Stage Fright Page #7

for wanting to talk to Miss Inwood.

- Let's not talk shop on a day like this.

- Oh, I am sorry.

Do you hate inquisitive people?

Of course not. I'm one myself.

But seriously, Ordinary, do you think there's

anything between Cooper and Miss Inwood?

Seriously, "Extraordinary,"

I shouldn't be a bit surprised.

What a curious person she must be.

I mean, going back on the stage

so soon after everything.

The show must go on.

A smiling face, a breaking heart.

Actors rather like it, I'm told.

But today...

...going right from the funeral

to the garden party.

I must say, I think that's

overdoing things a bit.

A strong sense of the dramatics

and all that sort of thing.

It's...

...so cold and calculating of her.

Is it?

Yes, it is.

If she's that cold and calculating,

I was wondering...

...maybe she had something to do

with her husband's death.

Were you?

After all...

...there must be a lot

that doesn't appear on the surface.

I mean, like...

...wheels within wheels.

Who...? Who knows what goes on

in a woman's mind?

I don't know.

And if I don't know, I...

Well...

...who?

A woman's mind sometimes...

I was saying that a woman's mind...

That's right.

Do you really?

I think so too.

In Miss Inwood's case?

What?

What?

I have to report to the committee tent

to get my programs.

- whether to give it to the orphans

or to let the government take it.

I'm putting it to you!

There's the committee tent over there.

You do understand I won't be able to spend

the whole afternoon with you?

Can't I go with you? I can sell a mean

program. We bloodhounds have methods.

But you must go and amuse yourself.

I can't take you with me.

Every time I begin to think I know

what color your eyes are, you disappear.

But it's against the rules. Now please go.

I'll pick you up later. I'll get in trouble.

Right here. Step right up.

Yes, madam. Over here...

Eve, you brute. Wherever have you been?

You're hours late.

- I'm sorry, Chubby.

- What a day. What a day.

- Hello, Valerie.

- Hello, Eve.

Oh, this is Wilfred Smith.

Chubby Bannister and Valerie Maynard.

They're at RADA with me.

- Well, how do you do, Mr. Smith?

- How do you do?

I'm sure you'd love some ice cream.

Chubby could show you where it is.

- Oh, but I'd adore to.

- That's most good of you.

I hope you'll remember me by this little

token of my regard and esteem.

Allow me.

As you know, this fete is being held

for the aid of the Actors' Orphanage.

Now, it's raining outside, and if you've

got half a pound to spare, come in...

Which programs shall I take?

- Take that pile, dear.

- Thank you.

You newspaperwomen work hard

at your job, don't you, Miss Gill?

How did you know my name?

Called that number you gave me

for emergency.

A Mrs. Gill answered,

and I put two and two together.

- What did you need me for in such a hurry?

- Don't talk to me like that.

I've come down here to tell you

Miss Inwood's looking for you.

- What does she want?

- She wants your head, of course.

What's more, she said the police want

to talk to a Miss Doris Tinsdale.

She wants to know when I'm going

back to my work.

I told her my stomach

was still out of order.

Well, it's better now.

- Much better, thank you.

- You want more money, don't you?

Well, look at the risk I'm running. I'd better

go to Miss Inwood and tell her everything.

And before that detective finds out

there's no such person as Doris.

Here's 5 pounds. It's all I have with me.

Oh, my job's worth more than that,

at least another 20.

I'll meet you outside Miss Inwood's tent

in half an hour.

Finished already? You are doing well.

- May I use your phone?

- Why, yes, of course, my dear. There it is.

Thank you.

Hello. Is that you, Father?

Could you come right away? With all

the money you can lay your hands on.

At least 20 pounds. At least!

It's Nellie.

The girl I'm understudying.

Yes. Be quick, darling.

No queuing.

No queuing here.

Step right up.

Yes, madam, over here...

Doris, isn't it?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. I took your advice, sir.

I done myself up.

I mean, what do you think of it?

- Where have you been?

- Oh, I can explain it, sir.

- Only yesterday...

- Come along. I'll take you to Miss Inwood.

Come on, hurry.

Roll up, roll up, roll up. Come and have

a good time. Come on, sir. You, sir...

Miss Tinsdale to see you.

Well, this is a pleasure. Where have

you been? I thought you were dead.

Oh, no, madam. I wasn't.

As a matter of fact...

You needn't go into detail. I hope you're not

turning into one of those explicit people...

...who always tell you exactly

how they feel when you ask them.

You did leave me a trifle suspended,

however.

I'm sorry, madam.

I was held up.

Darling!

Whatever happened to that

peculiar figure of yours?

It's a new dress, madam.

Keep it, dear.

What it does for you is worth thousands.

I bought it at a sale.

Don't confide in me.

Just pour some tea, would you?

By the way, Doris...

...did Nellie tell you the police

want to talk to you?

But whatever for, madam?

Oh, I hope they won't upset my dad.

- My dad said...

- They're not going to eat you, darling.

It's not important. Just pull yourself

together and pour the tea.

Rehearsals from morning till night.

If we wanted to misbehave...

...we couldn't find a minute to do it in.

- No.

Yes, so I understand. Eve tells me she kept

hard at it all day and evening.

But Eve hasn't been near for days. I thought

she was home with a cold or something.

- Maybe she's got a job in a show.

- Gosh.

A fortune in five minutes,

and there's no income tax on it tonight.

Excuse me, madam. I've...

I've got to sneeze.

- Miss Livingston, I presume.

- That's not my name.

Oh, no, no. It's Nellie Goode, isn't it?

But what does the name matter?

After all, I could think of lots of much

more appropriate names for you.

Yes, I could think of a few for you too.

Who are you?

I understand my daughter has entered

into a somewhat shady transaction.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Well, you are a blackmailer, aren't you?

You know, that's a very,

very naughty thing to be.

Don't say things like that to me.

You could be had up for a thing like that.

Now, don't be so peppery.

- I like to keep things on a friendly basis.

- One short.

It's all I've got. You don't want

me to walk home...

I don't care if you crawl home.

Oh, well, it doesn't matter. I'm not mean.

And you've got till tomorrow morning.

Father, Freddie Williams, Charlotte's

manager, spotted me as Doris.

I had to go into Charlotte's tent.

If there's one thing I hate,

it's saying I told you so.

And the police want to talk to Doris.

I don't know which way to turn.

I think I'll get Smith

and tell him the whole story.

Have you got him to suspect

Charlotte yet?

I'm afraid not.

But I thought you had to pick him up at

Whitehall. Didn't you talk to him about it?

But, yes, I did...

...in a way.

In a way?

Oh, I see.

Some more important topic arose

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