Stardust Memories Page #6

lady with me in the car,

and now this guys wanted for mail fraud.

Would you sign my left breast?

By the way, Dr. Melnikoff called.

He said you should stop

using that shampoo solution

he gave you to rub in your hair.

He says they just found

out it causes skin cancer.

He's had me on it for nine months.

Now he tells me it causes skin cancer?

Ed Rich. I'm with the New

York City Landmarks Committee.

- We're having a fundraiser next month.

- Ill be glad to come.

- Just, you call me when I get to town.

- It's a wonderful cause,

- to preserve old buildings.

- I'm sure. I'm sure.

Just call me when I get back to

town. I'll be happy to make it. Really.

- Oh. Oh. Okay. Fine. Thank you.

- And cheer up.

What is that?

What the hell is that? That's the

silliest thing Ivve ever seen.

What is that?

Those people that are

marching in the background.

Those are all the people from the

train that wind up in the garbage dump.

What the hell are they doing here?

They wind up in Jazz Heaven.

It's commercial. It's upbeat.

They wind up in Jazz Heaven.

It's upbeat. It's commercial.

- It's stupid.

- I thought youdd like it, Sandy.

You love jazz.

Who is this guy anyhow to

rewrite the end of my movie?

And since when are all these guys involved?

- What the hell is going on?

- These are the new heads of the studio.

What do you mean? Every six months

I meet a new group of studio heads.

It's very disconcerting to me, too,

but, you know, the mortality rate

in this business is unbelievable.

I'll say. It's like the Black Plague. Jesus.

I think you're wonderful.

Can I have your autograph?

I don't want anybody going to Jazz Heaven.

That's a nitwit idea.

You know, the whole point of the

movie is that nobody is saved.

Sandy, this is an Easter film. We

don't need a movie by an atheist.

To you I'm an atheist. To God

I'm the loyal opposition.

Jesus.

You know, I'm your biggest

fan. I think you're terrific.

Thank you.

- His public adores him.

- Yeah, today they adore you,...

and tomorrow it's one of these.

He's paranoid.

I think

you're being a little paranoid.

No, you know what I'm

being? I'm being realistic.

You know, and that's why

you don't like the movie.

It's not a matter of what I like.

Listen, I've been on this side of

the business for four years now.

Too much reality is not what the people want.

Jazz Heaven. That is the

stupidest thing I've ever heard.

You can't control life. It

doesn't wind up perfectly.

Only art you can control.

Art and masturbation.

Two areas in which I am an absolute expert.

- I feel very tired.

- Yeah?

Isobel, I want you to come and live with me.

- Can we not talk about it tonight?

- No, I wanna talk about it.

I've been thinking about

it all day. You know, it...

I was just very, very

surprised before, that's all.

But, you know, when I think it over,

it's a very, very important thing to me.

- You know, you don't have to say that.

- I know I don't have to say it.

But, you know, I feel that way.

I have very, very complicated

feelings towards you.

You know, I like to be with you and I

don't want to screw up this relationship.

You know that I love you,

I trust you, you know.

You're one of the few people

that I really have fun with.

Gee, if it wasn't for you this past year,

I'd have been absolutely, you know...

Isobel, what are you doing?

I'm pouring my heart out here and

you're behaving like a crazy person.

Isobel, will you stop that for a minute?

Yes, but I'm just doing my exercise.

Yes. But this is important, what I'm saying.

- Can you...

- Yes, but my exercise, too.

- Yes. I know, but...

- I need it for my muscle.

- You look like you're having a fit.

- No, I'm not.

Isobel. Isobel, I'm serious.

I want you to move in with me.

I'm serious.

I think that you should live with me

and I think we would have

a lot of fun together.

- I'm not sure about anything, you know?

- What do you mean?

I'm just thinking of it. It's

such a big decision for me, too.

I know it's a big decision for you, too.

It wasn't so easy to leave my husband,

and now to think of the children...

It's good that you left your husband, though.

- I think it's a good thing.

- Yes, I'm sure of it, too.

And I think it would be...

But I'm not sure about the rest, you know.

It frighten me, too.

I think we have to think about it.

I see. So now that I feel

that you should live with me,

now you, all of a sudden,

you feel differently, right?

But it is not so clear.

But don't you see? To me,

you may be the perfect woman.

You're mad. You're a respected,

well-known, established New York doctor.

How could you get involved

in something like this?

But, you know, I've never

been able to fall in love.

I've never been able to

find the perfect woman.

There's always something

wrong. And then I met Doris.

A wonderful woman, great personality.

But, for some reason, I'm just not turned

on sexually by her. Don't ask me why.

And then I met Rita. An

animal. Nasty, mean, trouble.

And I love going to bed with her.

Though afterward I always wished

that I was back with Doris.

Then I thought to myself, if only I

could put Doriss brain in Ritass body.

Wouldnt that be wonderful?

And I thought, why not?

What the hell? I'm a surgeon.

Surgeon? Whered you study

medicine, in Transylvania?

So I performed the operation

and everything went perfectly.

I switched their personalities and I took

all the badness and put it over there,

and I made Rita into a warm,

wonderful, charming, sexy, sweet,

giving, mature woman.

And then I fell in love with Doris.

Do you really feel there's

such a thing as a perfect mate?

I mean, don't you think the basis of any

mature relationship is really compromise?

I think any relationship is not based on

either compromise or maturity

or perfection or any of that.

It's really based on luck. You

know, that's the key thing.

People don't like to acknowledge that

because it means a loss of control,

but you really have to be lucky.

I have a question for Mr. Roberts.

Was the scene between you and

Sandy Bates at the wax museum

a homage to Vincent Prices

horror movie the House of Wax?

An homage? Not exactly. We

just stole the idea outright.

You set things up so you

can play a little golf,

you get a little poon, you

smoke some good grass...

- Yeah, keep going... and

that's what lifess about.

- It's shallow. It's shallow.

- Shallow?

Did you see the shallow girl that I'm with?

- No, I havent.

- Playboy centerfold.

- Perfect. You met her in a hot tub, right?

- She's a lovely girl. She's very healthy.

- Into massage, right?

- She wont eat meat, sweets,

- just amphetamines.

- Yeah. Exactly.

You don't make such good picks. A lot

of your picks left a lot to be desired.

Like what? Like what? Like

Dorrie? Dorrie was fabulous.

- Dorrie was a loony.

- Dorrie was great.

- She was bright, she was quick...

- She was bright, there's no question.

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