorry!

Let her go. Show some dignity.

Madison?

[ Indistinct ]

Thanks.

[ Car Horn ]

[ Thunder ]

Hey, Charlie. How's it goin'?

- Allen?

- What?

Yes.

If we get our blood test today,

we can marry tomorrow!

Before the blood test,

I have to tell you everything.

So, tell me.

- Not today.

- But see,

if we get the test today--

no pressure, mind you--

then as soon as you tell me,

we can get married.

Listen,you will love being married to me.

I was born to be married.

Mom and Dad were married.

Their moms and dads were married too.

[ Panting ]

[ Camera Clicks ]

Son of a b*tch.

I thought we were going upstairs.

I love you. I'm not gonna lose you again.

We are getting married tonight.

We're gonna drive to Maryland.

Freddie always marries there.

You don't need

a blood test down there.

There's this dinner

with the president. Damn!

Hey, that's okay!

We'll go to Maryland after dinner.

- We'll already be dressed up!

- I haven't told you--

You haven't told me this big secret.

Tell me on the way to Maryland.

Oooh!

I hope we have a boy and a girl.

- What kind?

- Wha-- What kind?

The young kind, I guess.

The older ones are

a little hard to deliver.

We're getting married tonight.

- Wonderful.

- Thank you.

Why is this bread in here

instead of out there?

The butter is hard like a rock.

Do you have a broken arm?

No, it's fractured in 1 6 places.

Why are you here?

The union sent me.

##[''Hail To The Chief'']

My god, the president is here!

The president's here. The president's here!

Hmm.

I'm just a corn-fed Kansas boy,

but you are the Big Apple of my eye.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

It's great to be back in New York.

Alert. Alert. Table 5.

Intercept busboy with suspicious hump.

He's reaching! get him now!

- Sir, I'd like a word with you, please.

- About what?

This has nothing to do with the president.

This has nothing to do with the president.!

[ Indistinct ]

Well, I guess he just found out

what his dinner cost.

I want to talk to the press.

I want to talk to the press.

I have a formal statement to make!

[ President ] In Bob Hollins,

you have a candidate for Congress...

who is in touch with the people,

a man who built up the business

left to him by his grandfather.

What was once a small

pushcart on wheels--

- Allen?

- Yeah?

It's time for me to tell you.

What? Now?

- Right now.

- Okay. great.

- Not here.

- Fine. Fine.

[ President ]

But more importantly, with fresh meat.

- I am not crazy.

There's a mermaid in there.

- Shut up.

- What mermaid?

- I am a scientist!

Where's the goddamn car!

The gray BMW.

[ Shouting ]

[ Indistinct ]

Hey, I know that guy.

I saw him on Cape Cod. He was crazy then.

There she is! There she is!

- Don't let him shoot that.

- That a gun?

- Hold it.!

- No!

Get that thing out ofhis hand.

Grab that hose.!

Grab him.! Get him.!

- No!

- What's going on?

I was right!

Behold the mermaid!

[ Crowd Gasps ]

Let me outta here.!

Who are you? What is your name?

Allen!

- What do we do?

- grab her. grab everybody.

- I want to see her.

- Allen! Allen!

Get her.! Get her.!

Allen.!

Please?

- Let's pick her up.

- Allen. Allen!

Allen. Allen.

Allen.!

good afternoon, Dr. Ross.

[ Man On P.A. System ]

Dr. Hill, line 5. Stat.!

- Buckwalter.

- Sir!

Gentlemen.

- Anything?

- No change.

I am not a fsh!

How many times do

I have to tell you that?

Will you just let me out of here?

Please? Huh? People?

Let's try some interaction.

Fine.Jim?

[ Hoist Motor]

[ Beeping ]

I guess they thought you might be one.

Yeah.

I guess so.

You said whatever my secret was,

you'd understand.

I know.

You thought at least I was a human being.

Allen?

He's been in the water 1 2 hours.

He's just a man.

get him out so we

can concentrate on her.

greg Martin, W-M-E-T Radio,

here with Allen Bauer.

- When did you meet the mermaid?

- Tell me where.

Did you know she was a mermaid?

- Did you actually make love to her?

- That's a stupid question.

Did she eat worms?

Would you have to make

love to her in water?

That's none of your business.

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