Stand Up and Cheer!

---

Did you know that

Lawrence Cromwell...

the big theatrical producer,

is going to call on the president today?

Did I know it?

It's the talk of the White House.

- Lawrence Cromwell will be here at 11:30.

- I'm dying to see him.

Do you know that Lawrence Cromwell

is the authority on feminine beauty?

Lot of good that'll do you, Angie.

Yeah. I'm in the press room.

White House. Yeah.

Lawrence Cromwell.

Stand by for a statement.

After he sees the president.

Okay.

Well, I've been on the White House hitch

of the Secret Service...

for seven years now,

and it strikes me...

this guy Cromwell's

getting a lot of attention.

Yeah. Big New York theatrical shot.

Okay.

You'd think it was Lindbergh just

getting back from Paris or something.

- You are Mr. Cromwell's-

- General scout, sir.

Dinwiddle is the name- Eustis Dinwiddle

of Fern Hall, Hertfordshire, England.

By the way, I hope you

gentlemen of the press...

won't find it necessary to refer to me

as Mr. Cromwell's general, uh-

In fact, right-hand man.

And to say I've discovered

some of his most brilliant talent.

That's a little bit of information

I always keep to myself.

Do all the big theatrical producers

have general scouts?

Oh, no, sir.

Just Mr. Cromwell and myself.

- We're different, you know.

- What are the duties of a general scout?

Just general-

G- G-General scouting.

Looking for lovely girls. Mr. Cromwell

is always in the market for lovely girls.

Who isn't?

Come on.

Look out for that plane, boys.

Watch out for that blade.

- How do you do, Mr. Cromwell?

- Good morning, gentlemen.

- Good morning.

- New York Times, Mr. Cromwell.

- What's the purpose of this visit?

- I have no statement to make.

Well, surely-

Mr. President, may I present

Mr. Lawrence Cromwell?

- Mr. President.

- Mr. Cromwell.

I have admired your

theatrical productions for years.

- Thank you, Mr. President.

- Will you be seated, please?

Mr. Cromwell, our country is

bravely passing through a serious crisis.

Many of our people's affairs

are in the red...

and, figuratively,

their nerves are in the red.

But thanks to ingrained sturdiness...

their faith is not in the red.

Any people blessed

with a sense of humor...

can achieve success and victory.

We are endeavoring to pilot the ship past

the most treacherous of all rocks- fear.

The government now proposes

to dissolve that destructive rock...

in a gale oflaughter.

To that end, it has created

a new cabinet office-

that of secretary of amusement-

whose duty it shall be to amuse

and entertain the people...

to make them forget their troubles.

Mr. Cromwell...

we are drafting you and your

splendid talents into public service...

and it is with confidence

and pleasure that I offer you...

the cabinet position

of secretary of amusement.

Mr. President,

I find it somewhat difficult...

to express my feelings

at receiving this great honor.

I can only say that I accept

the portfolio of secretary of amusement...

and I shall do my best to merit

the confidence you are placing in me.

- Gentlemen.

- Secretary Cromwell...

these gentlemen of the press have been

informed of your appointment.

- Will you give them a moment?

- Yes. Of course.

What's your first move, Mr. Secretary?

Recruiting entertainers

from all parts of the world.

- How will entertainment be distributed?

- Divide America in 48 zones-

Also include Hawaii, the Philippine Islands,

Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands.

- What's Mr. Skimfiddle going to do?

- Mr. Dinwiddle...

will be invited to serve as general scout

for the Department of Amusement.

Mr. Secretary,

deeply mindful of the solemnity-

- Uh- Uh-

I'm deeply mindful of the solemnity...

- of the occasion.

- How many assistant secretaries will you appoint?

Twelve- radio, drama, motion picture,

circus, vaudeville, dancing-

- Circus Department, Avenue A. See Mr. Wertzel.

- Thank you.

- First tenor.

- Mr. Bagwell on the audition stage.

Oh,just a moment!

Mr. Butler has the tenors.

Low-voiced crooner.

See Mr. Butcher somewhere

in the music building.

Mr. Butcher.

Upstage!

Upstage, everybody!

- Upstage.!

- Look here, Dinwiddle, this has got to stop.

Everywhere I go, actors, acrobats.

They're driving me crazy.

- I shall compose-

- They storm me on the streets, in my car.

You've gotta do something.

I place the burden on your shoulders.

It's a burden I shall bear

with fortitude, sir.

Uh, vigilance. "Vigilance. "

That shall be my watchword.

Uh- Uh-

I shall have a slogan.

Of course, you know, they're

counting on Mr. Cromwell and myself...

to pull this country out of the red.

- Quite a job.

- Yes, indeed.

Am I correct in assuming that over here

a fellow gets into debt...

he keeps his accounts in red ink?

- That's right.

- When he gets out of debt, he changes them to black ink?

- Yes.

- Oh! Hence the expression, "Out of the red. "

- That's the idea.

- Oh, very amusing.

I must buy myself some red ink.

- Good morning, Mr. Secretary.

- Oh, hello, Arthur.

- Not much like your New York office.

- Well, this is the gingerbread.

The entire first floor

is part of the show.

Upstairs we have offices

that look like offices.

Gentlemen.

I want to impress upon

you assistant secretaries...

- and Miss-

- Adams. Mary Adams.

You appointed me head of

the children's division last week.

Oh.

I wanna say that the splendid

start we now have...

only emphasizes the importance

of teamwork and hard work.

Now, remember, the government

has appropriated 100 million dollars...

and is allowing 12 months in which

the Department of Amusement...

may prove its right

to permanency.

Now, gentlemen,

this is a pretty tough job...

for there's no telling where

undiscovered talent and genius may appear.

Your departments will be flooded

with applicants...

and you must see them all,

but send only the cream of the lot to me.

Unfortunately,

I can't see them all.

- Thank you. That's all. Miss, uh-

- Adams.

Yes, I want to see you a moment please.

Hello?

Check this carefully, will you?

"West Coast. Zone 36.

"One dozen jazz bands.

One gross chorus girls.

"One-sixth of a dozen

masters of ceremony.

"Zone 18, girl singers:

blues singers, two dozen, torch singers.

Boop-boop-a-doop singers- none. "

Okay. Now, Miss Monroe-

- Uh, Adams.

- Oh, yeah. Step here, will you, please?

Something I want to show you.

There's one phase of this amusement campaign

which I think you oughta understand.

The zones in-

You're beautiful.

Of course I'm not.

- What's that?

- I said I'm not beautiful.

Young woman, you're talking

to Lawrence Cromwell-

Lawrence Cromwell, the world's

authority on feminine beauty and charm.

Do you mean to stand there and question

my judgment on the subject of beauty?

- Do you?

- Oh, no. No. I was-

But you did question it.

Now you listen to me.

When Lawrence Cromwell says

a girl's beautiful, she's beautiful.

Oh, the very idea.

I demand an apology.

Your personality definitely puts you

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