Stanley Park Page #3

Oi! Oi, you rotten little trollop.

Come back here.

I'm not done with you yet.

Mum, keep your voice down.

People will hear.

Oh, I'm sorry - did you not want

people to know!?

Come on, Julie.

Let's take it inside.

What, like she just did?

No, Rob. They should have at

least locked the back door.

I've just had a bowl of carbonara.

Come on, sweetheart.

It was just a shag.

Not on my newly

varnished kitchen table.

That is a place to eat dinner.

Not to shag a dog's dinner.

Oh, excuse me!

I like how it's all right for your

sons to act like Casablanca, but I

get painted as the scarlet woman.

Lee was quite happy to have a go and

I wouldn't have been round here

if your Harry hadn't have

winked at me this morning

and called me gorgeous.

She's right, Mum. It's not her fault.

We just got caught up in the moment.

Yeah, I was teaching him the art of

seducing a lady. A lady? You were

eating chargrilled chicken crinkles!

I couldn't help myself,

they were moreish. You are...

Oh, sh*t. Raggy!

Oh, f...

Yeah!

Oh, it's mental now.

Yes. Can I help you?

Oh yeah,

that's right, you piss off, darling,

now you've got what you came for.

But you just remember - when

your looks fade, you'll just be

another lonely old tart

like your auntie.

Lay a whisper on my pillow

Leave the winter

on the ground...

Ben, do you think Lee would

lay a whisper on my pillow?

I don't really know

how to answer that

because I don't know what

you mean. Just say the right thing.

Yes. Lee would lay a

whisper on your pillow.

I hope so, Ben.

I hope so.

Oh, look, this isn't helping.

You know what to ask

in these situations?

What would Beyonce say?

I think you know the answer.

To the left, to the left...

Properly. Sing it, girl!

To the left, to the left...

With hand movements.

To the left, to the left

Everything you own

in the box to the left

In the closet that's my stuff

If I bought it,

then please don't touch...

No, Ben, stop it.

This would never happen to Beyonce!

She's still a person, Raggy.

She still has feelings.

Just because she's beautiful.

I wish I was beautiful like Beyonce.

I think you are. And you'd

look dead good with a weave in.

I hate life, Ben. I hate men.

I hate everything except you.

Though no-one could hate you.

My dad does.

PHONE RINGS:

It's him.

Yes?

Ben, let me speak to her please.

I know you're with her.

She's busy. Busy dying inside.

How could you do this to us?

I don't know. She read me

this dirty story and I just...

Slut read him one of her stories.

You were aroused. Were you aroused?

Well, yeah, but...

He was aroused.

Please, Ben, just tell her I'm sorry.

No, Lee. Sorry's just an empty word.

It means nothing to us.

Nothing.

Let me speak to her, Ben. Tell her...

I so told him.

Ben, do you remember

when I said I love food

and you thought I said I love you?

Well...

I do love you.

And food.

But not carbs, yeah.

You all right, darlin'?

No.

Oh, dear.

I'm just writing to Ditmir.

He says he's thinking

of moving over from Albania.

You what?

I'm tellin' him not to.

It's more romantic if he doesn't.

Less hassle.

You know, if you wanted

a boyfriend, I wouldn't mind.

Maybe it's not such a bad idea.

What you saying that for?

It's just an observation. Right.

I've got an observation

for you as well, darlin'.

Your mother dedicated

her life to your third stepdad.

Now, do you think she would have

done that if she'd known she was

going to get hit by a truck on her

way for picking up his dry cleaning?

The answer's no.

She wouldn't have.

Dedicatin' your life to one man

will get you killed.

Outside a dry cleaner's.

In Bolton.

It were in that one look I realised.

No-one who surfs dating websites or

has a pen romance with a random

Albanian wants to be single.

I didn't know if she

were lying to herself,

in which case I feel sorry for her,

or whether it were me

she were lying to.

Either way, maybe Lee's mum were

right, and I would end up the same.

And that changed everything.

I wasn't the only one

confused after today. For all

of us, things had begun to change.

The future we'd thought we had

was becoming something else.

And while some people

tried to pretend it wasn't,

others were

falling to pieces because

they couldn't pretend any more.

In the harsh light of day,

we all had things to face up to.

One of mine were givin' me evils

at her bay window.

I knew I'd messed up.

But without knowing it,

I'd started a chain of events that

were going to change everything.

I was cursed by my beauty,

but I had to soldier on.

Chapter four of The Spaniard

Barman wasn't going to write itself.

MUSIC:
"She's Got Me Dancing"

by Tommy Sparks

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