Stand Off Page #5

ever made.

BOY:
Give us a look

at your gun, mister.

What?

Shut up, and sit down.

Ah, go on.

Just give us a look at the gun.

Get back in that settee.

- Go!

- No!

Hey, I'll take your legs

at the knees

if you don't sit down now.

Now be quiet, or I'll put

the Curse of the Umgazi on you,

and your teeth will fall out.

INSPECTOR:

So what's our next move, boss?

Give them time to get

tired and hungry.

Then we'll see where we're at.

INSPECTOR:

Are you hungry, boss?

I could eat a horse

between two mattresses.

Come on.

- Two fish suppers, please.

- WOMAN:
Yes, love.

Fish and chips,

greatest food known to man.

I mean, you got your protein,

your carbohydrates,

your omega-3 oils,

your sodium,

and all for 3.50, eh?

Plus you get to catch up

on yesterday's news.

Heh heh.

Now, where else in the world

would you get a bargain like that?

[Radio]

Expect heavy traffic buildup.

We require ambulance

and fire service.

What the f*** is this?

SAS MAN:

And stand by, Sergeant.

Covering.

Who's the OSC?

OSC?

On-site commander.

Well, th-that's me.

And you are?

Captain Thomas Farnsworth, SAS.

And what are you doing here,

Captain Farnsworth, SAS?

I didn't catch your name or position.

I'm Detective Inspector Weller,

and I'm standing in front of you.

What are you doing here?

I'm here to assist.

Nobody requested the SAS.

We have direct orders

from the Ministry of Defence.

The war here is over.

Did nobody tell you?

Those days are gone.

But I know what this is about.

Yous are bored, aren't yous?

Excuse me?

Ah, you're stuck in your barracks,

nothing to do.

You have the smell of action,

and here you are.

Well, you can f*** off

back to Kabul

or Baghdad

or wherever you came from.

There's nothing for you here.

Very well. I'll pass your message

to the Home Secretary.

I don't care if you

inform the Queen herself.

There's nothing for you here.

Now get back in that van of yours,

and clear off.

I have work to do.

Civilians.

Move it out, lads.

Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Excuse us.

Sorry. Sorry.

Jesus, lads.

We're in big trouble now.

What am I going

to tell your mother?

This just came

through via e-mail...

from the FBI.

What we have here is

a Mr. Joseph Maguire of South Boston,

an antique supplier.

"You'll notice that Mr. Maguire

is married to a Tracey Barrett,

"daughter of James Barrett,

"better known as Whitey B.,

head of the South Boston

Irish mafia."

Heh.

"Mr. Maguire, it appears,

"is in bad favor

at the moment with Whitey,

"who has a hit out

on his son-in-law

for 100,000 to whack him."

That doesn't get out,

by the way,

in case one of your lads decides

to take up the offer.

- [Ringing]

- JIMBO:
Answer it.

Hello.

You missing Boston, Joe?

WELLER:
Missing the wife?

JIMBO:
What?

WELLER:
Come on.

I know everything now.

You have a price on your head,

you come over to hide.

You run out of money.

You go back

to your robbing ways.

The game's up, Joe.

Come on. Surrender now.

We can work all this out.

- Help! Mister!

- Shh!

- We been kidnapped!

- Shh! Wait, boys.

[Yelling]

- Who's that?

- SOPHIE:
Shh! Shh!

[Hangs up]

You're married?

Uh...

JIMBO:
You see?

- Look...

- He's a liar.

MARY ELLEN:

You no-good bastard!

For God's sake,

Mary Ellen, don't!

Run, lads!

Lads, for God's sake, run.

I'll f***ing kill yous all!

I'm sorry, Mary Ellen.

It was a mistake.

My kids are being held hostage!

[Recording] Help! Mister!

We've been kidnapped!

- [Yelling]

- SOPHIE:
Shh!

Oh, Jesus.

Two boys,

a woman with an accent,

a Belfast man and a baby.

Makes it slightly more difficult

if we need to take Maguire out.

What the f*** are

you talking a...

Why are you still here?

Hi. James Buckley,

Ministry of Defence.

What can I do for you, James?

Listen.

Uh, you're to deploy the SAS team.

Why? This is a police operation.

I know, but it's direct orders

from the Prime Minister's office.

This suspect, Maguire,

he's Catholic, isn't he?

I have no idea.

Well, we can't have the Police Service

of Northern Ireland shooting him.

It's terrible

for community relations.

Well, what if he's a Protestant?

Same difference.

It's not in keeping

with the PSNI's new image.

And how about

if he's an American?

What?

The suspect has connections

with the mafia in America.

He's American?

- Yes.

- Okay.

Under no circumstances,

even if he comes out with guns blazing,

are any of your men

to shoot an American.

Countries have

been bombed for less.

Holy moley.

Can you imagine the paperwork?

I've been on the force

for over 30 years,

and I've never yet

fired a shot in anger.

I'm hardly likely to start now.

That's what I like to hear.

However, if it does get messy,

then the bad boys take over.

[Chuckles] And, by the way,

can you include

Captain Farnsworth

in all decision-making processes?

It's just he gets a bit sad

if he's left out.

Good man.

I'll make sure there's a Queen's Medal

in this for you.

Calm down, Mrs. Jones.

We're gonna take care of this.

We've no need for this.

There, now. Come on.

Careful, lads.

Keep your heads down.

You know they're good boys.

It's just that useless gob shite

of a da of theirs.

Very good boys, they are.

[Playing notes]

I will kill you two.

Go on. I dare you.

Why didn't you tell me

you were married?

Yeah. Why don't you tell us

about your family in America?

Why don't you tell her?

You're the one that's here

to do the dirty work.

What are you talking about,

"dirty work"?

You're a cheating,

no-good scumbug.

- I ought to kill you now.

- What are you...

You have no idea, do you?

Hey, calm down.

What are you talking about?

You know what I'm talking about.

- I don't.

- My mum,

that's what I'm talking about.

What about your mom?

Don't tell me

you don't remember.

Jesus Christ.

You'll be the same,

used and abandoned.

Who...

Who is your mom?

Phyllis. Phyllis Regan.

Phyllis Regan.

I don't know her.

- Yes, you do.

- No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

Is that you and her...

when yous were together?

Ph-Ph... Um...

Okay. Phyllis. Okay.

Yeah, fine. It's Phyllis.

JIMBO:

You remember that photograph?

Yeah, I do.

It was at the beach.

What beach?

The... At the big...

Coney Island?

You don't remember

the most famous beach in the world?

You don't even remember?

- Right. Get into the toilet.

- Hey, hey.

Move. Get into the toilet

till I figure out

what to do, because...

- Just get into the toilet!

- All right!

- [Scratching]

- Boys, come, come, come.

Hey, into the toilet,

all of yous. Go.

Mister, I need to go to the toilet.

You're going into the toilet.

But I need to go on me own.

Please, me first, mister.

I said it first.

Okay, right.

You go, quick.

SOPHIE:
Hurry up.

ANNOUNCER:

The standoff continues,

with police sources confirming

that the siege is related

to the earlier fish market robbery.

The PSNI...

We pulled off a big one

today, lads.

Big operation.

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