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Starlift Page #9
- Year:
- 1951
- 103 min
- 68 Views
I'm sure he'll be with us
when he runs out to tear buckets.
Meanwhile,
let's get on with the show.
When you men
started flying the Pacific...
...l'm sure you all looked
over the travel folders.
You saw beautiful pictures
of lush island paradises.
And lovely maidens dancing
beneath swaying tropical palms.
Did you find anything like that?
MEN:
No!
That's what we figured.
So here's Virginia Mayo...
...to give you her idea of your idea
of what you expected to see.
[BAND PLAYING]
[PHONE RINGS]
- Hello.
- Is that Phil Harris?
- No, it's for Miss Wayne.
- Thanks.
Hello?
Thanks.
Rick's plane left March Field
3O minutes ago.
Still no Harris.
That's the name of the game.
Oh, somebody get a sling for my head,
1 O, 2O, 39, 45.
It's times like this
my whole life passes before my eyes.
Blitzed again.
Pay the man for the lesson and let's go.
Wait a minute, will you?
I'm stuck 756 clams.
And I had to waste my time
going to medical school.
Good night, boys.
Let's play one more game.
There's some money in my shoe
you ain't got.
Can't you break this up?
Sorry, Mr. Harris, the game's over.
It's past visiting hours.
Well, that's a fine way
to run a hospital.
Get a guy hooked
and then close the place.
Does the Pentagon know
you're running a clip joint?
Believe it or not, Phil,
I hate to take your money.
Believe it or not
I hate to give it to you.
It's been nice meeting you vultures.
- Good night.
- So long, fellas.
Here.
- What's this?
- My address. You I can beat.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Hi, girls. Harris is here.
Don't just sit there,
go out of your minds.
- I see you're still alive and breathing.
- Honey, I feel like a baby boy.
- Well, powder your nose. You're on.
- Oh, those lucky people.
Now, fellas,
a sadder, but wiser, Phil Harris.
Hi, fellas.
I can't tell you what it means to walk
out here have you smiling...
...you're glad to see me,
you're applauding...
...and I wanna tell you
I love you for it.
I've been with Jack Benny
for 15 years.
And there ain't no money
connected with that job.
So anything you can do to help me earn
an honest buck I'll appreciate it.
MAN:
How about Alice?PHIL:
What do you say, bud?MAN:
How about Alice?
They told me when I married her she had
money but I'll be darned if I can find it.
And I've looked everywhere.
I'd have been here sooner...
...but I was up in the hospital
giving a money transfusion.
Man, did he cut me up.
You're laughing, it's a tragedy.
I'm a family man.
I got two little girls. One 7 and one 8.
Now they've gotta go to work.
[MEN WHISTLING]
Hey, fellas...
...how would you like to have
a duffel bag shaped like that?
What is it, honey?
They're ready for your number...
...and I'm supposed to help you
get dressed.
Well, help, help, help.
She's kidding, fellas,
I can dress myself.
She just has to comb my hair out.
[BAND PLAYING]
[SINGING] I was standin' in a bar room
In a little Texas town
Drinkin' double sarsaparillas
Just to wash my dinner down
Folks were dancin' to the jukebox
Were a very fine quartet
And a guy named Harris sang a song
Called "Smoke That Cigarette"
While the music was still playin'
Somethin' shook the whole room
All the women started screamin'
Till I couldn't hear the tune
Then I looked up to the doorway
And I saw him standin' there
It was Fearless Fred the Foreman
Dog-dirty and loaded for bear
It was a year to the day
Since he had last been to town
And he showed it by the way
He eyed the women up and down
Then he started in to cuss
At all the folks up at the bar
Till a ranger who was there
Cautioned Freddy to beware
Before he had gone too far
He said:
Look out, stranger,
I'm a Texas ranger...
...better take it nice and easy
or you'll have to go.
Well, now Fred the Foreman
Wasn't bright
Or he'd just stopped right then
But he just ignored the ranger
And he started in again
He went down and grabbed Miss Lulu
The local dance hall queen
While the fella who was with her
Was so scared he near turned green
Then the ranger who was watchin'
Said that he had had enough
Because he'd been polite to Freddy
Now it was time that he got tough
When a woman isn't willin'
You can't grab her by the hair
You just don't do that and live
When there's a ranger standing there
He said:
Look out, stranger,
I'm a Texas Ranger.
Take your hands off that there woman
or you'll make me mad.
Then the ranger turned to Lulu
To make sure she was all right
Freddy saw his chance
And hit that ranger wham
With all his might
But the ranger looked around
And said:
I think I felt a breeze.
Meanwhile Freddy held his broken hand
And felt quite ill at ease
I warned you, look out, stranger,
I'm a Texas Ranger.
Then the ranger swung at Freddy
And all the lights went out
[LULU SCREAMING]
[GUNSHOTS]
When the lights went on again
Some thieving dog, he stole my drink
And I swore out loud
I'd like to get my hands upon that gink
When I looked around
The only other person that I saw
Was the ranger sipping sarsaparilla
Calmly through a straw
Fearless Freddy rose up from the floor
And drew his.45
When the smoke had cleared
We found the ranger smiling and alive
It's a well-known fact in Texas
That a ranger's skin is hard
Even bullets never hurt,
it's like a built-in bodyguard.
So remember, stranger
If you meet a Texas Ranger
- They're the roughest.
- Yeah!
- Toughest.
- Yeah!
Gentlemen you ever saw
And, gals,
they're handsome critters too.
Yep.
Was it all right, fellas?
[MEN APPLAUDING]
Thank you. Now meet the principles.
Lulu, Virginia Gibson.
Fearless Freddy, Frank Lovejoy.
And the Texas Ranger, Gary Cooper.
That kis a nervous wreck.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yeah?
Okay, thanks.
They're on the ground, Miss Wayne.
Landed 1 O minutes ago.
- Which gate will they come through?
- Relax!
The whole crew has to pass
through here on the way to check in.
Hey, Joe, where's Williams?
I don't know.
The minute we hit the field
he took off like a scared rabbit.
That's funny.
I even told the tower
to tell him you were waiting.
The guy's gotta
be somewhere in the field.
Let's go find him.
It's too late, Mike.
Show's almost over. I've gotta leave.
Don't worry, kid.
I'll make him phone you
before he gets away.
Mike, if I write him a letter,
will you see that he gets it?
You bet. Even if I have to shove it
down his throat.
MAN [O VER SPEAKER]: Miss Nell Wayne,
please report to Starlift plane immediately.
Miss Nell Wayne, please report
to Starlift plane immediately.
Tell him I'll be right there.
I did, 15 minutes ago.
That flight steward
will be back here any second.
I'm almost finished.
Good thing.
The joint's running out of paper.
- Nell?
- Hm?
You won't need an envelope.
- Well, what will it be?
- Chocolate malt.
Not again, corporal.
You know you won't like it.
Try again. Maybe you'll surprise me.
- Miss?
- Yes, Miss Wayne?
What flavor does he want?
Chocolate, his usual.
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"Starlift" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 27 Feb. 2025. <https://www.scripts.com/script/starlift_18806>.
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