Splitting Adam Page #2

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Ugh!

Hey!

I said there isn't

gonna be a next.

You do realize that was the

cord to the treadmill, right?

Yeah, I do.

Whatever.

Dude, this is the most awesomest

thing that ever happened to us.

If you can't see how

amazed balls this is...

Okay, fine, it's amazed

balls, but we have to play it

safe.

You guys have to agree that we

won't go anywhere near it

until we decide exactly

what to do with it.

Mm-hmm.

All right, good.

'Cause right now

we got bigger problems.

You already

look ten years younger.

Okay, Gillian's

in her own world,

so she probably won't notice.

But nothing

gets past Uncle Mitch.

He may not be

a very good magician,

but he's a master

of observation.

You have got

to stop working so hard.

What the...

Here comes the boom.

Did you make me

chocolate chip pancakes

with smiley faces on them?

Your favorite, right?

Sherlock Holmes

is definitely on the case.

Uh!

Greatest nephew ever!

Okay.

But I mean

what if he's dangerous?

How do we know that thing's

not a complete psycho?

Uh, it's smiley-face

chocolate chip pancakes, dude.

That's like scientific proof.

What a beautiful day.

It's strange.

He's an exact replica of you,

but you don't have

anything in common.

He's responsible, organized

and makes a mean pancake.

It's as if the machine

is somehow overcompensating

for those personality bits

you're missing.

Baker!

Ah!

Do I or do I not pay you

good money to mow my lawn?

Well, see, now

that you mentioned it...

Look at it!

It's four inches!

Four inches!

My hair isn't four inches.

You measure your hair?

If it's not done by the time

I get back from doing Pilates,

I'll find someone else

to do the job for ya.

Capiche?

Okay.

Gesundheit.

Hey!

There's a lot of

other Adams out there.

Uh, other Adams?

I don't really know

anything about.

Just get it done.

Okay.

Come on, baby.

Remind me why you cut

Tony Pepperoni's lawn again?

Because my allowance

is like five bucks a week.

Besides, Mr. Galatte's

my best customer.

He's your only customer.

Exactly.

That's why I can't

lose my only customer.

And I can't miss

the morning staff meeting

at Crash 'N Splash.

If only you can be

at two places at once.

Huh, huh?

Yeah, if only.

Uh.

Oh.

Hi, everybody.

No one can hear you,

because you're not holding

the kickboard.

Can everyone hear me now?

Yes.

As you all know, attendance

at Crash 'N Splash

is way down this year.

Huh?

Which means our annual

Splash-apalooza fundraiser

is top priority.

This place needs our help.

Now Vance and his crazy popular

band, Vance Vance Revolution,

have generously offered

to headline the event.

We love you, Vance!

But there's still

a lot of work to be done.

So if anyone

has any time to spare,

I'm looking for volunteers

with fresh ideas

to join me

on the planning committee.

Anyone?

Dude, did you forget to use

deo this morning?

Huh, huh?

Oh, thank you, Adam.

Huh?

You're welcome.

Seriously, Baker?

What fresh ideas

could you possib...

You can barely

keep your shorts on.

Need I remind everyone

of last summer's lifeguard test,

the filter incident?

Oh, no!

Hi, ladies.

Or does this have

something to do with the time

I caught you secretly snapping

phone pics of Lori

while she was teaching

basic rescue?

They were for

the newsletter, okay?

I swear.

Okay.

I don't know what

you're so upset about.

With you on the planning

committee,

Lori will have no excuse

not to notice you.

Yeah, I'm not sure

that's such a good thing.

Besides, where exactly

am I supposed to find

the extra time to...

What is that?

Oh, my gosh.

He's supposed to be

watching Number Two?

Are you kidding me?

What is this?

Something Number Two whipped up.

It's a low-fat mango-licous

pineapple, banana smoothie.

A taste of tropical paradise.

Mwah.

What?

Care for one?

Ah, okay, is this

what you got me doing all day?

Being your man servant?

Just the one of you.

The one of me?

He hasn't tried starting

a fire yet, has he?

Oooh, uh-oh.

Ah, it burns!

What have you done?

It wasn't me.

It was him.

Okay, don't be mad, but

I crunched the numbers.

And in order for us to expand

our lawn business,

we're gonna need

a full-time employee.

Unfortunately, mistakes

were made, lessons learned.

And to make a long story

short, a copy of a copy...

He isn't so bright.

Huh?

Oh, man, he's rocking a unibrow.

On the upside,

he's easy to train

and extremely hard working.

Ugh!

Hey, Winston!

Huh?

What'd I say?

What'd I say... about

sniffing people?

No.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Winston.

Down, boy.

There you go.

You named him?

We can't all be called Adam.

Ah!

Strangling yourself

may be counterproductive.

Also, way less profitable.

Whoa.

Whoa, that's like...

Half the block.

It was Number Two's idea

to have them pay for membership.

Adam, maybe we shouldn't

overlook the possibilities

this opportunity presents.

Mm.

Whoa!

Man, if Lori

doesn't like one of me,

then why she's gonna

like another?

Just more of me not to like.

Because it wouldn't be you.

When you made your first clone,

you were all worried about

Gillian, doubting yourself,

wishing you were

more responsible.

And who came out

of the gizmo that night?

Mr. Dependable, that's who.

Uh.

All you have to do this time

is focus on

what girls want most in a guy.

What do girls

want most in a guy?

Oh! I know.

A good listener.

Someone they can just talk to

about their deepest needs

and innermost feelings.

Uh, no.

What they want is

a guy who can party.

Everybody knows that.

When did you become

an expert on girls?

The closest you've been

to a date

is the fruit and nut section

of the grocery store.

I remember that,

do you remember that?

Fine. Who cares?

We'll make both.

Two heads are better than one,

right?

I guess.

Uh!

Ow!

Just clear your mind

and concentrate.

Good boy, here you go.

Go in.

I'm going, I'm going.

And may the best you win.

Hm.

Ah.

It's supposed to go out

with that one.

And then disappears

Oh, caught it!

Sometimes...

Ah, party boy in the house.

Check me out.

Mm.

Oh, yah.

Uh, sweet hat, yo.

Too much party, too much party.

Sssh.

Oh, man,

laser lights, laser lights.

Come on, let's go.

Danny, come on, come on.

Sssh, ssh, ssh.

Come on, let's go.

Let's go, let's go.

Winston, here boy.

Just drop it.

Come on.

What light

through yonder window breaks?

Ah!

The sound and smell,

love doth quake.

Uh,.

Ah.

Sparks!

And that, my dear niece,

is a Mongolian soap trick.

I know, impressive.

It smells in here.

Hey.

You know, once you get past

the grunting,

he's actually kind of sweet.

Dude, he's got

rug burns on his knuckles.

Gnarly, bro.

It's a teddy bear.

Uh, ah!

Om, om, om.

Huh?

Yo, party dawg!

What do we do?

I don't know.

Why are we whispering?

Uh, who is it?

Pizza guy.

Free breadsticks, yo!

Winston.

I gotta go back to night school.

Mom was right.

Gentlemen, our objective...

make Adam awesome.

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