Squatters Page #4

- Wait, what?

- Yeah.

He spoke to them. Said they were

a very nice looking young couple.

They called themselves

Adam and Sarah, your cousins.

- They did their homework.

- You're kidding?

And he, the kid,

knew what he was doing.

He got my passwords,

he got into my files, he got my gun.

- The old six-shooter.

- Yeah.

Surprised he didn't blow his hand off.

It's all right. Everything's insured.

Except for my father's ring.

Sh*t. Sorry, Dad.

Wait a minute.

She came into the theater

and sat down right next to you?

Didn't sit down right next to me.

She was the only person in there.

- To see The Kid?

- Yeah.

- Unbelievable.

- I know, right?

Well, she sounds pretty interesting.

Yeah, she's...

She's interesting.

And?

And...

- ...we're having dinner tonight.

- Yeah.

That's the way it starts.

- What's that?

- Love.

- Dad. Come on.

- No, that's the way love starts.

How do you know it's love, though?

Well...

...for someone to find true love

in their twenties, that's rare.

So if it's not true love,

at least it's great practice.

And if it is true love...

...then it's a blessing.

And you can't ignore that.

- Hi. Can I get a one way to Barstow?

- Fifty-five.

I'm sorry.

I tried.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah.

I'm good.

What are your plans today?

I don't know.

Will you spend the day with me?

This is nice.

What?

I love spending time with you.

Will you go to dinner with me tonight?

Okay.

At my parents' house?

Yeah, I know it sounds weird.

It's a Passover dinner.

It's a religious thing...

...but it'll be fun.

I don't know.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Why not?

I don't know. I...

Listen. You have nothing

to worry about. They're really nice.

And I just... I'd like you to meet them.

Please?

Let me think about it, okay?

Okay.

Ronald, what's up?

Where the bloody hell

is my Porsche Carrera?

Look, there was a bit of a problem.

But here's what I'm gonna do, okay?

I'm gonna sell you the Cayenne for half

and then we'll just call it even. Cool?

Are you f***ing kidding me?

No, it's a good car.

I wouldn't give that car to my mother.

Do I look like a soccer mommy?

- "Get in the back of the car, kids."

- No.

- We made a deal...

- I know.

...for the Porsche Carrera.

There was a problem, all right, man?

I'm sorry.

I can sell you this for half.

- You believe this guy, Sammy?

- Well, it's a good car.

Go on, sunshine.

Oh, whoa, hey, hey.

No, no, no, please don't.

I can get it.

I can get you the car. I'll get it.

- I will take a finger...

- No.

...for every day that you do not bring me

my Porsche Carrera.

No, please, I'll get it.

I'll get the Carrera, I'll get it.

I'll get it.

- Told you not to f*** with me, right?

- Yes, and I won't.

- Yeah? Did I not?

- I'll get it, I'll get it.

Not so f***ing shiny and smooth now,

are you, motherf***er?

Okay.

Okay, I'll get it.

Please don't, please don't.

Please don't, no.

F***!

Be warned, you little c*nt!

I'll get it.

I'll get you the car.

Didn't they shoot Grease here, Sammy?

You know, boss, I think they did.

- You on your way yet?

- We're leaving.

Well, don't be late.

I will not be late, I promise.

- Michael, love you.

- I love you too.

Bye.

- Can I help you with anything?

- No.

- Jeez.

- Actually...

You ready?

Can you pour me a glass of wine?

Are you nervous?

Of course, I'm meeting your parents.

They're gonna love you.

I'm not Jewish.

- Don't know anything about Passover.

- That's okay.

Hey, look at me.

It's gonna be fine. It's just a party.

How bad could it be?

- Okay.

- It's gonna be fine.

Let's go.

Perfect.

- He's excited.

- He sounds mature.

- Like I did when I first met you.

- Mature?

Are you good?

Hey, Dad.

Happy Pesach to you.

Happy Pesach, Dad.

This is Kelly.

Kelly, my father, David.

Happy Pesach to you.

It's such a great pleasure to meet you.

Please, come in.

Thank you.

- It's nice, huh?

- It's amazing.

Michael.

Thanks.

- I don't suppose you'd...

- Sure I will.

- Really?

- Yeah.

All right.

- I like you more and more.

- Thanks.

When did you have your first cigar?

When?

I was 31.

I was hanging out with some guys

who liked to smoke.

It wasn't the taste

and it wasn't the smoke.

It was the idea, you know?

That that's what they did at the top.

And that's what I wanted.

I wanted to be right at the top.

Looks like you made it.

Almost.

Almost, kiddo.

Come, come.

Wow, look at that.

Yeah, look at that.

You know the drill.

We record everything.

- Everything.

- Everything.

That's great.

It's been a while.

It's a good occasion.

It's a great occasion.

And it's great to have you with us.

Thank you.

All right, well, let's get

to the Hebrew...

...the lamb shank, wicked child,

all that stuff.

No, we can skip all that tonight.

Let's just make this about the family...

...and the love that's at this table.

And I guarantee you, in 20 years...

...you'll understand

how important that is.

- Come on, Dad.

- It's okay.

A lot of people don't have this.

You have a beautiful family

and it's great to be part of it tonight.

Thank you.

Okay, Michael, why don't you go

to the door and invite Elijah in?

Elijah is a prophet.

He represents everyone who is in need

and is always welcome.

Yeah, and he looks like Superman

with a big star on his chest.

- Come on.

- All right.

It's been too long.

Go in there.

Mike?

- Please, don't.

- Sit down.

You shut up.

I'm not who you were expecting, huh?

Please don't point my gun at anyone.

- Please.

- Your gun?

This isn't your gun anymore, okay?

I'm so sorry to interrupt dinner,

all of you looking so...

...so presentable.

But, you know, from the outside,

you never see the whole truth.

Please,

you can have anything you want.

Hey, take it easy.

- How about instead I pull this trigger?

- Jonas.

Jonas, you win, okay?

This has nothing to do with you.

You're full of sh*t.

- Do you know this person?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

- It was you?

Wait, Michael.

- It was you two?

- I'm sorry.

- You lied to me?

- Yeah.

- You lied to me and you set us up.

- No.

- Yeah, something like that, man.

- No.

This was all a f***ing con?

You know what, man?

It's called survival.

- In the real world, it's called survival.

- Jonas.

I don't know what a con is anymore.

- You are not who you say you are.

- Don't know what you're talking about.

I am so sick of you and your family

and your f***ing house.

Then get the f*** out.

No.

- Sit down.

- You can have anything you want.

Whatever I want?

- I want your car.

- Okay.

The Porsche. The Carrera.

Great.

Kelly, now we go.

Kelly.

Just leave.

- I'm sorry.

- Just leave.

- I'm sorry, I didn't...

- Kelly.

Up.

What the hell did you think

you were trying to pull back there?

Be one of them,

be nice and pretty and rich?

Well, you're not.

You are sh*t, Kelly.

You're trash, like me.

The question is,

what the f*** you're gonna do now...

...after I've made the deal

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