Stage Fright Page #4

...especially on

important stories like this.

And what paper are you on, may I ask?

Well, I can't tell you that.

If anything should go wrong,

it would be embarrassing for the paper.

Oh? And what about my job?

Suppose Miss Inwood found out

I was passing you off as my cousin.

I'm not sure she won't smell a rat.

I never been away ill for years.

But anyone could go sick.

And I could do it, really I could.

I've... I've done a bit of acting.

Character acting?

- Yes.

- I see.

All you gotta do is put on some old clothes

and make yourself look common like me.

Let me explain why it's so important

that I get the right slant on this.

I think there's a romance between

Miss Inwood and this man named Cooper.

And where did you get this idea?

Do you know what I think?

- I think you're snooping for the police.

- Oh, no...

I saw you this morning sitting

on this very seat with a detective.

Oh, well, that was Wilfred Smith.

He's an old friend of mine.

I didn't get a thing out of him.

Charlie, double gin and lemon, please.

- Not too much lemon, dear.

- Same for me.

I can get five times that much

from any newspaper when the case is over.

Why not get both?

Caught you, have I?

Hope I don't intrude

on some deep conspiracy.

And I hope you find yourself no worse

for your distressing experiences.

Haven't I met your charming

friend before? I know that face.

This is my cousin Doris, Mr. Fortesque.

Oh, yeah. Charming. Charming.

Perhaps as dear Nellie didn't

provide me with your surname...

...you'll let me call you Doris, eh?

Mrs. Mason, I can't think what I've done

with my reading glasses.

Have you seen them anywhere?

- Could l...?

- Oh, there you are.

Help me find my glasses, Eve, darling.

I can't see a thing.

I'm Doris Tinsdale.

I'm from Nellie.

Move along there, please.

I'm Doris Tinsdale.

- Miss Inwood's expecting me.

- Oh, yes.

You're the temporary Nellie sent along.

Just wait over here a minute.

We'd like to see Miss Inwood.

Can I have a few words with you as well?

By all means.

Will you step this way, please?

I understand you've been in service

now for six or seven years.

Six years and nine months,

to be precise...

Come in.

Okay, yes. I'll come around

the box office tonight.

- What did they say, Freddie?

- More cancellations.

Oh, how stupid people are.

Even if my understudy's legs

are so peculiar...

...she's just as good as I am.

She knows darn well she'd better not be.

That's not the point.

It's you they want to see.

- Well, what do you want?

- I'm from Nellie.

Madam's expecting me.

The new girl's here, Charlie.

No, no. This doesn't fit me.

Here, here. Pull it up on this side.

The other side too.

You know that, don't you?

Excuse me, madam.

Read it to me, dear.

"Dear Madam, this will introduce

my cousin Doris...

...who is in every way a good girl."

Not so loud.

"I hope you'll find her satisfactory

during my illness. Signed, Nellie Goode."

This is very nice,

if you can call mourning nice...

...but isn't there some way we could let it

plunge a little in front? I suppose not.

"Signed, Nellie Goode."

If we could only work in a little

color somewhere. Oh, well.

"Signed, Nellie Goode."

Take off your hat, dear.

There are simply millions

of things to do, I'm afraid.

You won't mind if I depend

on you a great deal?

Thank you, darling.

Now, get me out of these weeds.

I'm beginning to feel sad, and I shouldn't.

It's so depressing.

See who that is.

What's your name?

Doris Tinsdale, madam.

Yes? What is it, Groves?

Divisional Detective Inspector Byard...

...and Detective Inspector Smith

to see you, madam.

Good heavens.

Hear that, Freddie? The police again.

- Show them up, Groves.

- Very good, madam.

I thought I told you to wait downstairs.

Hand me a negligee from that cupboard

over there, will you, Phyllis?

Now, what about this dress for

the theatrical garden party, Miss Inwood?

Black? Oh, yes, of course.

How clever of you to remember, darling.

Hold that for me, will you?

- Freddie.

- Yes?

We haven't decided. Am I going

to the theatrical garden party?

I don't feel an atom like it.

I keep thinking about those

dreadful cancellations.

I don't see why.

They're a compliment to you.

Hand me a comb and mirror

from over there, will you?

But they do cut down the takings.

I think I could appear tonight,

if you insisted.

Wouldn't it be a terrible strain for you?

Oh, ghastly.

But I can't help feel

for my poor, dear, loyal public.

Looking towards it for weeks...

...and then trailing back sadly

with their tickets...

...getting their money returned.

I simply can't bear it.

It would be pretty trying.

Waves of sympathy coming on the stage...

...all the gangways flooded with tears.

I can hardly bear the thought myself.

No use trying to stop me.

I'm going on tonight.

Be at the theater at 6:00 sharp, will you?

- Yes, madam.

- Take this away.

You go right ahead, dear.

Garden party dress and everything.

And why don't we let ourselves

go a trifle just in front, huh?

And thank you so very much.

What do you suppose

the police wants now?

I don't know.

Must you speak to me

with your mouth full?

They've probably come to look under

your bed for Master Cooper.

What could I tell them about Cooper?

I know nothing about him.

Tell them just that.

Listen.

That's a good idea.

Elsie, darling, come here.

Now, I want you to wait

in the other room and listen.

When you hear me cough, you come

in and say, "The doctor's here."

Yes, madam.

You can stand just so much of detectives.

After all, they are only policemen

with smaller feet.

- In here?

- The next door, sir.

What's the matter with Nellie?

Oh, it's her stomach, sir,

if you'll excuse the expression.

The tragedy and excitement

was too much for her.

- Highly strung type, eh?

- Oh, very, sir.

I suppose you know, Miss Inwood,

that whatever Cooper's motive was...

...it certainly couldn't have been robbery.

Of course, darling. I understand that.

I suppose he just tried

to make it look like robbery.

What's your name again?

- Doris, sir.

- You know, Doris, you're not bad-looking.

- Thank you, sir.

- You don't treat your face properly.

If you fixed your hair and used makeup,

you'd be quite attractive.

I suppose I shouldn't have seen him

as often as I did.

But I didn't realize how madly

infatuated he was with me.

I just didn't realize.

You'll never know how much

I blame myself for all this.

When my husband came back

from New York last week...

...and I told Jonnie I couldn't see him...

...he kept on phoning me.

He wouldn't let me alone.

Oh, maybe if I had agreed to see him...

...he wouldn't have done

this dreadful thing.

- When did you last see Jonathan Cooper?

- Let me think.

It must have been a week...

A week before my husband died.

- Go on. What are you waiting for?

- Did he come to this house?

Excuse me, madam.

The doctor's waiting to see you.

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