Stardust Memories Page #4

You know, he would be so honored

if I could tell him that we made it.

He's a great fan of yours.

- He's got all your albums.

- I'm sure.

He sees every movie. He

talks about you all the time.

- You're one of his heroes.

- Yeah. He's not insanely jealous?

No. We never have any problems with that.

And exactly where is your husband right now?

Well, he's sleeping in the van downstairs.

Hey, look, I don't feel that well. I'm tired.

I don't wanna go through an

empty experience. Ivve had...

Listen, empty sex is

better than no sex, right?

Come on, don't be so angry.

We interrupt this program

to bring you a special bulletin.

Sydney Finklesteins hostility has escaped.

Finklestein, a short man with glasses,

told police that he has been fighting

to hold his anger in for years,

and is very embarrassed that

it broke loose while he napped.

Police are combing the countryside

and warn all citizens to stay indoors.

Oh, my God, look. That's my

schoolteacher, Miss Reilly.

And... Oh, Jeez.

Look, that's my ex-wife

and her alimony lawyer,

and my brother Alvin.

He was the one that they taught to speak up.

Hed always come downstairs and recite.

Look. That's my mother.

Please. We don't wanna hurt

you. We wanna reason with you.

I'm a psychoanalyst. This is my pipe.

I want to help you.

Your films are always

psychological, never political.

- Where do you stand politically?

- What can I say to that?

I'm for total, honest democracy, you know.

And I also believe the

American system can work.

A lot of people have

accused you of being narcissistic.

I know, people think I'm egotistical

and narcissistic, but it's not true.

I... As a matter of fact, if I did identify

with a Greek mythological character,

it would not be Narcissus.

Who would it be?

- Zeus.

- Mr. Bates, I'm with the Cancer Society.

- Right.

And it would mean so much to so many

people if you could appear at our benefit...

I would be glad to.

Just call me when I get back

into town. I do it all the time.

- Did you know, Sandy...

- Really.

Did you know that, as we speak,

Russian scientists are being

forcibly detained in insane asylums?

Yeah, well, I'm on a committee

for that. You know what I mean?

So I've signed petitions and all that stuff.

You know what? Would you sign

this autograph for my wife?

- Oh, yeah. Sure.

- Sandy Brockman from Flatbush Avenue.

- To Hilda.

- Jerry Abraham.

- We went to school together, right?

- I know. I remember you. I remember.

You dressed as Superman, you tried to fly.

- Yeah, I remember.

- I know you're busy. When can we talk?

- I'll be here all weekend.

- Okay, take care.

- What is this?

- Don't read it now. Wait until later.

- What is this thing?

- My son wrote it. It's perfect for you.

It's a spoof on jockeys.

- On jockeys?

- Yes, a spoof on jockeys. Little jockeys.

- Little tiny jockeys? That sounds great.

- Yeah.

Call. Call, okay?

Sandy. Can I have your autograph?

Oh, sure. There you go.

- I was a cesarean.

- Oh. That's great.

Isobel. My God, what are you doing here?

- But you called me. You were lonely.

- I know. But what a surprise.

What a treat.

Oh, Jesus.

Sandy?

- Sandy? Hi. I really loved your last film.

- Oh, thank you.

In English. Speak to me in English.

I had a very erotic dream

about you last night.

You know, I hope you brought your little

tiny white cotton socks that I like,

- you know, because...

- Listen, I left my husband.

Really?

He knew I was having an affair

and I did not want to lie to him.

I'm stunned.

- That makes you nervous, no?

- No, no, no. I'm not nervous.

I'm just so... I just... I

know we talked about it...

Sandy, I knitted this sweater for you myself.

- Thanks very much. Thank you.

- You know, you don't have...

- I just didn't think it would happen.

- You don't have to worry about it.

- No, I'm not worried about it.

- I'm just going to take care of myself.

You know, what has that got

to... What does that mean?

- We've seen all your films.

- They suck.

- Theyre terrific.

- Because I know your face.

I know you are going to be sick.

I'm not going to be sick.

I'm just so stunned.

I can't... You know, we

discussed it and I... And I...

I think I'm going to stay in

a hotel and find an apartment.

Honey, you're not staying in a hotel.

The whole point was that you would

leave your husband and stay with me,

that we would live together

or marry, but be together.

- Can I have your autograph?

- That's the point of it.

You're not gonna stay at a hotel.

- No, I...

- That's ridiculous.

No, I think it would be

okay if it is like that.

We could marry, but there is no pressure.

I don't feel pressure. I...

It's funny. I had salmon for breakfast,

you know, and I feel nauseous a little bit.

- You know, they never serve it fresh.

- You know something.

I just brought up a wonderful

bottle of wine and my white socks.

You know, the ones you like.

Isobel. Gee, I feel like such a fool.

Excuse me, Mr. Bates,

could I have your autograph?

I've seen all of your films.

You're a master of despair.

- Such a touch of Kafka.

- You know, I feel so...

- I feel sick.

- Can you give me 15 minutes?

I will have a bath, and

you will come to the room.

- What about the children?

- They are okay. They will come tomorrow.

Hi.

- Hi.

- What are you doing here?

I just came in to be alone for

a minute, to think, you know.

- What are you doing here?

- Oh, I... That's exactly what I was doing.

- I was just sitting around thinking...

- Yeah?

...you know, trying to get away.

- What are you thinking about?

Me? Well, I was thinking

about, should I change my movie?

Should I change my life? You know,

all kinds of, you know, serious...

- Yeah?

- Yeah. What a surprise.

You know, I had a dream about you last night.

- Did you?

- Yeah.

- What did you dream?

- I can't tell you.

- No, come on.

- No. It was really embarrassing.

- Really? Was it one of those?

- Yeah, really. It was.

God, that's terrible.

Maybe if I get to know

you better, I'll tell you.

- Yeah?

- But I can't now.

- Hi. Can I have your autograph?

- You're kidding.

- What do you guys do?

- Me, too.

- Follow me around?

- We think you're so sexy.

I'm sexy? They think I'm sexy.

- Come on, Dorrie.

- Don't lie to me. You're attracted to her.

I'm not attracted to her.

What are you talking about?

Staring at her all through

dinner. Giving each other looks.

- Stop it. She's 14 years old.

- Don't you think I see it?

She's not even 14,

she's 13-and-a-half.

I don't care. I used to play those

games with my father, so I know.

- I've been through all that.

- What kind of games?

You think I'm flirting with your kid cousin?

- You can't take your eyes off her!

- She was sitting opposite me.

- You smile at her!

- I smile at her. I'm a friendly person.

What do you want? She's a kid!

This is stupid!

- I don't wanna have this conversation.

- Don't tell me it's stupid!

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote