Stan Helsing Page #7

Synopsis: It's Halloween night, and slacker video clerk Stan Helsing along with his insanely sexy ex-girlfriend , best buddy and an exotic dancer/'massage therapist' - detours into a town cursed by the biggest monsters in movie history: Freddy, Jason , Pinhead , Leatherface , Chucky , & Michael Myers.
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Director(s): Bo Zenga
Production: Anchor Bay Entertainment
  1 win.
 
IMDB:
3.6
Rotten Tomatoes:
17%
R
Year:
2009
108 min
Website
552 Views


I just wanna go home

I know the words to

this song are real

But, oh, I just wanna go home

I know he's talking about

the way I feel

And I just wanna go home

Listen, baby

I know we had to try

To reach up and touch

the sky, baby

Whatever happened to you and I?

But I just wanna go home.

Tough. It's tough... tough call.

Now you know how it works...

the town decides.

How many of you think that

Stan and his friends

were the best?

Yay!

Now how many of you felt that

the monsters were the best?

Aw, well,

I'm sorry, monsters.

They're admittedly a little biased,

you understand.

Wait wait wait.

You heard Kay. We won fair and square.

There is no fair and square.

Uh, Stan?

Do something, Stan.

Do something.

I'm gonna bring out the hardware.

- Do you need a hand?

- No, I got it.

Ooh, I got it.

Ahhh!

Well, that was

completely ineffective.

Hmm.

I... I feel like I should tell you, um...

I forgot to mention that

I got a little thirsty earlier,

so I refilled your weapon

with the water hose

from outside.

- You drank the holy water?

- It was delicious!

Could have used this information

a minute ago.

Ahh.

The scroll!

Great, it's a joke.

I thought it'd be more of a clue.

I think you're both right...

it's a joke and a clue

on how to deal with

these monsters.

- I don't get it.

- I don't get it either.

No, guys, I think I can read this.

Yeah, I think it says that

the monsters have weaknesses.

Okay okay, Stan Helsing!

You've had your fun.

Now get ready to

taste your own blood!

- Ahh!

- Ooh!

There! Check it out!

That really hurt.

You wanted me to get involved?

Well, I'm getting involved.

Wait, no, please.

Please please.

I don't see how this is

gonna help, but all right.

Oh, not me? Okay.

Ow!

My God.

I have no weaknesses, mortal.

We're not gonna go that easy.

Oh, actually, you two

have the same weakness.

Teddy... condiments, please.

Coming right up, Stan my man!

Whoo!

Sounds like Sammy Boy finally

got his raw meat.

Got his raw meat!

Let's set this on shred!

Yeah!

Hello? Hi.

Ha. Looks like no one's

getting blown tonight.

Ahhh!

And what's my weakness?

Dude, you're a doll.

Announcer over radio:

Go for the goal!

Blue 69,

hut hut hut!

Here's the kick!

In the air.

It's good!

You did it!

You got rid of the monsters!

Your cab is waiting

for you outside.

Here.

You've earned it,

Stan Van Helsing.

Freak.

Come back! Come back!

We need you.

Thanks for visiting

Stormy Night Estates!

West gate.

An ice-cream truck? That's a new one.

No, I can't say I've ever seen

a Rocket Sucker with balls.

Oh, hey look, it's the mask

that altar boy gave you.

Oh. Mask.

So does it alter how I look?

I think he meant it would alter

how you look at things.

Oh.

Stop the cab, please!

Yeah!

You know what I'm thinking?

- Lap dance?

- Well, I was gonna say a kiss,

but we can skip right to

the lap dance if you want to.

Oh my oh...

Oh, I'd better make sure you're okay.

Oh, no, you're so sick.

Oh, you're so sick.

Whoo!

Welcome to my world, b*tch.

Take it one time

Yeah yeah, uh-huh

Do we gotta say it again?

Ain't nothing goin' to change

What we got is lockdown

We run the game

and that's right

People wanna get on down

and get down

People wanna

let loose and let loose

'Cause you know

that the beat is sick

Make you wanna

get down with it

Yeah, yo

I eliminated the middle man,

the child genius

Growing up with a fan

like nothing in the middle, man

I gotta do this for

my daughter and my little man...

Oh, yeah, squeeze your face.

Who's a bad boy?

Who's a bad...

Yeah! Yeah, you're my bad boy!

You're my bad boy!

Everybody can do it,

you know Scribble can

Went from the top to the bottom

to the top again

And ain't no stopping him

'Cause he the one to check

my studio tan, man

I ain't seen the sun

in five weeks...

Hey, Mom.

That's right.

I'm in a stripper costume.

I'm giving a lap dance. I've done

dirty dirty things in this movie.

You're gonna be so proud of me.

Where that music coming from?

From my heart, just a start,

there's a reason...

Wait, are there any

black people in this movie?

Wait, we're in it.

I'm in it!

Tick tickety, don't quit,

but do we gotta say it again?

Ain't nothing going to change

What we got is lockdown

- We run the game...

- Take this right, take this right!

People want to get on down

and get down...

This is Mockingbird Lane.

It takes...

- One more time.

- Do it again, do it again.

Do it again.

Here we go. Shut up.

Shut up. Here we go.

Take this right, take this right!

Oh.

Ahh.

One more.

It's so stupid!

Stan Helsing?

I thought you said Van Helsing.

Next thing I know you're

gonna tell me that's not Superman.

Get you high but too much

and you might choke on the words

Please stop frontin' like

you're taking the crown

You're really waitin' around

till I'm hingin' the town

Oh! Tick tock, you don't stop

To the... tick tock, you don't stop

To the...

tick tock, you don't stop

To the... tick tickety,

you don't quit

But do we gotta say it again?

Ain't nothin' going to change

What we got is lockdown

We run the game

and that's right

People wanna get on down

and get down

People wanna

let loose and let loose

But you know

that the beat is sick

You make me want to

get down with it

That's right,

straight running the game full stop

Third verse, catch it

fresh with the free flow

Hands up in the air,

put 'em up for my people

If you're still wondering about

the numbers that we sow

Just bought a house, motherf***er,

it's free ho

Not Lisa Loeb

but got the #1 single

Come a long way from

them radio jingles

Had to hustle and flow,

keep that on the d-low

Stay humble, showing off's

not in my "stilo"

We just sitting together now,

sittin' in the king's throne

Even got coated platinum

buttons on my ringtone

Producing and continuin' to jam,

bringing my team home

Peter Jackson can now

witness King Kong

Looking forward for daylight,

Chinese playing ping-pong

Laughing at the competition,

whacking at wind songs

Keep it poppin', I ain't stoppin',

won't be long

Ride it to the top

like I ain't even been gone

Tick tock, you don't stop

To the... tick tock, you don't stop

To the...

tick tock, you don't stop

To the... tick tickety,

you don't quit

But do we gotta say it again?

Ain't nothin' going to change

What we got is lockdown

We run the game

and that's right

People wanna get on down

and get down

People wanna

let loose and let loose

But you know

that the beat is sick

You make me want to

get down with it

That's right, straight running

the game full stop

Get get, uh, get, get down

Get get get get,

get down

Get get,

uh, get, get down

Get get, uh, get, get down

Oh, straight running the game

Full stop,

straight running the game

Full stop, straight running the game

Straight running the game,

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Bo Zenga

All Bo Zenga scripts | Bo Zenga Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Stan Helsing" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 23 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/stan_helsing_18740>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


    Quiz

    Are you a screenwriting master?

    »
    Which film won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 2019?
    A BlacKkKlansman
    B Green Book
    C The Favourite
    D Roma